Dear Everyone: This is a letter for everyone to read. If you don't think it's to you it is. I'm sorry for being such a pissy little bitch. I'm sorry that you never come to me to cry because I'm always the one crying to you and it's always over nothing. I'm sorry that I hate my self so much that I'm so pathetic that you don't want to be around me. I'm sorry that there isn't anything to love about me. I'm sorry that you have to put up with me. Hell, if I were any of you, I'd shoot me and just get it over with. I'm sorry I always threaten suicide. Even though life seems to have no meaning for me and I'm always saying that it just makes sense to end it, I'm really not stoopid enough to shoot myself. The only way I'd shoot myself is if college is just as bad as highschool. The only reason I'm letting highschool get to me so bad is because I'm such a pathetic, worthless peice of shit and I take everything everyone does too seriously. I mean the main reason I'm pissed off most of the time is guys. And usually they don't even do anything to me. I'm just so pathetic that I think up stuff in my head that they're thinking or something and it makes me want to shoot myself. I know that no one really hates me, it's just that I hate myself so much I can't see why anyone wouldn't hate me. I mean look at me, I'm apologizing for being who I am. I may be a pathetic pissy little bitch but that's who I am. I want to change, believe me I do. If I could ask for anything for Christmas it would be the ability to change. And I feel so shitty because I can't even think of anything to say to my best friends when we're just walking in the hall or sitting there. I mean the only thing going through my head is how much my life sucks. And I know it doesn't suck nearly as much as other people's. I take everything I have for granted and I know it. It's just another thing that makes me hate myself, the fact that I can't even appreciate what I have. I'm just so pathetic and I don't even try to change myself. Someone will tell me to try to change but I just can't figure it out. Most of the time I think the only answer is to find someone else who actually loves me and isn't just fucking with me. I feel like I just need to find someone who can tell me what there is to love about me. But deep down I know that's not the answer. I know the only answer is to love myself first. I'm just too much of a worthless peice of shit to figure it out. And now that I realize this whole letter is just more of my pathetic complaining and that you're all prolly realizing what a worthless peice of shit I am. I mean, someone who wasn't as pathetic as me wouldn't sit there and wallow in depression and wait for someone else to do something. I just don't know what to do. And until I figure it out or find someone who actually loves me, I'm going to be like this. And it just makes me hate myself. Here's an example of how worthless I truly am: I woke up this morning and I was actually happy. I mean while I was lying in bed I actually had a smile on my face. And then I sat there thinking about how much I'd cried over the weekend and how I couldn't possibly be depressed if I woke up with a smile on my face. And then the hate kicked in because I'd cried so much to everyone and I'd ended up getting over it so easily. And then I got out of bed and looked in the mirror and realized how ugly I was and I was suddenly completely hating myself again. And I hate it because I really don't have anything to complain about. Everyone has the same fucking problems as I do, I'm just not as good at hiding it as other people. I don't know why I do this I just do. And I tell everyone about it because you know, sometimes talking actually helps. I think that if I did end up changing I'd just sink completely inside myself and never ask anyone for help. I guess that's what I should do because I can't rely on other people to help. I should just hold it all inside. Or I could just stop complaining about nothing and get on with my life. But how do you do that? For me to stop hating myself and everything around me, I'd have to stop thinking completely. I just sit around and think myself into depression over things that don't actually exist. I really just wanted everyone to read this for some reason but I don't know what that reason was. I guess deep down I just want pity. But please don't pity me. I mean why should you pity me? It's my own fault I'm like this. I shouldn't have even written this letter in the first place. I just wanted to tell everyone how sorry I am for always complaining and getting pissed off over absolutely nothing. Please don't give me pity. I'm fucked up and I have to deal with it and I'm apologizing for what I've been putting everyone else through.
