Mango's Perfect Guy
This is a list of the things Mango wants in her man. It got kinda long so I know that I can't possibly expect all of this from one guy but some of it's just common sense. Some of it's retarded and some of it's kinda spoken through the horny Mango. But anyways...I hope it doesn't seem to retarded to ask for the stuff I did but this is what I truly want in my man...
The Mango wants a man who...
- can prove to me that there is something to love about me.
- understands that I have a hell of a lot of PMS and it can strike anytime and anywhere.
- understands that I'm super paranoid that he doesn't like me.
- doesn't have nearly as much PMS as I do.
- remembers to call me.
- has never dated any of my close friends.
- doesn't talk about sex all the time.
- doesn't talk about the booty he could get if he wasn't with me.
- knows exactly where to put his hands.
- doesn't wait a month to kiss me.
- will hang out with just me sometimes.
- doesn't act like something he's not.
- isn't a completely different person when we're alone. I mean a little change is ok but not from Mr. Whore to Mr. Virgin.
- doesn't have to try to impress his friends when we're around them.
- can actually think of something to do when I ask him what he wants to do.
- doesn't mind taking the top when we're making out and laying on a couch/bed/floor/other place you might lay on.
- doesn't have gay music in his collection.
- has at least one Nirvana cd that he listens to regularly.
- calls me with out being told to and calls me when he is told to.
- isn't a flake.
- actually gives me a birthday present instead of pretty much standing me up on my birthday.
- doesn't throw the words "I love you" around like something you can say to anyone.
- understands that I'm super horny and sexually frustrated.
- knows at least some random Nirvana trivia.
- can serandade me.
- knows when I'm joking and when I'm being serious.
- has semi-kool friends who don't hate me and won't get him to break up with me.
- sends me test messages and doesn't have to pay outrages amounts of money for it either.
- doesn't share things I say to him with his friends.
- writes me emails that aren't full of a bunch of bull shit.
- doesn't say one thing and then completely contradict himself the next second.
- doesn't lie to me or make me feel like he's lying to me all the time.
- I can trust.
- saves some of the groping for when we're alone.
- has warm hands to counteract my frigidly cold hands.
- looks at other girls but can still assure me that he'd never think of anyone but me.
- isn't always hanging out with his friends.
- will streak/skinny dip with me if the perfect occasion ever arose.
- doesn't complain about blue balls. Give birth and then cry to me about all the pain you're in you pussy.
- can hang out with my friends without me having to worry about him cussing them out.
- doesn't sound happy when he has to get off the fone with me.
- will call me if I start to get pissed off at him online.
- has a beautiful smell that he leaves on everything including just rubbing off on my clothes so I can randomly smell my arm and think of him.
- understands that everything sexual is completely new to me and that I have no clue what I'm doing and that I need him to teach me.
- wouldn't even think of cheating on me.
