Anal Dildo =x: Including The Emoticon

Chapter 1

What life! Wake up at 8:00 A.M. in my dismal apartment stacked with two other friends; Adam and Mandy. You’re probably thinking, “Who is this person? Why does he keep rambling on about his dreary life!?” Well, I thought that too. Who am I really? The deeper David. Not the outer David, but the inner. I guess, when I look at it, I’ve always been “that kid”. You know the one that gets picked on all throughout high school with little friends. And of course your friends always say “Don’t worry, college will be different.” Boy, were they wrong. I was still picked on. Going through school was a continuous roller coaster of hate. Everybody, high school and college, always referred to me as “that kid”, “him”, “it”, or my favorite “the fag”. Yeah, you heard right, “the fag”. Been one ever since I could remember. A hard life, but it’s my life, so what more could I ask for! I think that is all I could really say about me. I mean what more do you want from me? Well, I’ll give you one more thing, just a little tidbit. My name is David, if you somehow didn’t notice that in the beginning, and I’m twenty-seven.

Where did I leave you guys off at? Oh! Work. Yes, I work at such a great place…seriously! Its heaven. I wake up at 8:00 A.M. to crackling reception. I always say I’ll put it on a station, but I never get to it. So I pull the sheets off my body slowly and start to stretch. I quickly swing my legs off the bed and jump to my feet. Run over to the alarm, flip the switch, and run towards the hallway. Hallway? Yeah, I have to get up my two friends who work with me too! I first go into Mandy’s room to wake her up because she can get Adam up. Let’s just say that Adam isn’t a morning person. Mandy is such a great gal. Always working to succeed in her career and in her friend’s eyes. Sounds sweet huh? Well she gets up, walks into Adam’s room and rips the sheets off his bed. He hates when I do that, but somehow it’s alright for Mandy to do so. I seriously think Adam has something going on with Mandy, but what is a gay guy to do? Maybe peek in during a shower to see if the two are in there together or maybe for self amusement. Adam, though, is a gay guy’s best friend. He was a jock in high school and all throughout is college career and still accepts me for who I am. How freaking amazing is that! He even goes places, in public mind you, with me…”the fag”. Well we all go our separate ways. I head straight for my contacts and then towards a hot 90 degrees shower. Nothing like scolding hot water to start a day!

“When will we make a compromise to clean this house?” asks Mandy to the two of us. She always says this at least once a week and always gets the same answer. I’m seriously thinking of cleaning it and giving her a heart attack.
“Soon” reply Adam and I, like always. “We better! I can ba…” starts Mandy as I interrupt and finish her sentence, “Before we can barely walk! We will get to it Mandy. Just stop worrying!”
“Sorry, I didn’t get much sleep and that asshole of a boss somehow doesn’t notice that I’ve stayed after all last week to help clean up!”
What did I tell you? Always trying to succeed in her career. No matter what! With emphasis on the what. If she wasn’t such a Virgin Mary catholic then she would probably sleep her way up the employment ladder. “Why don’t you find some other job!? Where your boss notices that you stay after everyday for a week to be promoted. You know Pinaro is nothing but a coffee shop. I mean, how much higher can you get than a baker?” I ask to Mandy as she eats the rest of her breakfast with Adam’s eyes glued on her.
“Well, I just want to be at the counter. That is only one promotion away. Then that is like the top, besides manager. I don’t like going home everyday and cleaning flour and bread dough from under my fingernails, and worse, my hair” gasps Mandy as she finds some dough in her pinky nail from yesterday.
“Just, stop trying,” says Adam, “I mean, he will never notice anything unless you make some new bagel or something that sells. That’s how that slut Cindy got to assistant manager, which isn’t even a position” grips Adam.
“Oh shit! We need to get to work,” screams Mandy, “We have 10 minutes.”

I clean up everybody’s plates and stick them on the ever growing stack of dishes in the sink, rush over towards my shoes by the door and grab my uniform apron, along with Mandy’s and Adam’s, and rush out to the car. Mandy and Adam follow slowly, probably smooching out of sight. I don’t care though, let them be a couple. It would be cute, unless I hear moans while I try and sleep. Then it starts to get creepy. So I hightail it out of slot 453 while, somehow, managing to put my apron on and fastening it. We barely make it to work. Clocking in at just 9:00 with a menacing glare from “that asshole of a boss”, as Mandy puts it.

Pinaro is a quaint little place. Never use the word quaint unless your gay, it just doesn’t flow the same. Like I was saying, Pinaro is for those “must get coffee because I’m too cheap to buy a Mr. Coffee pot” or my favorite “Let’s get some coffee to impress the ladies” guys. They are always the best. Work isn’t strenuous here, which is the ideal job for me. I work at the sandwich side. Yeah, who’d a thought to put a sandwich place inside a coffee shop, but it works! So anyways, I work at the sandwich counter. We are kind of like subway. Where you tell us the bread, cheese, meat, and such and we make it before your eyes. It’s magic! The people though are such pigs. “Can I get white round bread, American cheese and provolone, roast beef, turkey, ham, and chicken fillet, mayo, lettuce, tomatoes, olives, vinegar and oil, and I think that is it!” You THINK that is it. Gees, I could have stopped with just a meat and lettuce on round bread. Today’s society just sickens me. Where am I going with this? I went from my work to society. I need to get back on track. Anyways, I work at the sandwich counter, Adam is a busboy, Mandy is a baker, and our two friends, Terrance and Jacob, work at the coffee shop. Terrance is a black, “I grew up with roaches” kind of guy. You know, the ones that make your cheeks hurt from laughing. Then there is Jake. From the site, you would think he is gay. He hangs all over Terrance and me and jokes to the point where it could be serious. I still love him though. “He’s my dawg”, as Terrance would put it.

“Could I get a…” starts a customer with her jaws chomping away at Big Red. The smell just kills me. I better get this though. “Customers first” as “that asshole of a boss” would say. Hopefully work will be on my side today.