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[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, and Ross are sitting on the couch. Rachel is on the sofa chair, and Phoebe and David are sitting on chairs. Joey comes running in.] Joey:(running in) Oh my god guys guess what? All: What/whats going on/what happened Joey: I'm gonna be in a movie and its set in Austrailia. All: Oh my god/thats so cool. Chandler: Thats great Joe. You're going to the Outback. Joey: No. Why would a movie be shooting in my backyard? Rachel: So Joey does that mean you'll be gone for a while? Joey: No. I'm only gonna be gone for a few days. But there's another surprise. All: What is it?/What? Joey: The casting people asked me to bring some friends along as extras so.... All: (confused look on their faces) Joey: So you all can come as well! All: Oh wow thats so cool/can't wait to go Ross: Oh thats so cool. I always wanted to go Down Under. Joey: Whoa, Ross! This ain't a porno flick. OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe,Monica, and Chandler are sitting around.] Chandler:(straining to read a book without his glasses.) Monica: Where are your glasses? Chandler: I'm trying to impress you with my super seeing powers...as I make my sex face. Monica: Wow, Austrailia. I always wanted to go there. When I was a kid, I used to play with my stuffed animals and whenever I had a tea party, the kanagroo was the host. Chandler: And you would eat the Dungaroo cookies and frosting with your furry friends. Phoebe: I wonder if my masseusing license is good anywhere. Monica: Why? Phoebe: Well, I need to make some money, plus I get to massage something Australian. I get to take something Australian back home on my hands. Chandler: I guess these days a T-shirt isn't good enough. (David enters) Phoebe:(gets up) Hey sweetie. David: Uh, Phoebe, I need to uh, talk to you. (Phoebe and David walk outside. There is a cab outside.) Phoebe: Whats up? David: Well uh, I don't know how to, uh say this but,um...I have to go back to Minsk. Phoebe: What? I thought you said that you are back here for good. That the whole "positronic distillation of sub-atomic particles" wasn't possible. That we could have all the, uh, fun we want and not worry about science interrupting our, uh ,lives. David: Well, it uh, turns out that, a new discovery was made. There might very well be, uh, way. Phoebe: So I guess this is goodbye again. (David and Phoebe hug.) (David gets in the cab and goes off to Minsk. As the cab drives away, Mike is standing on the otherside of the street. Phoebe sees him and is a little leary as to whether or not she goes over there.) Phoebe:(walking across the street) Mike? Mike: Hey. Phoebe: Don't tell me your leaving and going off to some foreign country too. Mike: No. I've been thinking about you lately. I was wrong to just leave you and say that we didn't have a future. I want us to be together again. What do you say to that? Phoebe: Well, you were an inspiration for alot of my songs after we broke up...but even more when we were together. Mike: So thats a yes? Phoebe: Yes. (Mike and Phoebe kiss) (Monica and Chandler walk outside and see Mike and Phoebe kissing.) Monica: Is that Mike? Chandler: Hold on. (takes out his glasses.) Yep it is. (Monica gives Chandler a look.) These are good for something. [Scene: On the airplane to Australia. Joey and Charlie, Monica and Chandler, Phoebe and Mike, Ross and Rachel, are all sitting together.] (Ross is sleeping and stretching out in his chair, as he listens to his headphones. Rachel is staring at Joey who is sitting behind her and he is listening to head phones, as Charlie sleeps. Monica is in the aisle seat next to her) Monica: Rachel! Rachel: Yes? Monica: Stop looking at Joey. Rachel: I just can't help it. I can't contain myself. Monica: You need to get over this. Nothing can happen with you and Joey. Rachel: I didn't say anything had to happen. You're the one suggesting it. Monica: What? Rachel: I just have to deal with my feelings one way. Monica: Thank you Rachel: Or another.... Monica:(sighs.) Rachel: Ow! Ross! Stop stretching out, the captain said to have a pleasant trip, not an arrgravating one. Ross: I'm just so cramped over here by the window. Rachel: So let me switch with you. Ross: NO! (looks out the window) I wanna look out the window as we fly. (Rachel is aggravated and places the magazine over her face.) [Scene: Sydney Airport. Everyone is coming from the gate. Rachel is last to come out. She has a big red circle on her nose. When she laid the magazine on her face, she left a lipstick sample open in the magazine and its on her nose.] Rachel: Wow! I can't believe it! I'm here! Chandler: You or Bozo The Clown? Rachel: What? (Everyone notices and starts to laugh) Rachel: What? What's the matter? Joey: Um, Rach, you have some red stuff all over your nose. (Rachel takes out a compact and gasps in shock.) Rachel: Oh my god! Ross! Did you get bored and decide to draw on my face, again? Ross: No. Rachel: Ross, I am not a human doodle. Ross: No! I didn't draw a big circle all over your nose. Rachel: Well now that the joke is over, does anyone have a tissue? (Everyone murmurs no/ I don't.) Rachel: Oh come on! Someone has one and I'm gonna get you all. (Everyone starts running to the luggage area, so as to avoid Rachel who is struggling with her stuff to catch up with them. Suddenly, she falls face first. As she is on the ground, she notices that she is staring at someones shoes. She looks up and sees a very handsome man. He has black hair and brown eyes. He's about 6'0''.) Rachel: Hey. Man: What's up, mate? Rachel: You at the moment. You from around here? Man: Yes, I am. My name is Matteo. Rachel: I'm Rachel. I'm American. Matteo:(chuckles) I'm an Aussie. Can't ya tell by the ol' accent? Rachel: How old exactly? Matteo: 33. Rachel: Oh yes. (Time passes by. Everyone but Rachel is by the luggage area.) Joey: Has anyone seen Rach? Monica: No. Chandler: Maybe the circus took her hostage...(Rachel comes walking arm in arm with Matteo, as he helps her with her luggage.) Monica:....Or some strange,good looking Aussie. (Chandler gives her a look) Oh honey, don't you agree? Rachel: Oh hey you guys, this is Matteo. All: (hello/hi) Matteo: Hello Rachel: Matteo was here today filming a movie. Joey: Really? I'm here to film a movie too. Hey, What movie are you filming? Matteo: Reel Aussie Joey: Me too! Hey, who are you playing? Matteo: I'm playing the manager of Leo Arden. Joey: Hey, I'm Leo Arden! Chandler: Hey, we could just stand here all day or we could go to the hotel! (All look at Chandler.) Phoebe: Monica, go have sex with him to shut him up. [Scene: Woolloomooloo Waters Hotel. Phoebe and Mike, Chandler and Monica, Joey and Charlie all get their rooms as couples. Ross gets his own room as does Rachel.] Charlie: This place is beautiful. Ross: I know. Say, does anyone want to go sightseeing. There so much to do. Joey: I can't; I gotta study my lines because there's shooting tommorow. Matteo: Same here. Rachel: Same here. Monica: Uh, Rach? Rachel: Yeah? Monica: You don't have any lines. Rachel: I do have lines...when I help the guys rehearse. Monica: Rach, can I talk to you? (She pulls Rachel aside). Rach, I'm warning. Do not tell Joey anything. Rachel: I'm not going to. I'm interested in Matteo right now. Monica: Ok. (to Ross) Me and Chandler are just gonna go around and do some things. Chandler: We're just not interested in learning anything today. Ross: Fine. Pheebs? Phoebe: Oh no. Me and Mike have some catching up to do. (gives Mike a sexy look) Ross: Ok, way too much info. So Charlie? Charlie: I think I can go. Ross: Great. So, um, see you all later. [Scene: Rachel's hotel room. Rachel sets her stuff down.] Rachel:(Goes to wipe red circle on her face. She scrubs really hard and ends up spreading it out and making her nose really red. She sighs and sits on bed.) (knocking at the door. Rachel gets up and opens the door) Rachel: Hey, Joe. Joey: Hey.(notices her nose got even redder) Listen, do you wanna run lines with me and Matteo? Rachel: Sure. (Joey and Matteo come walking in. Rachel sits on the bed.) Rachel: Ok, where do I read from? Joey: Um, right here. (points to where to read from.) Rachel: Ok. Joey:(Leo) What is the problem, Harry? Matteo:(Harry) You have a thing for my ex-girlfriend! Rachel:(Alicia) I'm the one that has a thing for him. I constantly think about him. I've dreamed of him. I become jealous when he does scenes with other girls. I felt bad when his girlfriend found out about my feelings. I got goosebumps everytime he touched me or suggested something and I thought it was something else. My friends tell me that I shouldn't be with him because I'm Harry's ex. I know that Leo and I get along great as friends, but I think that we could be something more. I wanna see where this leads to. (Rachel starts to tear up.) Listen, Harry, we haven't been together for a while, almost 6 years. I feel like I can't be with anybody because of you. If you still have a thing for me, you should just say it! (Rachel realizes the scene is parallel to hers. She starts crying, runs out of the room and slams the door. Joey and Matteo are left in a state of confusion, as they stare at the door that Rachel left out of.) [Scene: Streets of Sydney. Phoebe and Mike are walking. Phoebe is carrying her guitar over her shoulders.] Phoebe: I had a great time "catching up." Mike: Me too. I missed you over the last few months. (they notice a sign on a place called The Coffee Connection, saying "Musicians Wanted for 2003 Winter Concert Series. Apply within.") Phoebe: Oh! You know what would be so cool? If we played at the concert series. I need to make money and play my songs. What you say you, pianist? Mike: Sounds like fun. Phoebe: Great. (Phoebe drags Mike inside.) (They walk up to the bar to apply for the series.) Phoebe: Hello, excuse me. Um, we were wondering if you are still taking applications for the 2003 Winter Concert Series. Bar Guy: Yes we are. Phoebe: Oh yeah! Bar Guy: But you have to be Australian to participate. Phoebe(australian accent): Well, mate. You just heard me American chippy accent. Bar Guy: Really? Where abouts are you staying? Mike(australian accent): Well, she is residing in me place. I live right here in Sydney.(kind of forceful) And I'd appreciate it if you would allow us to play our music in the series. When is it taking place? What time is it? What day? How much are we paid? And where do we sign up? Bar Guy: The Outback Centre. be here at 4:00pm. Tonight. $500. Sign your names right here. Mike(australian accent): Thank you mate. Have a splendid day. (Mike and Phoebe walk away.) Phoebe(australian accent): What a firm hand you have? Mike: I know. You can stop the accent now. Phoebe(austalian accent): It' hard to stop. [Scene: Darling Harbour. Chandler and Monica are walking around.] Monica: This place is so beautiful. Chandler: Not as beautiful as you. Monica: Aww. Thats not gonna stop me from going shopping. Chandler: So I never win in this marriage? Monica: No. (She kisses Chandler. She notices a sign over Chandler's shoulder. It says "Are you looking to win something while here in Australia? Head on over to The Spinners Bar for more details.") But you might be able to win something else. (Monica points to the sign) Chandler: Ahh..the challenge is on. (Chandler and Monica go to the bar to see what the competition is about. They go up to the bar.) Chandler: Excuse me ma'am. I noticed (Monica clarifies him.) My wife noticed a sign outside about winning something. What exactly is entail? Bar Girl: Well, in fact this competition is for couples. The couple that can drink the most, in 10 minutes wins a stay in a deluxe suite Pacific International Suites for the night, and $400 dollars each. Are you interested? Monica: We'll do it! Chandler: Monica, do you know what happens when you get drunk? Monica: No.. Chandler: You let the truth out! Monica: So what? It's not like anyone else from out group is gonna do it. Chandler: I guess your right.(to bargirl) Ok, we'll do it. Bar girl: Just sign right here and sign this liability form. (Monica and Chandler sign the forms) Bar girl: Ok, you're all set. Just be here tonight at 10:00pm. Monica: Ok, we'll see you there. (walking away.) This is gonna be so much fun! Chandler: Yeah it'll be fun. It'll be fun when I end up face first with a toliet bowl. (Monica and Chandler head back to the hotel.) [Scene: Sailboat. Ross and Charlie end up taking a sailboat ride with a few other people.] Ross: This is so nice. Charlie: I know. Man: No I am not gonna just jump off the boat. Woman: Well, you should you logger. Man: What? I am not a logger. I had a couple drinks with a woman and you take me for some cheater. Woman: Well you are! (The woman pushes the man. As he's being pushed, he bumps into Ross who bangs into Charlie. Ross ends up on top of Charlie on the floor. They stare at each other for a few seconds. Ross kisses Charlie. Charlie kisses back and they kiss for a few minutes.) Charlie: Wait. This isn't right. Ross: What do you mean? Charlie: I'm still going out with Joey. Ross: Oh (he gets off of her). Charlie: Yeah. We need to talk. [Scene: Chandler and Monica's room. Monica is sitting on the bed watching TV.] (There is a knock on the door.) Monica: Come in. Rachel: Hey Mon. Monica: Rachel, what's the matter? Rachel: Well, I was rehearsing lines with Joey and Matteo. As I was reading my part, I started to realize how similar the movie is to my life right now. I'm Harry's, Matteo's part, ex-girlfriend. My character Alicia, has an interest in Leo, Joey's character. Harry feels mad at me and Leo. I tell him that I want to be with Leo and that he should let me go and let me live. Monica: Wow. Did you read the rest of the script? Rachel: No not yet. Monica: That is so weird. Looks like you should read the rest of the script to see what happens. I know that you will make the right decision. Rachel: Thanks Mon. (Chandler comes in with some little bottles of liquor) Chandler: Hey Mon, I got some bottles so we can practice...(Chandler finally notices Rachel in the room). Rachel: Mon, whats Chandler doing with all those liquor bottles? Monica: Well, um, we plan on having liquor sex tonight. Rachel: Liquor sex? Monica: Yeah. It's when you go out to a bar and drinking so much, that it feels like sex. See, Chandler is using the littles bottles for the foreplay before liquor sex. Rachel: Oh. So you mean to tell me that you are going to a bar tonight and are gonna have sex. Monica: Yeah. Rachel: Did you plan on inviting anybody else to this "liquor sex''? Monica: No. Rachel: Oh really. Why weren't you going to invite anybody else? Chandler: Oh enough with the mind games. Monica and I are entering a couples contest. The couple that can drink the most in 10 minutes wins a stay at a deluxe suite and $400 dollars per person. Monica: Chandler! Chandler: Monica I just wanna practice the "sex" part already. Rachel: Alright Bing. You're gonna wait your turn. (to Monica) Well, since you hate to lose, me and Matteo will enter that competition and we're gonna win. Monica: You're on. Rachel: Now where may I enter this contest. Monica: Why don't you find it out yourself? Chandler: Oh for the love of god the place is called Spinners. (Monica gives him a look) I wanna have sex! [Scene: Joey and Charlie's Room. Joey is sitting around. He hears a knock at the door.] Joey:(lets Matteo in). Hey, Whats up? Matteo: I'm just wondering if you want to run some more lines. Joey: Sure. Matteo: I wonder what happened to Rachel. Joey: She probably went to talk to Monica. Matteo: I was gonna ask her out tonight. Joey: Oh? You were? Matteo: Yeah. I really like her. Joey: She is really great. Matteo: Are you ok? Joey: Yeah. It's just that I used to like her a long time ago. Last year. Matteo: Oh. Did you ever get over her? Joey: It was hard, and I think a little part of me hasn't gotten over her. Matteo: You must've really liked her. Joey: Yeah. So much so, that I told her that she should move out because she should live with the father of her baby. Matteo: She has a baby? Joey: Oh, I'm sorry if I freaked you out-- Matteo: No its ok. I'm not freaked out by babies. I have 5 sisters and each have at least 3 kids. Joey: Really? I have 7 sisters and they have lots of kids. Matteo: Isn't it crazy with all of those female hormones running around. Joey: Yeah. And especially when they start dressing you up and put make up on you. Matteo: I didn't have any of that going on. Joey: Oh, well, thats the difference between your Australians and us Americans. [Scene: Phoebe and Mike's gig at The Outback Centre. Afterwards, they are getting dinner and heading over to Spinners to watch the contest.] Announcer: And now lets give a warm welcome to Phoebe and Mike. (Phoebe sits on a stool and Mike takes his place by the piano.) Phoebe: (into the microphone, with australian accent) 'Ello there mates. I'm going to sing a little tune for you that I wrote. "When I lie next to you it feels oh so cozy. And nothing seems to be wrong. But then I turn you over and I get nosy. And there it is, a pink lacy, thong. Lalalalalalalala....." (the song goes on for a little bit more. And the audience cheers wildly.) Wow thank you all. I have one more song that is a favorite of mine. "Smelly cat, smelly cat What are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat It's not your fault..." (The song continues a little more and there is tons of wild cheering.) Thank you all very much and I hope to see ya soon mates! (Phoebe and Mike exit the stage and are greeted backstage by everyone.) All:Congratulations Pheebs!/Good job. Phoebe: They loved me, they really loved me.(looks at Mike) And they loved you too. Matteo: You did fantastic (he kisses Phoebe on the lips. Everyone is looking at him, especially Mike.) Mike: Why did you kiss my girlfriend like that? Matteo: Well, in my family, we like to congratulate people by kissing them on the lips. All: oh! Joey: Oh. (he kisses Phoebe.) Monica: Joey! Joey: Hey, its tradition and you can't break a tradition! [Scene: Spinners Bar. Chandler and Monica, Mike and Phoebe, and Rachel and Matteo, have all entered the contest. There are about 50 other couples there.] Monica: I can't wait to start. Chandler: I'd rather not start. Monica: You do know what this leads to. Chandler: Come on! Can we start the contest now?! Announcer: Ok are all couples ready? We will be serving you beer, wine and some daiquiris throughout the contest. And the contest begins...NOW! (Monica and Chandler start off with some wine. Matteo and Rachel are drinking some beer. Phoebe and Mike are drinking daiquiris.) Ross: Look at them go! Joey: I know. This is a good night for Joey. Ross: But you're going out with Charlie. Joey: I didn't tell you? Charlie and I broke up after she came back from sailing. Ross: Oh my god. I'm sorry. Joey: I thought that she was the one too. But then I realized that me and her have nothing in common. Ross: So where is she now? Joey: She's back at the hotel. Ross: Oh. Joey: Chug that beer, Monica! (Ross scoots his way through the crowd, towards the entrance of the bar and leaves.) Rachel: I can't drink anymore. Matteo: It's ok. I'll take care of it as much as I can. Rachel:Thanks. Phoebe: This is just another Saturday night for me. Mike: Me too. Chandler: Geez, Monica, how much are you drinking? Monica: Just keep going Bing!! Announcer: three, two, one...time. All couples put the cups down. We will see how much each couple has consumed by counting the amount of cups that are empty. If you drank a little bit of a drink, it doesn't count. Chandler: Oh god! I can't feel my legs. Monica: You really won't feel them later. Rachel: Whooooooaaa!!!!!!!!! I am so--drunk Matteo: Yoou ok? Rachel: Yeah. I just need to sit down for a while.( She attempts to sit on a stool, but misses and falls down. Joey being near by, checks to make sure shes ok) Joey: Rach? Rach? Are you ok? (tries to wake her up) Wake up Rach! Rachel: (starts to wake up) Hey. (she smiles.) Joey: Hey. Rachel: (looks at Joey and starts to realize that she's in his arms. She starts to think) I gotta go. (She runs out of the bar) Matteo: What was that all about? Joey: (confused) I don't know. Matteo: Probably the liquor. You Americans can't hold a drink like us. Phoebe: Hey! I can hold my liquor very well. Right, Mike? Mike: (stumbling and feeling dizzy) Uh yeah. (Joey leaves the bar to find where Rachel is.) Announcer: And now we have the results. The winner of the couples drinking contest...with a total of 12 drinks each are....Chandler and Monica! Monica: I won!!!!(Chandler gives her a look.) We won. Chandler: It's ok. I want you to win (feels dizzy). (Chandler and Monica walk up, less than gracefully to the podium.) Announcer: Here's your hotel ticket and $400 dollars each. Chandler: I'd like to thank my parents for having sex. And for the fine makers of Budweiser, who played a part in my conception. Monica: I'd like to say---I'm so drunk right now, that all of you look like a big swirl to me! (Wild cheering from the audience.) Phoebe: Good drinking. Mike: Good job Matteo: You were ok. Monica: Thanks. Where's Joey and Rachel? Matteo: Rachel ran off after she fainted and Joey went after her. Monica: Oh. Anyway, I could use a good night of sex (holds up vouched for sutie) at a deluxe suite!!. Chandler: I don't know (Monica gives him a look) Let's go! (They go running off.) Matteo: I gotta get going. I have to get up tommorow morning for the film.(He leaves) Phoebe: So... Mike: Yeah. Phoebe: Ok. (They go off.) [Scene: Outside hotel. Rachel is sitting outside. Joey comes running down the block. The skies have become more cloudy.] Joey: Rach? (sits next to her.) What happened at the bar? Rachel: Oh nothing. I just felt faint. thats all. Joey: Why'd you leave? Rachel: Because I--uh-- (gets up.) And then I stumbled for a little bit down the street here. Joey:(gets up) You didn't tell me why you left. Rachel: I went upstairs and read the rest of the script and it says that Leo and Alicia get together much to other peoples dismay. And I ended up down here with dirt on my knees Joey: Rachel, your forgetting one thing Rachel: What are you my father? (imitating her father. pacing around) "Why are you leaving Rachel? You don't walk away from me!" (It starts to rain.) Joey: Rachel, your not telling me anything!Why did you leave?! Rachel: Because--um--well---this (She jumps to him and kisses him, long and sweet.) Joey: (in a daze) Uh... Rachel:Oh.(chuckles a little) You have a little red on your nose. Joey: Oh.(he laughs a little) Rachel: But um..(Steps back for a moment.) Uh...well..lately...I um...have started to have....feelings and thoughts...for you. (She looks at him.) Joey: Why didn't you tell me? Rachel: Because. Everyone thought that I shouldn't tell you. Joey: Do you follow what everyone says? Rachel: No. Joey: Neither do I. (He grabs her and kisses her. They kiss for a long time.) (The rain is increasing and its thundering. The song "Yellow'' by Coldplay is playing.) (There is a silhouette shot of someones hand opening a curtain to Joey and Rachel kissing. We don't know who it is) Does the hand belong to Ross? Matteo? One of the girls? Find out...