B.L.A.S.T. Teen Camp.


Man, do I have a lot to say.

Yes, I do.

I should just end the post there and let you all wonder.

I'm kind of nervous about blogging now. I passed out smudged, penned business cards at the camp, to new friends, with my email and this address on it. Therefore many new people will be visiting and reading this as their very first introduction. Better be good. I'm blushing.
First of all, I promise not to say that it was a blast. It's simply not funny anymore. I don't know if it ever was funny. So read on in perfect knowledge that you are safe from being blindsided by corniness.
I'd like to let you know that my Home is the best. After a week of being away they are caring enough to give us tomorrow off. Don't you wish you were here?

I should probably go through the camp starting at day one, and work through one day at a time. Know that there is a lot more that I am NOT going to tell you, than what I AM.

Man, I just don't want to get started! I keep thinking of each one of you and I want to tailor this exactly to you. How about if I just spend a few more pages introducing?
You know what, forget it. OUT of my head immediately. I am going to write what I want.

Juliet was the first to buy our album debut. Isn't that adorable? She said she was our biggest fan. SECURITY confiscated it when she got inside (they confiscated all CDs), and threw it out. I felt sorry for her. Oh well.
Not really. They gave it back to her after the camp. She is probably listening to it right now.
Tons of old friends. Writhing masses of people, the usual. Besides that, I don't remember the first day much. First days, who cares about them really?

You know, I don't remember the second day either.

The third day... well, I scratched my arm! More about that later.

Fourth day. I don't know, dance night? Can't tell you about THAT.

Well, then we did the Cervantino and came Home.

It was a blast. You missed out.

Tell you some more tomorrow!

Joe.

Demo-Maniac.

We went to pick up some provisioning today. The contact had been having some troubles, diabetes, etc. He had decided to make a change in his wine, dine, 69-ing lifestyle, and was telling us all about it.

On 69-ing:
Do you know how frustrating it is when the man is pouring out to you how he can't really help it, and anyway his lover's husband never gives her sex, they live basically separate lives, and she's super in need. Do you know? And he's like, I just want to help her... but I know it's a sin.
And all you want to say to him is, Well, there's this Law...
But you know he's not ready for it yet.

On wining:
Anyway, that was the 69-ing part. We got to help him out with the wine thing. I look over and Phin is going into this detailed, intricate explanation of Bacchus and how to get rid of him. Good stuff. A spiritual hierarchy and who fights who, etc. Enough new wine to convince me that compromise is not welcome here.

So how about that. I also have some latest updates on the album, which I am burning as we speak (please, no "you are typing, not speaking" jokes, I am sick of making those).
The name will be Demo-Maniac, and it will have 15 tracks, making it 67 minutes long (we actually have 19 songs total, but some were intolerable) We are autographing the CDs as they pop out, so you can look forward to our priceless scribblings as an extra remuneration for your small contribution to the greater good. 25 pesos. (WE are the greater good).
There are two completely new tracks, and two completely remastered ones, that have never been released before. Making four songs you have never experienced. The rest have been released sporadically, as singles, in different times and locations, so this kind of consolidates our organizational deliquency, and makes us feel better.

Plus it's funny as heck.

Can you see us, hunched over multi-coloured CDs, signing our names in ink and pretending to be the rage? It's great. We even did a photoshoot!
Which I will post for you here, if I can.

Ah yes, multi-coloured CDs--the album, Demo-Maniac, will be available in four different modes, Power, Emotion, Passion, and Plain. Therefore you will be able to exhibit your originality and sense of taste, while purchasing some great music, and contributing to a charity at the same time. Who wouldn't want to?
I must mention there will only be limited copies available, we couldn't possibly have made enough for the 150 teens and 80 some staff attending, who will each of course want their personal copy. So they will run out fast.
So my suggestion is find either me or Benji as soon as you can after arriving. We will try to be obnoxiously easy to approach.

Oh, this is funny. I'm dead joking, but I'm dead serious too. Imagine the balancing act this is mandating. AND it's late at night.

Weeeell, I guess I'll see some of you the day after tomorrow. The rest of you, I still love. Have a great night, thing.

Joe.

I Have Two Words To Say To You.


These ones:

Make steam!!!

A New Line.


You know how bloggers have this tradition to start a new line and a new paragraph every time they're about to make a joke? Waste of space, I think.

Anyway, about my day.
Ben was "roof diving" at the FED meeting over at the Home today. Coincidentally, he also sprained his wrist at the same event.
This means that we might not be able to perform at the teen camp.

Like we were going to anyway.

I mean, yes, of course we were.

The good news is, we had an audition at the Santo Cachorro (bestest, hugest restaurant in the city) tonight, which we weren't looking forward to.

(low self-esteem)

And now we have an excuse to postpone it! Goodie! So I called the manager, he said no problem, as soon as he's better. So everything works out for good in the end.

So back to Ben. Apparently Kenji leapt off the roof, and Ben in close pursuit caught his pants on something, causing him to sail downwards headfirst towards the tiles.

Not advisable, when a FED meeting is going on downstairs.

Imagine all those aunties in the livingroom praying and stuff.

And then a Ben, flying past outside.

Lands with a thud.

And a high pitched scream.

Wish I'd been there.

No, seriously, it's not too bad. He's a big boy, he'll survive.

Bad thing is, now we have to dress him. Well Cheri dresses him. Teresa does his belt buckle. I just tie his shoes. I get off easy.

It's funny watching him try to do stuff.

Wish you were here.

Every time you poke his arm, he makes a little squealing sound. Never get enough of that. --Even in his SLEEP! Someday I'll record it for you and post it.

You can't wait.

Much love.

Joe.

Album Release Confirmed.


I upgraded my equipment today.
Put brand new rubberbands on my headphones, to hold them together. Man, you should see these things! They hold together like never before. Got the rubberbands fresh out of John's balloon kit, almost brand new. Yippee.

Oh yeah, I just wanted to mention that it is confirmed now, Amaranthine and Ben Dover will be releasing their first joint album on October the second, 2005. Autographed copies will be on sale first at the teen camp in Cuernavaca, for the giveaway price of 25 pesos! Come prepared folks, and tell your friends.
This album (name unknown so far) will contain upgraded versions of all the old favourites you've come to know and love, as well as some brand new songs you've never heard before! We have top producers from around the globe (who wish to remain anonymous) working around the clock to meet our rush deadlines and mix these songs right, the way you like them. This is top quality stuff folks, that you DON'T want to miss.
NO pirated copies will be going out EVER (except maybe to my mom), so if you miss this chance, you may regret it for the rest of your life. You will not find these songs on Audiolinkup. Cheaters. Nice try.
So tell your friends.

Joe.

Malchus.


I don't know how many people are really into reading up on others' visa trip accounts. I think it should something we should all just be content to sweep under the table, like a taboo.
Therefore I shall merely hit the highs.
I would say a definite high was this one. Morning came and we turned in our Mexico car visa at the office, and rolled into the States. Praying that they wouldn't find the Bibles smoothly hidden under the first layer of clothing, we crossed the United States border. We bribed the customs official with a bag of Mexican apples that he'd had his eyes set on taking anyway. Apparently you can't bring fruit into the States. He promised to throw them away for us, but we knew he just wanted them to eat later. No matter, we had another bag of apples in the cooler which we cleverly smuggled past him. Sucker.
Spent the day in Harlingen, Texas picking up mail, Mountain Dew, and peanut butter and making a point of not visiting any Homes in the area. See, the Harlingen Home is where April lives, and we might have lost Benji. Imagine, we were this close to the ex-love of his life!
Got back to Mexico, and popped back in the office for our visas. Everything went fine until one of the visa guys strolled up and said, Hey didn't I see you in here this morning, turning in a car visa?

Who us?

They can only give you visas six months out of the year, so we were refused. Anyway, never mind, we decided to just sleep up here on the border in a cardboard box for a few months. Pray against rain.
Not really.
We asked the Lord and He was clever. He said to drive down to another crossing about half an hour away. Which we did. A primitive place, no computers, no technology. Which was, of course, perfectly fine with us.
Arrived there at about half an hour to midnight. Took a few hours to fill out the forms with their lone, one-fingered touch typist, and then we were gratefully on our way.
We arrived at the Rescate Home, our pre-arranged stopping place for the night, at say two in the morning. Locked up and dark. Luckily, Benji knew the combination to their locks and we successfully broke in to the house. Imagine their surprise when they woke up the next morning! Ha!
Not really.
We had only partially broken in and were banging violently on their front doors in a predawn-raid manner, when it was opened for us by teen Maria. Story was, it was their WNR night, which is why they had been up watching a movie, which is why we did not spend that night in sleeping bags on their driveway. Good for them. Movie was Hidalgo, with Viggo someone. Interesting point is it turns out that the director's name for that movie is actually Joe Johnston. Look it up yourself. A good name, lucky him.
We made the trip Home the next day, surviving on stolen cheese and granola bars. I actually composed a song in the car on the way back. This is remarkable because, have you ever tried to COMPOSE a SONG to the background din of a coffee-replacing, driver-keeping-awake CD blaring, two car-ophobic kids, and... Teresa?
Teresa being the loudest, most dangerous of all. Writhing kids, hard rock music, no problem, I can block that out. But when it comes to Teresa's shrill, nightmare-inducing, middle-of-sentence, for-no-reason-at-all screams at the very top of her lungs, there is no remedy. Listen to this:
So, bunny, we were going shopping at the mall and AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RRRRROOAR!! GRRRRRRRRR!!!! SMMMAAAAAAARRRGGG!!!! OHHH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD!!! And there was this shop that had....
See. You try writing a song while reading that sentence over and over and over.
So, I'll post you the demo soon. As soon as I can get it recorded.
Um, but if you're interested, I survived, and today is a normal workday, so I'd better get downstairs and work normally, so no one notices the truth, that I am really deaf and shell-shocked. My ears will be required at Teresa's hands in Heaven.

Joe.

PS
Me and Ben are thinking of making an album, throwing in some bonus tracks, and then selling autographed copies at the camp! Ha! Super funny! I think it's a hilariously good idea. What do you think?

Insert Clever Title Here---


Home again! After a nerve-wrackingly wonderful trip, lathered with peanut butter, smuggled apples, and Teresa's bone-shattering squeals, a good night of rest is what I need!
I shall tell you more tomorrow.

Joe.

Mastercard.

Aaaggghhh!! Visa trip!!!!! Does anyone else hate these?
Okay, here's the latest update. I WAS going to tell you all about the super fun we had rollerblading, but due to me being in the back of a cluttered minivan for the past two days, Mr. Kenji beat me to it. Read about it at thehollowblah.info
Anyway, today, on the visa trip, we passed the place that I spent the night at in the parking lot with the Paones, last trip up. Even stopped in, sat at the same table we ate raw eggs together for breakfast at. Just for memories sake. This was before I had a blog, why you've never heard about it.
Also they made me swear to never tell anyone. Small detail. See, it would ruin their great Paone reputation. Well I won't actually TELL anyone (that's what blogs are for!!), if you won't.
Anyway, great fun this time around. Not that I didn't have great fun with them too. I did. One of the best trips I've ever made. I am referring to my previous pauper life in a former Home, when I didn't have fun. Some of these rest stops I can remember spending Christmas at.
Christmas!
Waking up shivering in the backseat of a car, wishing my partners a Merry Christmas, then getting up and hitting fellow travellers with CDs till one in the night.
In fact, we would continue to sell our Christmas CDs till like the middle of January there. Funny thing. It began to get embarrassing by like the beginning of March, so we changed to calendars.
Flicked those places off as we passed them this time. (The modern way of shaking dust off your feet.) See, they rejected us a number of times.
Anyway, we cross the border today. Pray for us. And if any border officials are reading this: let us through!!!

Joe.

Polkadot.

I know, I owe you. I'm leaving on a visa trip tomorrow, and I may never come down again. Figuratively speaking of course, I'm coming down again. It's just that I hate visa trips. Hate visiting the Whore. Bite me.
Um right. See, I am passionate about some things!
We were out in the park yesterday, practicing flips, and this lady comes over to me. She needed help. She'd just come back from the vet, her doggie was anasthetized and she needed help carrying him in. I was happy to help. I am a happy helper.
Of course, I was barefoot--you can't get maximum acrobatic performance with shoes on--but she didn't mind, so we walked across the street to her car. I asked what race the dog was, and she mumbled something I didn't understand, and asked where I lived. All too happy to witness, I started reeling her in.
Anyway, we got to her car and she opened the door. Now, I bet you each can guess what race the dog was. Stop for a minute and think.


It was a Doberman Pinscher. Of course. Full size. On drugs.
Now, have any of you ever carried a full sized Doberman Pinscher, on drugs, up four stories of steps? No, you haven't.
I have.
That thing was a poky, stinky, growly mess. Plus the lady is asking me these deep questions all the way up, which I had to answer in a spirit-filled, smiling manner.
She very comfortingly reassured me that it was the friendliest thing in the world. Yeah, to you maybe. It's name was Polkadot. Why would you name a killer beast Polkadot? It didn't even have polkadots.
So I carried it up, answered her questions breathlessly, and set it down in its bed. It had a bed. Nuts. It tried to get up. Now that was funny. It was like a four-legged drunk, staggering right and left, dragging dead hindlegs... behind (just where hindlegs should be).
So she was ever grateful, but I smelled like Polkadot. Of course, now we have a new sheep. Guess that would make it worth it. Catch you later!!

Joe

Us Here.
The name of our new track.
Right?
I know.
Silly name. My suggestion was, Quite A While, but who listens to me?
Anyway, this basically has nothing to do with me. I am just a humble tool. That's why it's going to sound good.
Benji wrote the lyrics and music, we performed a demo and sent it to Kev. He sent back the track, we put vocals, did the final mix, and here it is.
Kevin, I need to know your full name so I can give full credit to you.
By the way, this song is among the seven or eight we are practicing, for live performances on a dime. In case we are ever in such a position to perform, we shall be ready.

Joe.

PS.
Here is the link:
Us Here.