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Newton Indoor Sports

TBT Ice Hockey

What is Baked Ostrich Hockey?

The Ostriches were founded in the winter of 2002. Team owner, manager and captain Pat Conlon put together an all star cast of himself, Dave Archangeilieouuuuoooooo, TBT, Suit Case wheels, Chris T, Lloyd, a couple of nubs, a nasty defenseman and a poor goalie named Phil that had to face about 180-270 shots a game. The original team name was the Wildcats, because Conlon was so damn unoriginal. After a disappointing debut of a season, cuts were made and players quit. The nubs were cut, the nasty defenseman left out of respect for the nubs, and Dave Archangielliiiooooueo could not negotiate his contract.

For the next season there were two additions, signed were CNOTE and Bill, two goal scorers and two key additions to the squad. CNOTE may have been the best acquisition in team history for the money. The only incentives in his contract were Lloyds underwear after every game. While the team improved to playoff caliber there were still a couple of problems. Suitcase wheels had a serious attitude problem and when his hockey bag broke a wheel, he decided it was best he quit hockey forever and work on building the ultimate hockey bag that has even bigger wheels that don't break. He is now nowhere to be found. Some say he is touring with a foo fighters cover band, but these rumors have not been confirmed. Cut from the team was Lloyd. After being told it might not be a good idea to take a slap shot that goes wide right, every time he crossed the red line, he flipped out and refused to show up to the games on time. Conlon doesn't stand for behavior detrimental to the team. Lloyds departure cleared salary cap room for another defenseman..Adam K.

In his first tryout with the team, everyone knew he was retarded and no one really liked him, but due to his intensity and the fact that he limited the amount of shots Phil saw to under 150 a game he was given a spot on the team. The ostriches were now a legitimate contender appearing in the semi finals or finals two years in a row. In an all effort to win the cup Conlon tried anything, he needed one more player. The last acquisition to complete the seven man wrecking crew was an ape imported from the san Diego zoo. Even while on vacation Conlon thinks about nothing but the ostriches. While in the San Diego zoo, Conlon saw a monkey swinging around a stick aimlessly for hours...he immediately saw potential....he ran a stealth mission later that night at 4 a.m. with a dozen bananas, broke him out of the zoo and put him on the team. The experiment was short lived as it only lasted a season after animal rights activists saw him leaving the rink. Conlon was let off the hook easy after giving authorities "favors" in return for his freedom.

Even with the ape, the ostriches still could not achieve the ultimate goal. In 2003 Conlon made another key acquisition. Greg "don't call me John, cause Im better" LeClair. With this acquisition the Ostriches look like they have their best squad yet. Will they win the cup this year????????

Questions, comments, feedback..... let us know at ostrichhockey@lycos.com