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My life has been a constancy of ups and downs. My childhood is a vague memory that I strive to remember just for the sake of remembering. I do remember tugging a tricycle to the top of a hill by my house when I was little, getting on, and just letting gravity do its thing. If only I understood to let life do its thing now. I constantly catch myself trying to override the way things are supposed to happen in my life, such as asking guys out throughout Junior High and High School. That simply was not God’s will for my life. Getting myself into more and more trouble as the years passed by, I knew it was time for a change. The trouble I got into wasn’t necessarily trouble with authorities or my parents, however, if they had found out they would have been highly disappointed with me. The change I knew I needed was Jesus. I remembered Him from Sunday school when I was very young, and with high school graduation in sight, I knew I would need Him for this next leg of my life. I started attending church again at the age of 16. I also got my first job that year, which might have been a better experience had I learned the values of self control. That last year of high school was filled with behavior that I am now very ashamed of, even though it might seem slight in comparison with some of my peers. After a year into college, I was as far into sin as I had ever been, the whole while attending church and singing in the choir, not realizing the consequences held therein. A touring musical group eventually came through my town and performed at my church. I was unable to attend because I was working. At the concert, my parents picked up an application for me to join the group. Keep in mind, I had never been able to sing before I began attending church. After filling out the application and doing everything that applying entailed, I sent it out, not thinking that I would ever get accepted. Approximately two days after mailing the application, I received a perky call from a southern lady pertaining to my application. She was calling to offer me a position in singing soprano for the fall tour in 2000. I ecstatically accepted and promptly began writing a letter to ask for financial support. To my astonishment, the support came generously and quickly. After the most excruciating ten days of training beforehand, I was officially a soprano with four solos on tour with the Continental Singers. Seeing all these young people with faith as strong as foundations made of stone made me realize that I really was not living my life the way that God wanted me to. I was living my life for myself, not really caring about what God’s will was. I had thought that the Christian life was great for older people, but not for me, 18 and immature. Time spent doing Bible studies on four, five, or six hour bus trips daily gave me an insight at what God’s will for me was. In sharing my testimony with the other people on tour, I realized that it was brand new, that this was just the beginning of my life. I was a mere infant. When I got home, I wanted nothing more than to serve God and follow Him. This meant that I would have to take a completely different road than I had been traveling for several years in majoring in architecture and switching to music. It was fully clear to me that God wanted me to be a music minister...a worship leader. If you know me, you know that I am no sort of leader. This title scares me, but I know that God will give me strength through His Son, Jesus. I am still searching, still trying to figure out what my next step should be. Being in the dark is no fun, but it only makes the light that much brighter.
In my life, I rely on the Holy Bible, the spoken Word of God, my Sword for all guidance. I have really relied on Jeremiah 29:11-13 that says, " ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you, not to harm you.’"
I have also been comforted in Psalm 23.
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever
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