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Your Daily Moment of Zen

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles beings with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don't be irreplacable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

7. Always remember you are unique. Just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

10. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple car payments.

11. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, he will sit on a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someon $20 and you never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

15. If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

16. Some days you are the bug. Some days you are the windshield.

17. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

18. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

19. Duct tape is like "the force." It has a light side, a dark side, and it hold the universe together.

20. There are 2 theories to arguing with women. Neither one of them works.

21. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

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