About 6 months after Tracy died and I was still an emotional basket case, not on any meds at the time or anything. We live about 6 miles UP Coker Creek Mountain. Well, I was heading down the mountain and it is pretty steep and the hwy is cut into the side of the mountain and follows all of its curves. As you're going down, there are some areas on the left side that just go off into the wild blue yonder. I was driving along and seriously started wondering IF I just let my truck head over the edge would I surely die in the crash. Right at that thoughtful moment it felt like someone stomped on my right big toe with a high heel shoe. I yelled, the pain was so sharp. Needless to say it took my mind off of the topic I was focusing on. To this day I believe that Tracy did that. I can just hear her "Sonya Kaye!!! You better not EVEN think of doing that!!!!!!! I'm gonna tell Mama!!!!" I have never had another thought of suicide since.
Then.....about 4 months later in Oct 2001, I had been feeling my regular depression, anxiety, flash backs, etc and was really wiped out. Could barely get out of bed and function. Anyway.....about 2 pm I decided to take a shower. I was just about finished when I heard something in the living room. The TV and stereo were both off. No neighbors close by or anything. I turned the shower off and quietly opened the shower doors and heard talking and then I heard Tracy laugh, and there is no mistaking her laugh. When she laughed EVERYONE laughed with her. I believe that she was letting me know that she was FINE and HAPPY and for me to go on with my life and stop being so miserable for her and for me. It was a turning point. I really started to believe at that time that she WAS in a better place. Before then all I could focus on was MY PAIN.
I don't know if God allows such things to happen or if it is just our minds that NEED a sign so badly that it comes..........whether for real or from inside our own tormented minds. But......my sister reached out and touched and soothed my weary mind. She may not have been aware of why SHE needed to enter my space and talk and laugh because I don't think God's children in heaven know of the misery here on earth. But she must have felt a need to do it and did. I must have a purpose here on this earth if she would come and intervene when I was deciding that there was nothing to live for.
Sonya Harmon Ashe