Starbucks, It Rhymes with...
Trabaja
Blaring blending
Oh! It stopped
Gotta jiggle it
There it goes,
What a pain in the ass
Fill to the first line
Was it blue or tan?
Fill the rest and pour.
Shitty Frap Crap
Car starts
Why is that an option!
I would like to know
If there was tennis being played
Did they even pay?
I need to know!
Heat coming
Tires deflating
Over flowing
Foam spilling
Flat fucking spoon
How is it suppose to scoop
Can I take a 10?
Damn it.
Demonic Pumps
Hazelnut
It haunts me
Toffee Nut too
Demonically evil
Spills on my shoe
Pumps spring up
Stay down,
Damn it!
Raspberry sprays
Bruising all it touches
It hurts my brain
Will it wash out?
Probably not
That’s my luck
People need to like Vanilla
Clear and neutral
Everything else gets complicated
My hands stick together
Will you clean them for me?
Damn it
I’m Nuts
Hopping along the fields of Ohlone College
Imitating snowmobiles rolling over powdered mounds
I see it outside the window when standing next to the bar
Twitching its fluffy dust wand tail
Twitch, Twitch, Twitch
Like a robot
Sending a signal to the others
Tall grass hides its face of sinister plotting
Sometimes, I think
They plant messages in acorns
The plan is simple
Complete domination of the earth!
Really, they’re sophisticated rodents
Taking economics and the concepts of communism
At this institution of learning
Sometimes, I think
The key objective is to seize Starbucks
It makes perfect sense
They basically rule the world anyways
No. 2 even had an interest
My boss is their cousin…
He’s a little weasel
I’m sure eventually one
Would assume dictator
And we would become Barista slaves
I guess that’s why they react
Like they’re on crack
They must be addicted,
But who isn’t?
So here, they gather
Looking so cute and all
How could something that adorable
Be so evil?
But they are
Working together to take down the scum
That they call naked retarded monkeys
But not cool enough to have tails
With those obtuse clothes
Two of the bipedal organisms wandered toward
The devious genius with books in hand
Quick! Scurry up the tree
So no one will see the true face of malicious pondering
To All Starbucks Addicts
Rules for customers to abide by:
Do not walk into any Starbucks location
If you do, you might as well
Take up smoking and light your wallet on fire
Unfortunately, people who have already accomplished this act and
Are into the addiction, I hate…
You just violated rule number one
If you approach the location and
There is an employee outside taking
A cigarette break, or any break for that matter
This is not an appropriate time to socialize
Wait ‘til they are inside at the counter
When they are being paid to be nice to you
Never order any variation of the Frap
You would truly know why if you had to make
5, 000, 000, 000,000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000
000, 000, 000 CRFs every single day!
They’re disgusting, messy to make, and a pain in my ass
And I think some Baristas liberate their saliva
In the Frap mix as an added ingredient,
I don’t do that, no
If you didn’t know, the VCF is 690 calories with 26 grams of fat
Slather yourself with cottage cheese if you want the same affect
Just don’t ask me to do it
To all bathroom users:
Use TP, that’s what it’s there for
If you use the seat covers, flush or throw ‘em away
Do not throw the urine saturated paper on the ground
Wash your hands in the sink with soap,
That’s what it’s there for
To all men bathroom users
You need to practice your aim
Shorter fellas need to step closer to the plate
If a spillage occurs on aisle 5
Clean it up, cuz I shouldn’t have to
Do not leave Polaroids of yourself for us to find
No one wants to see your 40 yr ness
Cuz that’s just nasty
Again, to all men:
Do not make your Rico Suave
“How’s work?” line or
When I say, “Anything else?”
Do not respond with, “Your phone number.”
I am at work you old bastard,
You + Me = Jail time
Your approach is trite, and just damn right annoying
Mr. Doppio Macciato, I am not going to
Tell my mother about you
The fact that you say
“I am a 50yr who is a stunt man and lives in LA”
Tells me that I do not want you to
Be my future step father
For all the gay men:
My manger’s number is (510) 684-****
Stop asking me where he is
If he’s not at work
You can catch him dancing
In a cage at a club in Castro Valley
He doesn’t need your leather halter
Because he has one of his own in his closet
Tip large sums of money at a time
We don’t mind that
I have looked in the church fund
That is in the shape of a barn
And I am sad to say that there are 20 dollar bills in there
What the hell is wrong with you?!
Get out of my store