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March 8, 2005

So tonight I went to the gym with my workout partner, Jeremy. There this girl at the gym that I fancy. Shefs engaged, best I can figure. You know, big ass ring, big as sparkley in the middle. Anyways, engaged or not, shefs very flirty with me, and Ifm very easy to make interested. Red hair, exotic name, that demure smile that seems to be a thin facade to hide the liberated femme fatale.

So anyways, therefs this girl. Ifm sitting on, some machine that works out your back muscles. You sit there, and pull down a bar from overhead, to chest level, itfs attached to cables and what not. So Ifm there, yanking on a meager 90 lbs. On my third rep, I notice this girl, on the other side of the machine, looking at me through the cables. Shefs got thisc quizzical doe in the headlights look on her face, and a cute little smirk. I was in the middle of telling my buddy about my fantastic Sunday at the movies.

Let me take a moment here to give you a little background. If you donft know me well, I am among the worst when it comes to dealing with gthe ladiesh. I can recite my mantra in my head, gI am a sexy bitch, I am a sexy bitch, I am a sexy bitch.h And I can feel like a sexy bitch, but I am easily made nervous, and then I just totally flub it. Today, no exception to the rule.

And now back to our story, already in progress. So I think, what can I say, thatfs clever, cute, and confident while shefs staring at me? Somethingc suggestivec somethingc masculine, yet sensitive. Something like gdid ya come over to watch my eyes pop out of my head on my last rep?h Maybe it wasnft supposed to be something like that. I could see my imaginary cue card holder trying to flag my attention back on the cards. Where the hell did that come from? He seemed to say, read the cards, thatfs not what was on the cards. Ok, thatfs ok, we can recover from this, we can roll with it. She, as cute as can be, says gNo, I wanted to see how much youfre pumping.h I glance over to reaffirm Ifm only pumping 90 lbs, but thatfs ok, I can say something cute and clever to insinuate that I think shefs fit, and attractive. Ifll compliment her physique. Ifll say something like gIfm only pumping 90 lbs, I bet you weigh more than that.h My internal cue card holder hung his head in shame, and I heard something under is breath, it was Italian, but Ifm sure it didnft mean nice things.

The girl, being much more adept at this boy girl shit than me, looks at my workout partner and asks him gwas that supposed to be some sort of compliment?h To which he responds gI think he thought so.h I hang my head in shame. She comments that she wanted to see if I was strong enough to pick her up. To pick her up. I know shefs otherwise occupied, but that justc took me down the other path. She then tells me she weighs 60 lbs more than Ifm doing, so maybe I canft pick her up. My internal cue card man dropped his cards and started banging his head against a cement column. I began looking for a crow bar to pry my foot loose from my face.