Application to Ryerson Journalism Program 2001:
So I was going to write a whole lot of what I thought you'd want to hear, but obviously I decided against it. Because I don't write like that. I don't write in complete sentences and complete thoughts. I can. But prefer not to.
I've been writing for a long time and have written a lot of different things many different ways. But my most favourite pieces are not the ones published in newspapers or any shit like that. Newspapers are for people who read to be depressed; they're for people who like to read about others to make themselves feel better, because they rarely do anything about the dying baby girls in China's orphanages or the impact of the Middle East crisis on North Americans. I read the newspaper and try to do stuff about it. But I don't like writing in newspapers. I don't write news.
I like to write about extractions of human emotions and tacky bubble gum coloured skirts worn by social rejects who kill their cats to make sweaters. I write about my fan clubs and how the men I work with can undress me with their eyes. I write sex poems and give them to strangers while attempting to seduce them with my eyes and my wannabe schoolgirl looks. I write about being a bisexual teenager with a psychotic homophobic control freak of a mother and how I'd like to drive away to India. (But while missing teenager reports are not filed, missing car reports are.) I write about me, me, me, me.
When I grow up, I want to have this mad magazine called Artificial Stars and people will read it and look at it and say, 'Oh my gosh! This is so sick. Wicked. I'm British! Jungle! Jungle!' And it will be all about me and my ideas. And I just might take over the world.
Why you should let me into Journalism at Ryerson: I will rule the world one day. Don't you want to say that I went to your university? You'll be British by then anyway and you'll love every inch of me. And all my social rejects. I am the epitome of your perfect journalism student, look at my effort. I just like Church St.
By Katie West
Note: Some shameless self-indulgence - I got into the Ryerson Journalism program on this alone. Not portfolio, nothin' - just this. That makes me think the journalism program at Ryerson isn't all it's cracked up to be...