Fortunes From Fortune Cookies at Chinese Restaraunts

• "Things are not always what they seem." -- Well DUH. That woman over there is really a man and this cookie that looks really good tastes like a dried up piece of shit. Of course things are never what they seem. The man who shot himself didn't seem that sad. And that couple that broke up didn't seem to be having problems. Things aren't what they seem because nobody really tells you their feelings. You can never be sure if someone really likes you or is just lying to avoid conflict. You can never be too sure that everyone's not out to get you because someone's always there just to fuck with you.
• "Very little is needed to make a happy life." -- Unless of course you're super materialistic or you're seriously messed up in the head. Then you do need a lot to be happy. The materialistic ness is what is messing up the world. I mean, dictators don't really need all that power to be happy. If they stopped and took a look at themselves they'd realize that all they really need is a little love. That's all anyone really needs to be happy. But what happens when there is no love for you? That's where all the materialistic and crazy people come from. People that don't realize that people love them or haven't found someone that they truly love. And I'm talking about love like I know what it is. I don't. That's why I'm not living a very happy life. I guess I just have this magical veiw of love as something that can save me and everything else that's fucked up in this world. I guess I'm just a little insane.
• "You will soon be confronted with unlimited opportunities." -- Ok..so I looked up confront in the dictionary. "face in hostility or defiance" (there were more but this is the one that most people will think of when they hear "confronted) Hmmm..."confronted with unlimited opportunities" or in other words faced in hostility with unlimited opportunities. Personally, when I think of oppurtunities, especially unlimited ones, I don't think of hostility. This was just a major error in writing on the fortune writer's part. Dumbass.
• "You have natural grace and great consideration of others." -- First of all, I don't have either of those. Second of all, this isn't a fortune. This is some peice of paper telling me what I'm like and failing horribly in that attempt. I hate it when I get ones like this that tell me what personality characteristics I don't have instead of telling me what's not gonna happen in the near future. These ones should all be put in a big pile and burned. I'd like it.
• "He who is aware of his folly is wise." -- Once again, not a damn fortune. Once again, I got ripped off. And just so you know Mr. Fortune Maker, NOT EVERYONE IS A MAN YOU FUCKING SEXIST BASTARD!!!! Sorry, that just kinda came out. But being aware of your folly doesn't make you wise. It just means that you realize when you're being a dumbass. Most people with the intelligence of a block of wood or higher are aware of when they are being a super dumbass. If you don't know when you're being stoopid you should be shot.
• "You are an artistic person - let your colors show." -- This is of course not a fortune. It's more of advise that doesn't apply in any way to me. I'm not artistic. A monkey with a bat has more colors than I could ever imagine thinking of. This just makes me want to shoot myself because I really want to be artistic and this stoopid piece of paper makes me realize once again that I'm not at all. Thanks a lot.
• "You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble." -- FINALLY, AN ACTUAL FORTUNE!!! However much it doesn't apply to me it still says that something is gonna happen like a good fortune should. And in fact there is a possibility that this could actually happen to me. I mean, I have a few friends and sometimes they come to me for help. Well, no, they don't really. So although this may be a fortune, it's a pretty bogus fortune.
• "You will be involved in many humanitarian projects." -- A humanitarian is a person who seeks to promote human welfare. I ask you, does this really sound like me? This is may be a fortune but it's a shitty one that doesn't apply to me.
• "Be your own boss and resist the temptation to follow the leader." -- This is more of a command than a fortune. It's not telling me that I will be my own boss but that I should be. I don't want to be my own boss. I'd be completely lost. Following the leader is so much easier than putting forth the effort to be your own person. In the end I'll still end up being just like everyone else so I don't really see the point in putting in extra effort.
• "Soon, someone will make you very proud." -- I don't know what it is about this one but it just pisses me off. I mean it is a pretty good fortune. It's not telling me who I'm not or what I'm supposed to do. It's just telling me what may or may not happen. Maybe it's just that it doesn't say that I'll make myself or someone else proud. Yep, that's it. I'm the selfish bitch who wants to good herself. YAY!
• "You will be reunited with old friends." -- I think I'm getting bored with this because I really can't figure out anything about this one that pisses me off. It's a pretty good fortune. You have succeeded Mr. Fortune Maker. Congradulations.