good luck Saturday
Fore!
good luck on your golf tournament Saturday

There is no greater agony

There

is

no

greater

agony

than

bearing

an untold

story

inside

you.

And the reason is you
You called me to you last night
like you have done so many times...
I sit next to you
you sense me there
you talk to soft and sweet to me
I see how beautiful you are
I breathe you in
inhale you
and there you go
entering every part of me
as you pull me to you
And the whole world
that is so large
and grand
and enormous
simply disappears
as I melt into your embrace
I am being held
so very, very close
by the one that
has taken up residence
in my soul
I'm there
with you
only you
I am home
my heart knows its place
its place is with you.
And the reason is you
April 19, 2004

I am
the scent of that
Inescapable sweetness
that tickles your sense of smell
in the middle of the day
and you catch a flash
of the memory
that you do not recall.

I am the velvety
whisps of moonlight
that shine in
through your window
in the late night hours
gently caressing your beautiful face

I am the longing
that lives deep inside of you
The longing that you live with
every day
but try to push down
Because ‘they’ say so

I am the sweet, sensual melody
that glides through the room
when you hear the music play
I am the fantasy
that lives inside of your soul
that you meet in your dreams
I am the star of your dreams
I am the one who comes to you
In the night
And unleashes

I am the passion
that you thought you would never experience
When you close your eyes,
I am who you see
And taste
And smell
And want
And wait for
And long for
When you close your eyes
Oh yes, I am there
I am the the one who adores you like no other

July 3, 2003-07-14

It’s hot outside.
I am wondering where you are now.
I can’t stop thinking about you
No matter how I try.

You pull me like the moon
Pulls the tide..
I miss you
Like the sun misses the night
I miss you
Like the moon misses the sun
They never see each other
The longing never ends
They need each other
To survive.

I hear your voice and
I hear a symphony playing
I see you from a distance-
Not close anymore-
And I catch a small glimpse
of the Masterpiece that you are.
Such a Masterpiece
Such a piece of fine art
Such beauty for the naked eye
Such a blessing for my soul
Such sweetness for my mind
To ponder on

When will I be near you again?
God, please make it soon.

I ache
For you
Deep
Seething
Wrenching
Pain
It is
Always
With me
Washing over
Me
With every
Thought
Of you
No one
Else
Could ever
Compare
There is
No thought
of another
How could
There be?
When
Every
Waking moment
Is
Embalmed
With the
Thought
Of you.

Bad dream about you June 26, 2003
I just had the scariest most awful dream about you. I woke up scared, frightened and my heart was racing wildly. I still have not calmed down.
You were lost and we could not find you. We were together again in the back of a car that seemed like yours going to a big store in a town far away-either Muncie or Indy-it was so good being with you again. We were close, sitting as close as we could in the backseat (of that red ragtop). I was in heaven being with you and seeing you smile at me again. God I miss you…we lost you at one of the stores. My mom was with us. There were people everywhere just like in Chicago. I was freaking out in the crowd. We all separated and were supposed to meet at the car or entrance or somewhere-no one knew where exactly. That was the problem.
You were lost and I was going through the store trying desperately to find you, looking for your red jacket. After we couldn’t find you we were at another store. I was trying to call you I didn’t care if kris was there or not then you answered and I could barely hear you. Your voice was so low I said your name and then asked you how you got home?!!! You said your mom picked you up. Your dad seemed to be with us too. I exclaimed how frantic I had been and how worried I was !!! Beside myself, scared to death! Thinking I had lost you before I even got you back in my life! Then I got mad and said ‘ok thanks, bye’ and you wouldn’t let me hang up, just like you always did. Or how you wouldn’t let me go if I was going to leave…
It is killing me.
So we talked all the way home. Thank God you were ok and safe.

I wonder if you know how much.
I’d walk 1000 miles just to see you again.
THIS IS TOO PAINFUL
IT IS KILLING ME
If I have to let you go then I will. Only God knows.

To the depths of my heart
How it breaks
From needing you
You erased my broken heart last year.
You said ‘there-I fixed your broken heart.’ If only you knew how true that could be.
Unbroken

I can feel it in the air I breathe
I can see it, but no one else can
i fight for a way for them to surface
they swim
violently thrashing
in my instablity


I dreamed about him, like I always do
always with the distraction that I am wanting to not be there
but its always there.
Maybe it will always be there
and I won't be
that is what I am waiting on.

I feel him
like the blood that pulses through my veins
I feel what he feels
I feel what he felt
Our worlds collide
as much as I want to take him away from all of that pain, I cannot
I want to love him
I want to lavish him with what is in my heart
ever since the first moment
it has only grown since then
he insists he is not worthy



The longing for you, the incessant need to be near you,

Surge

Gravity defied

unyielding

unrelentless

moments of weakness turn into moments of elation

I’m like a moth to your flame
There is no other place on earth
I would rather be
Than there
With you
In the dark
In the moonlight
In the midnight hour
Hearts racing
Pulses pounding
Gasping for air
Tangled up in your dream.

to my fallen snow angel (Winter 2003)
I can't believe it's come to this
Two broken hearts, one goodbye kiss
Is this all that's left of me and you
You seem to take it all in stride
While I'm crumbling inside
Letting go is hard for me to do
But if all my love is easy to refuse
Then I guess you just don't have as much to lose

'Cause I'm losing everything that ever meant anything
How can all of our yesterdays mean nothing to you
If all my love's so easy to refuse
Then I guess you just don't have as much to lose

If all my love's so easy to refuse
Then I guess you just don't have as much to lose

A prayer for you
A Praying Friend…

Lord,
I pray for Your protection on my dear friend's mind. Shield him from the lies of the enemy every waking and sleeping hour of his days and nights. Help him to clearly discern between Your voice and any other, and show him how to take every thought captive as You have instructed us to do. May he thirst for Your word and hunger for Your truth so that he can recognize and overcome hurtful thinking. Give him strength to resist [lying] thoughts which he cannot control. Remind him that he has the mind of Christ, although it may be wounded. Where the enemy’s lies have already invaded his thoughts, I push them back by inviting the power of the Holy Spirit to cleanse his mind. Lord You have given me authority “over all the power of the enemy” (Luke 10:29). By that authority given to me in Jesus Christ, I command all lying spirits away from his mind. I proclaim that God has given him a sound mind. May he not entertain confusion, but live in clarity. May he not be tormented with impure evil, negative, or sinful thoughts, but be transformed by the renewing of his mind, that he may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God (Romans 12:2).
Enable him to “be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might” (Ephesians 6:20). Help him to be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let his requests be made known to You; and may Your peace, which surpasses all understanding, guard his heart and mind through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6,7). And finally, whatever things are true, noble , just, pure, lovely, of good report, having virtue, or anything praiseworthy, let him think on those things (Philippians 4:8

Passing Into Light by Sharon Ewell Foster
This is the last page to the readers of this most amazing and life changing book:

"Dear Readers,
Here is the ending, the completion of Shirley's story that I promised you. Many times the most difficult journey we face is the journey back home-either of self-exploration or the journey to the place of unfinished business. When we have changed and been blessed, it’s often easier to walk forward in our new lives and leave the old rubbish behind. We struggle as we wonder how those who knew us then will accept us now.
We wonder if the people or the old situations will be the same. We don’t want to go back, and there are plenty of logical reasons not to go there.
It may be that some people don’t have to go back, but if these words are tugging at your heart, then you possibly have such a journey before you. There are old friends, family, lifestyles, or even old enemies that need to see the new you.
Others of your have been afraid to change, to be all that your spirit longs to be, because you are afraid of what people or what your past will say. We have become satisfied with enduring, we’re afraid to hope for anything more. We’re afraid to hope for joy.
Fear not.
I want to encourage you to embrace the journey ahead of you. Don’t let unfinished business defeat you. Be assured that God has a good plan for you. The journey that awaits you is part of that good plan. Don’t waste your time or energy imagining the worse. What lies ahead may look impossible, but God loves you. You may be from a hopeless place or a downtrodden past. Know that He loves you and He only has good plans for you—“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV).
What God has planned for you is more than you could ever think or imagine. I am not simply sharing scripture with you. I’m sharing what I know, what I have experienced. Surrendering to God’s plan has changed my life in ways I never could have imagined. I have joy and blessings I didn’t even know to ask for, and not because I am perfect with a spotless past, but because God is good and merciful and He takes pleasure in restoring those of us who are lost and broken.
Step boldly into what God has for you. While you step, breathe in joy. In fact, hold your head up and sing a song. Expect the best. God is the God of the whole universe and He is determined to give you the best life you will allow. No matter how long it takes, no matter how many angels He has to dispatch, God is determined to give you a happy ending. Don’t expect anything less."
(end of quote)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This has changed my life in ways that I cannot even begin to describe. Reading this book has been life altering for me. These words that she placed at the end of the book were words whispered to me by God himself, revealing and unraveling a great mystery to me. A longing fulfilled that I have prayed for...my very own journey awaits. Joy waits for me. Not just 'everyone else.' Not just fictional characters in a book. Not just people with 'better luck'. Not just people that are not doomed to fail, which has been my poisonous way of thinking for so many years.
Goodbye lifelessness.
Goodbye loveless marriage.
Goodbye old poisonous thoughts.
Goodbye clutches of my past that I have been holding onto.
I am wonderfully and beautifully made.
Hello light.
Goodbye shadows. My shadows. I scream at the demons lurking in them to release me in the mighty name of Jesus, my everything. And He is. He has sent in an army of Angels to surround me and lead me into the light. My very own light. Made just for me.

Never ever doubt that God is still the God of miracles.

Laura Lynn