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Disgruntled Wanna-be Europeans: When driving through the suburb you live in makes you feel like Senhor Gato here, and you don't know where they might sell the unprocessed cheese in this neighborhood (that you can afford)...... |
| We're back! in this issue winning arguments with uppity foreigners This issue's Honorary DWE: revenge for co-workers who eat "freedom" fries killing fred duhrst
As always, your warm fuzzy |
It's been a while..... but we're still here in the U.S., and with no money or legal status outside our wonderful nation, so obviously, we need DWE to guide us through the hard times. If you are, like some of us, unemployed or grossly underemployed, a trip to the specialty stores, let alone Europe, is out of the question so we really need to pool our resources and our resolve, at least until we can quit using our foreign language BA's to work at Starbucks. Better yet, since last edition (okay since 1998, and even then only my dad read it), there have been some um... dare we say.... changes to the American landscape, that perhaps, we'd all like to vent about, being such worldly little bastards ourselves. It's enough to make you wonder what your average suburban soccer mom or the dude in the baseball cap who works in the 7-11 thinks of us... you know the type, they ask you if you're feeling okay because you don't smile constantly... the kind who stare at you in supermarkets like you just pulled off your fake leg and were about to hit their baby with it if your mom says "we don't need mayonaise this week" in Italian while you're going about your business.... what the hell are they thinking? Probably about calling whatever widget your mom actually wants you to buy instead "freedom widgets." Not only that, the president pissing off European countries does not help our cause at all. For one, if there are problems with imports, how the hell are we going to get the specialty shit that makes our lives in the US liveable???? Already, it's bad enough we can't get half the good, unpasturized cheese because it can't be shipped... now this?? Who's going to make the nutella, the Kool-aid man?? I personally already have to travel 350 miles to get a hold of a Cadbury "Snack" bar (not that I do this SOLELY for the Snack.... honest). Plus if things get really nasty, that "marry a gay Irish friend" plan might get complicated. Not to mention those political discussions that are so common in the youth hostels of Europe, where a bunch of Australians, two Danes and a Brit gang up on you about our country's policy are going to get hairy. Not only are they going to assume wrongly that you are ill-read and an anomoly because you don't weigh 250 lbs., they are going to assume you have an S.U.V. with a "these colors don't run" sticker on it,and that you're personally responsible for all of the French bashing and Iraqi squashing. Okay, if you've lived in France, you might think there is nothing like a good frenchie bashing session, but that has to do with asshole waiters, not foreign policy. And even if you're for the war, only crazies who live in Montana with 10,000 of their closest firearms actually want to kill anybody in the Middle East. Frankly, Europe, we're not stupid- we've heard of Haliburton. Not only that, while a virtual rennaissance of European and American indie is going on, from what Magnet magazine so deftly termed "nu-gazers" to the Libertines, Interpol, the Delgados- the list goes on and on, we have to listen to either Fred Durhst or 50 Cent. And that's on the "alternative" station that not so long ago had the Trash Can Sinatras on heavy rotation. So it follows that if you want to hear indie, you must either wait for the White Stripes to come on, and be happy with that once an hour, or you must have oodles of cash to buy four cd's a week. Refer to paragraph one about underemployment for elaboration...... Sure the point of making records is to sell them but buying four cd's cold a week is a bit steep for the underemployed yet culturally literate. Worse yet, you must listen to your friends bitch about how music today sucks, and how much they love coldplay, though when you brought home a copy of "Yellow" (which you are now sick of) two years ago from your trip to the UK, it was too "weird" for them. And you are left wondering, finally, what the hell has happenned to blur????
So if you gotta wait till next time and it's really painful, you've found the best waiting room there is!! |
