Chapter 1
What life! Wake up at 8:00 A.M. in my dismal apartment stacked with two other friends; Adam and Mandy. You’re probably thinking, “Who is this person? Why does he keep rambling on about his dreary life!?” Well, I thought that too. Who am I really? The deeper David. Not the outer David, but the inner. I guess, when I look at it, I’ve always been “that kid”. You know the one that gets picked on all throughout high school with little friends. And of course your friends always say “Don’t worry, college will be different.” Boy, were they wrong. I was still picked on. Going through school was a continuous roller coaster of hate. Everybody, high school and college, always referred to me as “that kid”, “him”, “it”, or my favorite “the fag”. Yeah, you heard right, “the fag”. Been one ever since I could remember. A hard life, but it’s my life, so what more could I ask for! I think that is all I could really say about me. I mean what more do you want from me? Well, I’ll give you one more thing, just a little tidbit. My name is David, if you somehow didn’t notice that in the beginning, and I’m twenty-seven.
Where did I leave you guys off at? Oh! Work. Yes, I work at such a great place…seriously! Its heaven. I wake up at 8:00 A.M. to crackling reception. I always say I’ll put it on a station, but I never get to it. So I pull the sheets off my body slowly and start to stretch. I quickly swing my legs off the bed and jump to my feet. Run over to the alarm, flip the switch, and run towards the hallway. Hallway? Yeah, I have to get up my two friends who work with me too! I first go into Mandy’s room to wake her up because she can get Adam up. Let’s just say that Adam isn’t a morning person. Mandy is such a great gal. Always working to succeed in her career and in her friend’s eyes. Sounds sweet huh? Well she gets up, walks into Adam’s room and rips the sheets off his bed. He hates when I do that, but somehow it’s alright for Mandy to do so. I seriously think Adam has something going on with Mandy, but what is a gay guy to do? Maybe peek in during a shower to see if the two are in there together or maybe for self amusement. Adam, though, is a gay guy’s best friend. He was a jock in high school and all throughout is college career and still accepts me for who I am. How freaking amazing is that! He even goes places, in public mind you, with me…”the fag”. Well we all go our separate ways. I head straight for my contacts and then towards a hot 90 degrees shower. Nothing like scolding hot water to start a day!
“When will we make a compromise to clean this house?” asks Mandy to the two of us. She always says this at least once a week and always gets the same answer. I’m seriously thinking of cleaning it and giving her a heart attack.
“Soon” reply Adam and I, like always.
“We better! I can ba…” starts Mandy as I interrupt and finish her sentence, “Before we can barely walk! We will get to it Mandy. Just stop worrying!”
“Sorry, I didn’t get much sleep and that asshole of a boss somehow doesn’t notice that I’ve stayed after all last week to help clean up!”
What did I tell you? Always trying to succeed in her career. No matter what! With emphasis on the what. If she wasn’t such a Virgin Mary catholic then she would probably sleep her way up the employment ladder.
“Why don’t you find some other job!? Where your boss notices that you stay after everyday for a week to be promoted. You know Pinaro is nothing but a coffee shop. I mean, how much higher can you get than a baker?” I ask to Mandy as she eats the rest of her breakfast with Adam’s eyes glued on her.
“Well, I just want to be at the counter. That is only one promotion away. Then that is like the top, besides manager. I don’t like going home everyday and cleaning flour and bread dough from under my fingernails, and worse, my hair” gasps Mandy as she finds some dough in her pinky nail from yesterday.
“Just, stop trying,” says Adam, “I mean, he will never notice anything unless you make some new bagel or something that sells. That’s how that slut Cindy got to assistant manager, which isn’t even a position” grips Adam.
“Oh shit! We need to get to work,” screams Mandy, “We have 10 minutes.”
I clean up everybody’s plates and stick them on the ever growing stack of dishes in the sink, rush over towards my shoes by the door and grab my uniform apron, along with Mandy’s and Adam’s, and rush out to the car. Mandy and Adam follow slowly, probably smooching out of sight. I don’t care though, let them be a couple. It would be cute, unless I hear moans while I try and sleep. Then it starts to get creepy. So I hightail it out of slot 453 while, somehow, managing to put my apron on and fastening it. We barely make it to work. Clocking in at just 9:00 with a menacing glare from “that asshole of a boss”, as Mandy puts it.
Pinaro is a quaint little place. Never use the word quaint unless your gay, it just doesn’t flow the same. Like I was saying, Pinaro is for those “must get coffee because I’m too cheap to buy a Mr. Coffee pot” or my favorite “Let’s get some coffee to impress the ladies” guys. They are always the best. Work isn’t strenuous here, which is the ideal job for me. I work at the sandwich side. Yeah, who’d a thought to put a sandwich place inside a coffee shop, but it works! So anyways, I work at the sandwich counter. We are kind of like subway. Where you tell us the bread, cheese, meat, and such and we make it before your eyes. It’s magic! The people though are such pigs. “Can I get white round bread, American cheese and provolone, roast beef, turkey, ham, and chicken fillet, mayo, lettuce, tomatoes, olives, vinegar and oil, and I think that is it!” You THINK that is it. Gees, I could have stopped with just a meat and lettuce on round bread. Today’s society just sickens me. Where am I going with this? I went from my work to society. I need to get back on track. Anyways, I work at the sandwich counter, Adam is a busboy, Mandy is a baker, and our two friends, Terrance and Jacob, work at the coffee shop. Terrance is a black, “I grew up with roaches” kind of guy. You know, the ones that make your cheeks hurt from laughing. Then there is Jake. From the site, you would think he is gay. He hangs all over Terrance and me and jokes to the point where it could be serious. I still love him though. “He’s my dawg”, as Terrance would put it.
“Could I get a…” starts a customer with her jaws chomping away at Big Red. The smell just kills me. I better get this though. “Customers first” as “that asshole of a boss” would say. Hopefully work will be on my side today.
Chapter 2
“That was horrific!” screams Mandy as she picks dough out of her nails and flings it across the foyer.
“You!? Those little kids came in and destroyed every table, spilled every drink, and spread sugar ALL over the tables!” replies Adam in anger.
If you couldn’t tell, we had some kids come to Pinaro to see how to “work”. You know, get a job, do this, get fired, the whole works. And let me just say, those kids are missionaries from Satan, or at least Hitler. Every possible chance they could get, they would do something so vindictive that you could take their little bodies and mush them into the dough churner and then shove their mangled bodies into the oven to make them rise at 360 degrees. I’ll let Mandy and Adam explain the whole ordeal. Thank god the kids didn’t need sandwiches or learn how they were made.
“I mean, did you see what they were doing in the back of the bakery!?” exclaims Mandy as she undoes her apron and unbuttons her shirt.
“No…” I reply. I do, but for you all that don’t, I’ll let her explain.
“First they came in like angels and I even remarked to this cute blonde girl how pretty she was. So I showed them the ingredients, mixed them in the churner, made the dough, and let them see it. So I told them to wait here for a second while I go get some loaves for them to try and when I come back that little twit, the one I remarked about, tipped the mixing bowl just enough for all her friends to dip their grimy playground dirt fingers in. I wasn’t pissed that they got into the dough, but more or less what they did with it. Let’s just say, I think I have some dough in my ears and maybe in my thong.”
“I’ll check for dough!” shouts Adam as he rushes towards her.
“Very funny!”
“So, they basically threw dough around?”
“Yeah, you can say that. You can also say I’m going to be in the shower with my loofah for about an hour.”
“You got it easy! I’m serious, being a busboy is hard. Not to mention when you have a class of at least twenty-five kids running ramped. You know how I do the usual, wait for customers to leave, wipe down the table, put the dishes in my convenient tub thing, and then go and drop them off in the kitchen for washing. Well, I basically did the same thing, except it took about ten minutes to wipe down just one table. Some kid decided to say, “Hey, let’s pour sugar all over the tables to make Adam’s life harder!”
“I’m sure they said that…” replies Mandy as she keeps checking for dough. I can’t wait till she finds the dough in the back of her hair. It’s smeared all over.
“Well not exactly, but you get where I’m going. Little heathens. Sometimes you love your job, and sometimes you wish you could pack up and move to the Keys.”
“I know what you mean, but I can’t leave my lovely Chicago!” I shout while trying not to laugh at Mandy’s valiant dough picking efforts.
“You got it easy. No kid wants to learn how to make a sandwich! Plus, I’m sure they have some urban legend about the “Gay sandwich worker at Pinaro”” jokes Adam.
“Oh, they probably are like. “If you ask for rye bread he’ll take you in the back and…”” starts Mandy as I cover my hand over her mouth.
“I’m going to go take a nap. I’m too tired to stay up anymore” I say.
“You only woke up at 8:00 A.M. and its,” replies Mandy as she checks her watch, “6:30 P.M.”
“Yeah, but seeing you too try to keep those kids corralled made me laugh so hard that it just made me tired” I say while trying not to chuckle at the image of some kid on Mandy’s shoulder rubbing dough in her hair.
You know, guys just need more sleep then girls. Although, I’m sure all you girls that are reading this think “WHAT!” We really do, I mean, it gives us time to fantasize about all you girls, and for me, guys. I bet you I made you saw “aww” there. I’m that smooth. I really didn’t take a nap. I just went in my room, surfed on the internet and checked up on my parents back home. I called home and my dad answered while coughing half a lung over the phone. I decided that I should let them rest, and hung up. I’m sure they will know it’s me once they check their caller ID in two months. So, what should I do next? I’m thinking of going clubbing at this new “thrill” down two blocks from here. It’s called “G.A.G”. I’m not sure what the literally meaning of the mnemonic is, but you get the idea. It’s like “gays assing gays”. No not really, I just made that up, but I know one of those “G’s” means gay(s). I’m sure I could find somebody there to have a quick night with. Although it sounds so appetizing, I best not. Work tomorrow. Oh who am I kidding?!? I’m not looking for a quick night, and I don’t care about work, I’m looking for somebody to bring home at night. For an extensive period, if you get my drift. I’m sure I could find somebody, but I don’t know if I’m up for it. I bet your thinking it should be easy to find a gay lover, but I do differ. Last time I had somebody in my bed for more than one night was a friend in eighth grade that stayed while his parents were in Aspen. Let’s just say I knocked the kid out with Nyquil and did some “work” on him. I didn’t say “whose that last person I had in my bed willingly”, but just had in my bed. I’m sure that kid was shocked to find his pants soiled in the morning. I’m so naughty. Well, I’m going to go gripe to Mandy about finding somebody, maybe she’ll give me comfort.
“But, why would you want to find a guy to just huggle on?” asks Mandy.
“You know, I just feel so alone. It’s been ages since I’ve had somebody to pour my affection over” I reply as I lay my head on her lap and she messes with my hair.
“Still, I mean, you don’t need somebody right now! I’m not saying to not look, but just think about it, I have a…” she always says this, “friend in Springfield. I’m sure he would love to come over and meet you!”
“I don’t want that guy though. I want to find somebody on my own.”
Which I do, but I mean, I do need a little push.
“Well how about you stay in here for the night. Let things rest. Just let me go take that hour shower.”
Little to my knowledge, Adam was pacing outside Mandy’s doorway reveling in the fact that I can stay with her in her bed. He had to have been livid. I wish I could see his face. I could have won like a Kodak Moment award or something. So, to fix my red little wagon, he starts looking all over the internet on those “guy looking for guy” type revenues. I’m sure he looked at Match.com and other stupid pop ups that annoy the bejesus out of you. So, while he was searching I hear a scream from the bathroom that was close to shattering glass. Heh, what did I tell you about that dough in the back of her hair?