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The Toilet Seat Incident

I just got yelled at for leaving the toilet seat up? What up with that huh? I was just in the middle of an apology when old fatty realized- I need it up as much as she needs it down, why don't I start complaining about the seat being down. Better yet why don't I just piss all over the seat every time I find it down?

I heard this excuse from Mrs. Tubby as to why the seat must be left down. She started with," You just don't know what it is like to sit down in the dark late at night and fall in the toilet and darn near not be able to get out." WHAT!!!!! I get up in the middle of the night to take a crap and I can tell you one thing for sure. I TURN THE LIGHT ON and make sure the seat is down! Plus, why are all these women peeing in the dark anyway? Then again how swell is it to be able to pee in the dark?

When a man tries to pee in the dark he listens to the splash and determines what direction to move to keep the stream in the middle of the toilet. Hmmm seems that no matter which way you move it doesn't stay in the middle and you still end up pissing on the floor. The more you correct, the more you miss. One night while trying to pee in the dark, I thought the splash sounded strange almost metallic. Suspicious of the sound I cut my pee short, turned on the light, only to find out I had been peeing in the wastebasket. Oh well no harm no foul, they do call it a wastebasket.

Hey, have you ever looked under the edge of a toilet seat, wowee zowie, what are all those spots and stains from, no matter how you try you still have to put your hand under that edge to lift the seat. Now you understand why women want us to handle it, that's another reason to leave it up.

I am not even going to get into those fuzzy things on the tank and lid, no-sireeeee. Once when I was a young man I asked what they were and was told it was a "Bath- Set", yea that's what she said, a bath set. Wrong again, it is most certainly not a bath set! One time after my bath and discovering we were out of towels I tried to dry myself with these items and let me tell you they just don't dry you properly. Even overlooking that they smelled like piss, they tend to leave you still wet and covered with a worm like lint from head to toe.

Ok, from this day on I am going to stand up to Mrs. Tubby and say you are a setter I am a pointer, leave the damn seat up or suffer my wrath. Uhhhh - well actually I want to say that, and I might someday day say that, but right now I have to go make sure the seat is down and that fuzzy thing is tied on properly after my bath. Tally-Ho from Tubby.