Everyday and in Everyway I'm Getting Better
I tell people I want to be a university professor, but really I want to be ten times more than that. I want to be famous. In the superficial kind of way. I want people to know my face and be like "Damn yo, that's that Kate chick" (because no one seems to remember that my name is actually Katie). I want to be like Madonna. But bigger, and better. I want to be extremely intellectual, as smart as a university prof, I want to be as beautiful as the most beautiful super model, I want to be as determined as Gandhi, I want to live like Hugh Heffner and Buddha mixed in some sort of tantric sex manoeuvre, I want to help the world and make more money than I'd ever need in 37 lifetimes and then give it all away. I never want to get married, I never want to settle down. I want to be the best of the best but sleep with the worst of the worst and the rest of the best will wonder why I am the way I am, how am I the way I am? And I'll shrug and when I die I'll turn into a cat and live another nine lives.
But, my finger nails are dirty. You know what that means. I'll have to clean them. Meaning, I'm tired. That's a lie! Ha ha ha. I think I should become religious. I go to church when I'm depressed. It cheers me up.
The world is my Buddha belly.
Did you ever wonder what your ingredients are? Like if you were packaged and sold in the 24 hour grocery store, would you be ok for people with diabetes?
One day I'm gonna get up and leave this joint. I'm gonna take no one with me but my cat. Hard to travel with animals I know, but I'll tell the airlines and the custom people that she's my sister. We kinda look the same.
The world is so fucking full of options. Realize that.
Sunday Best. South Side Chicago 1941. How perfect. I look at it for minutes and hours and it always seems so profound and provocative; powerful. I'm just an awkward black boy doin' what I can for my family. Don't be hatin' suh.
One day I will make you love me.