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Neighborhood in shock as Keegan Valaika and Grant Windes are accused of Extreme Homosexuality
Laguna Beach - A usually calm your city neighborhood is in shock this evening as one of their own has begun to display signs of flagrant homosexuality. Keegan Valaika was seen this morning talking with a strong lisp and bragging about the prior night's homoerotic adventures with a bartender referred to as "G-Dub".
Police then proceeded to apprehend Mr. Valaika after the suspect threatened to strike an officer with a rubber dildo. While being taken into custody, it was reported that the suspect made repeated attempts to "tap some ass" with several police officials, but no one was available to confirm these findings.
Mr. Valaika was released from the county jail late this evening after bail of $150,000 was
posted by the suspect's friend "G-Dub", who was later
stopped on the street for possession of a jet-black double-headed rubber dildo.