First Love

What is wrong with me I thought, I don’t feel right and I Tubby Nevada have lost my appetite. Am I dying, is it polio- polio was still in our minds in those days even though no one caught it anymore. I must have cancer, a heart condition yep I must be sick. The truth be known, Tubby was in love and I had it bad.

She was a sweet young thing and at first I thought ah a new girl, but soon it was ah guys did you see that new girl and then I can’t keep my eyes off the new girl. Hmmmm what to do, Tubby was, well by my name you can see not a real hit with the young ladies and had never really had a girl friend, but this siren was calling and I was going to throw caution to wind and step up to the plate. Now never being up to bat before I wasn’t sure what it would entail, but I, Tubby Nevada was going into the game.

I had a major problem right off the bat. From staking out her house I see that she is already dating a guy, a guy about four years older than the Tubster and with a car. I didn’t have a car, nor was I old enough to get a license but I wasn’t going to let that hold me back, besides she lived a short 950 feet away in the house across from the end of our wooded driveway. He on the other hand, had to drive to see her, yesireee a plus in the Tubby side of the column for sure. I figured as long as I kept my bicycle ditched and I did have friends that had cars, hey game on.

It started slow; I said hi and walked with her back from the school bus stop. Gee why was the walk so short I thought, then it became will this day never end so I can walk her home again and again and again. Soon we were talking for a few minutes before she went in and I went down the drive, then 15, 20, 30 minutes or longer. My mother would say, “Did you get detention again you are late getting home from school?” I heard her, but by that time I was starting to fall and all I was thinking about was this girl. I just said, “Ah, no, ah just was talking to the guys.” You can’t tell your mom you are hanging around with a girl, she is your mom, and all guys know when you fall in love the first time it is almost like cheating on her.

One afternoon while walking her home I made the move, yes Tubby was putting his arm around her and she let me, in fact she got even closer and it was like being drunk for the first time. The feel, the smell of her hair, wow my heart was a pounding. We stopped at the end of the drive, I thought for a chat and then she grabbed me and kissed me. Kissed, my gosh I always thought a kiss was like what I got from my mother or granny but this was swell! She pried my inexperienced mouth open and gave me a thorough mouth, tooth and throat exam with her tongue. It was wonderful, while trying to participate my mouth flapper just got in the way but at least I was trying. She stopped as quick as she started and said, “Got to run, I have a date tonight.”

A date? A date? I just stood at the end of the drive and watched her walk across the street; she stopped and said, “See you tomorrow lover!” Lover, date, what the hell, she took my heart, she broke my heart, she returned it, she called me a lover, and here I stand at the end of the road with a lump in my throat and ahhhh, well a lump in my pants. I had learned a lesson today, but Tubby was to darn dumb or in love to realize it. A broken heart was a bad thing and this girl could break mine at any minute and as often as she wanted, but when you are in love you sure don’t care about the future.

The rest of the school year went about the same, walk home and smooch, some days she would rush off for a date. It was killing Tubby but summer was near and I knew things would change. They had to, she had me standing at the end of the drive in the woods watching as she got into cars and drove off on dates. Yes she left the fat boy standing alone, so sad but by the next day all was well again. Hmmm love.

Well the summer was better and we went steady, I gave her a ring and it was swell as long as she was in sight. Seems she still dated and still broke my heart, but at least it was my girl that was breaking my heart, yep she was wearing my ring. Except when she went out with someone else then she left it at home, but things were actually pretty good and I was in love, love that lasted for the next two years.

I still remember the day we were smooching up a storm and she started crying, what up I asked. She said, “Oh Tubby I am going to miss you, poor Tubby I will miss you so much.” What are you talking about, was the question- no I really didn’t want the answer. Was she going on a trip for a week or so? Was she sick? Tell me quick so we can get back to the smooching stuff. She started slow then blurted out, “I am getting married in Idaho tomorrow night.”

I was standing at the end of my drive holding someone else’s bride to be, this was so strange, I just pushed her away and headed home. No talk, no why, no nothing, I was speechless. She had finally done it, I was done, heart sick, but done. No more us, no more her, the suffering was over and I never talked to her again.

She was my first at everything a young man fancies, and it is true that your first you never forget. I think of her often, I think about all I learned of life from this young lady and the time we spent together. Yes she often broke my heart, but hearts heal. I have a great life with Mrs. Tubby; things are swell in my world. But something that would make it even better would be if I could see her just one more time. I would hold her in my arms, looking deep into her eyes and remembering all the things we said and did as kids and I would say. “Eat shit bitch, I hate you more than a dose of the bull headed clap.”

Yes hearts heal; life goes on but grudges, yes grudges last a lifetime. Tally-Ho from Tubby.