Chapter 4: Things Get Messy

As the mighty YarFaced Beauty’s mighty crew gathers on mighty deck, preparing for the mighty fight, Jenna attempts to rally the knights of Gristhmans.

Jenna: Look at all of you maggots, shaking in your boots! *she glares at Pana* Especially you!
Pana: Patricia will keep me safe…but what if they start gutting us?
Jenna: Damnit, why did you all join the knights if you were this scared of fighting!?
Pana: *looks down* I like it when you beat me…

The warrior woman’s face turns red from embarrassment, holding back laughter, and anger all at the same time. It takes a minute or two for her to regain her composure.

Jenna: Ok…what about the rest of you?! What is your excuse!?
All the other knights bow their heads in shame.
Jenna: You ALL joined because you are a bunch of masochists!?

She falls down when no one speaks up to disagree with her.

Jenna: (No wonder they always get beat…that’s their goal…there must be a way to use this to my advantage…) *she snaps her fingers, turning on the light bulb that appears above her head*

The woman stands up very militaristically and begins circling her troops.
Jenna: Alright men…if you beat the pirates in this battle, I’ll whip and beat you all, TWICE as hard as I ever have before!
Crew: WHAT?! *all leap into battle positions with big hearts in their eyes*
Jenna: And I’ll even let you wash my feet Pana.

At that point she couldn’t hold them back if she wanted to. The knights of Gristhmans Kingdom boarded the pirate ship faster than anyone ever had before and began their deadly assault. The pirates themselves were taken by surprise, not suspecting the Knights had this kind of ferocity in them. They were getting beaten back, punched and cut. Eddy’s team was winning.

Andy and Adrienne, in an attempt to gain back some ground begin dangling the chicken in front of Eddy.
Andy: Look what we have here!? Your lovely lover, transformed into a bird! Better call off your attack or we’ll see if chickens can float!
Eddy: Oh no you DON’T!! *Lunges forward and grabs the chicken as everyone tries to avert their gaze from the drag king.

A&A: How dare ye take our chicken dinner! Die!!

The two lead pirates leap at Eddy with their swords, stabbing towards his chest. However, instead of going into his body they only end up piercing his fruit, spraying apple and orange juice in their eyes. The two go down, trying to wash out the dreaded fruit juices.

Meanwhile, the six lumberjacks and Jenna begin their rematch. This time however, as they try to strike, she pushes them all back with her newfound power. As the six Canadians land on their butts, they realize the same thing as Jenna’s knights.

Lumberjacks: Such a strong woman…eh? Truly…she is the queen of the lumberjocks, eh?!” *They bow down to her, pledging their allegiance. *

With the chicken everyone believes is Selona, the pirates beaten, and now the lumberjacks, Eddy decides to tell his men to pull back. They have won this battle; they will let their enemies meet their doom in a sinking pirate ship.

Andy: *finally getting most of the apple juice out of his eye* No…you can’t get away so easily…Courtn..err Yentruoc, good twin of Courtney!

Courtney: ….err..what? Me, oh yeah, I AM Yentruoc!

Andy: Do something to them with your magic!
Adrienne: Turn king Edmundo into a chicken like his beloved Selona!

Courtney: But I didn’t turn Selona into a chicken…but OK! *Shoots magical beams at the King. He is zapped and a huge cloud of smoke forms, though when it clears nothing appears to have changed*

Edmundo: Hahahaha! This time we are the ones who escape unharmed! Come men! Let us return to our kingdom to feast in victory! Perhaps Courtney will be able to change Selona back.

As they leave, Andy pounds the planks of his ship in anger, while Adrienne tries to see what repairs need to be done to make sure the YarFaced Beauty does not sink.

Adrienne: AHFSKJHAKJFHKJfs OK PEOPLE! WE NEED TO GET TO AN ISLAND TO REPAIR AND REGROUP! ANY SUGGESTIONS!? HURRY UP AND GIVE SOME!

Shmee: How about the island of misfit toys!?

Adrienne: *hops around happily* Good choice, Shmee! To the island of misfit toys!

Courtney: But…why didn’t that spell work…unless…AHAHAHAHAha *she rolls over laughing so hard, she is unable to breath. It only stops when she falls unconscious. When she wakes up she remembers what she was laughing about, and continues to chuckle until a second KO. The third time the witch wakes up, the pirates are able to get an explanation*

Andy: What is so funny? We just lost…badly. And now we are going to have to listen to some Charlie in the Box whine about his name.

Courtney: You see…I just realized…I didn’t turn Eddy into a chicken…I turned him into a chick!

And a hearty laughter once again resonates throughout the YarFaced Beauty, though this time it was less evil than before.

And back in the Kingdom…in Eddy’s private room.

Eddy: *placing the chicken on his Bed* I will find a cure for you, my love…until then…I don’t know…well I guess even chickens need loving. Let me get my clothes off.

Eddy: *fumbling with things* odd…I don’t remember the fruit being so squished or tight…there we go…what’s this…it’s like an orange…but made of skin…oohh boobies! Nice..wait, what are they attached to…me? Oh dear god no…..

A scream is heard throughout the world, along with nervous chicken clucking.

Courtney: *appears in the throne room in another amazing display of special effects* I’ll save you my queen!!

Edmundo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Will the pirates make it to the island of misfit toys!? Will the Knights get the beating they were promised!? Will Edmundo make lesbian chicken sex legal!? Find out next time….

END OF CHAPTER 4