December Never Came

I heard the news today,
they say you’ve left me behind.
I just can’t believe that I missed the sign.
I heard the news today,
then crumbled as I cried out your name.
I asked myself over why you said you would but never came.
I heard the news today,
then I walked through my life in a daze.
I wondered how you could give in to this phase.
I heard the news today,
they say you couldn’t bare the shame.
It made me search but I noticed December never came.

Four months have passed,
the horror is still not real.
I look back upon the day they buried you knowing I am not healed.
Four months have passed,
I still wish I had stayed at your side.
I still ask myself why you left me behind.
Four months have passed,
I question if you watched my shame.
I still crumple to the floor crying out your name.
Four months have passed,
I wish you where here when I had this pain.
I still cry myself to sleep at night telling myself December never came.

It’s been eight months now,
the time has healed my heart.
I listen to a song wondering if you seen my life fall apart.
It’s been eight months now,
I still have yet to forget.
In regards to you I still have so much to regret.
It’s been eight months now,
I still cry when I think of you.
I wonder where I failed you when you where like me and this I knew.
It’s been eight months now,
I hold your memory but it’s not the same.
I try to not cry in the day while telling myself December never came.

A year has now passed,
I still have your pictures saved.
I still wonder what happened when so much you gave.
A year has now passed,
your anniversary draws ever near.
I still have your memorial on my car visor to see clear.
A year has now passed,
each day I wonder why you left me here.
I still talk to you when no one can hear.
A year has now passed,
as I curse God’s name.
I cry when I think of you and pretend December never came.

More then a year has gone,
I finally am able to smile.
I wonder if you saw my life of trial.
More then a year has gone,
I am stronger this I vow.
I wonder if you seen me fight for my life I have now.
More then a year has gone,
he tried to take my little girl.
I wonder if you knew how sick I was after I lost my whole world.
More then a year has gone,
even though I lived I’m maimed.
Though I still wonder why December never came.

---

Dedicated to the memory of

Michael Wayne Dabb

Born March 22, 1973

Died: December 14, 2003

You are missed so much!

---

Angel

by Sara McClaughlan

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

 

I Can't Put This Away

It seems like yesterday
I heard you say my name
A whisper on the wind
A caress of my dark hair
Sadly I could only smile
At your haunting memory
What else can I do?

I now beg my friends
All these people so dear to me
To confide in my heart
So broken when you took your life
I speak a little softer now
Loving is a little harder now
But I can’t put this away.

While I hope you found rest
Every day memories remain
Each smile or word you gave
And this might be selfish of me
Or morbid to the thought
The hardest to forget now
Is seeing you laying for all to see.

Losing you my dear friend
At first left a festering wound
But now only a scar remains
Even after all these years
Since I buried you in the ground
Then walked away wondering
What I could do?

On December 14th, 2003 I lost one of my best friends when he took his own life.

He left behind a little boy who will never have his father now. He left behind so many people that understood what he was going through, who understood his pain. I only wish I could've reached out to him better and let him understand he wasn't alone.

If you are thinking about suicide or know someone who is thinking about suicide, I beg that you seek help. I will forever miss my dear friend and noone should have to live the rest of their lives wondering "Why?...."

Site created by M. S.

All Material © to Maria Simmons 1990-2005