Australia


Intro
Pros
A guide to the appeal of the country and some unmissable sights
Cons
You know...like Ned Kelly?
Practicalities
Helpful info
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Jetset in Oz 2003

Return to Oz 2004


Brisbane, Queensland

Australia is the wierdest country I have ever been to. It's so much like the UK, but it also has all this big MASSIVE bloody huge desert in most of it. Familiar yet disconcertingly different, like undressing your boyfriend only to find that he has had his body surgically remodelled on that of David Bowie.
It's a Frankenstein of a country, sewn together out of different cultures. In the cities, especially North and East, there is a strong Asian influence. In places it's very cosmopolitan and in others quite redneck...you take the bus out of the iconic citiscape of Sydney and wake up 15 hours later in a one-pump service station surrounded by termite hills with a single lonely ute in the forecourt.

Pros

Australia is a remarkable country. Think of the things that they have that no other country has.

The Great Barrier Reef. My favourite place in the whole wide world! You know the Sea Life Centre, where all you can see are brown eels and shopping trolleys from the North Sea, but you still go "ooooh!": it's better than that. The fish tanks you get in posh chinese restaurants with those electric blue ones: it's better than that. Blue Planet with David Attenborough: it's better than that, too.
It's the largest reef in the world, extending more than 2,000km up the east coast os Australia, parallel to Queensland. You can see this natural wonder from boats, by snorkeling or, my personal favourite, by scuba diving.

Freaky animals. Ever tried to create Dogbirds and Hamsterfish but ran out of thread? Now you can just go to Oz! They have a nice range of animals that were never meant to be. 6 foot rodents that bounce. Swimming rats with beaks. Bears with pockets. It's got 'em all. Only problem is, you can't laugh at them cos they might kill you.

Amazing environment. Huuuuge desert, lush green rainforest, iconic cities. The contrast that this country holds is amazing.

Cons

Most of the reasons I heard against going to Oz are based on the distance. Obviously this doesn't apply if you live in New Zealand, but I don't, so hear me out.

  • Price. Here at Jet Set Jessie, money is the biggest enemy. Flipping hundreds of pounds around with a carefree smile only looks good if you are J-Lo. Otherwise people tend to think you are mentally unstable. One option to pay for your Oz ticket is to sell your niece to a sweatshop, preferably one that makes Kuddly Koalas that you can later buy back at a discount price. But there are others. A fine option is to go the courier way.
  • Time. It's a long flight. There's nothing you can do about this. You will invariably have to spend 30 hours watching b2b Sandra Bullock films and hanging out in flight lounges. If you're lucky you might get strip searched at LAX: to improve your chances carry with you a stuffed dead cat.

    Practicalities

    schooner
    'skü-n&r
    :A larger than usual drinking glass.

    Not when your usual is a pint, mate!

    Language in Oz is mainly English.
    Currency is the Australian dollar.

    Jet Set