Pressing On"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me-the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." Acts 20:24 |
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"It's always when you're trying to get somewhere that you can't get there fast enough." ~Beth Duggan What's going on?10/26/04 ~ Don't know if anybody still looks at this thing. If you do, you'll notice that I never update anymore. I've switched over to Xanga, because it's a lot easier for me to post, and I don't need anything fancy. Here's the new site: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=specialk_b
8/4/04 ~ "Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded." Jeremiah 31:16 "Him who overcomes I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will he leave it." Revelation 3:11 God never said that being a Christian would be easy. We are constantly being assaulted by the Enemy. Many times, Satan succeeds in tearing us down. He exploits our weaknesses. One of the major weaknesses that many people have is the concern for what others think of them. The question that I have found myself asking lately is this: "Am I letting other people's opinions affect what I should be doing for God?" I used to think that God called only certain people to witness to the people. I was lying to myself. God calls all of us to witness to others. So what if other people say mean things. Just who are we trying to impress, here? All I know is that it would be far worse to turn my back against God than to hear cutting words from others. Look what God tells us in these verses! If we do His will and do the things that He calls us to do, we will be rewarded in Heaven. We have no need to cry. The "sticks and stones" adage is not entirely true; words do hurt. I still have gaping wounds from what people have said to me in the past. God, however, will heal them, and strengthen me in the process. If we can overcome these horrible assaults from the Enemy, God will make us a pillar in His temple. How glorious would that be? Wake up, people! We do not have much time left. Please do not avoid God's will for the risk of getting hurt. Be weary of your actions. To borrow a line from a friend, we do not always have to walk up to a person and say, "Have you heard the Good News?" Your actions, your deeds, your words reveal what your heart worships. Do you want people to see that you worship your work, money, relationships, or fun? Or, would you rather show them that you can have all these things, and more, because you worship Jesus? That which we worship is revealed by our actions. We must reflect Jesus on every single person that we meet. We don't have eternity to tell people about God, but we will have eternity to rejoice with the ones who saw Jesus through us. Our time spent on this earth is the worst we will ever have it. For those who never come to know God, this is the best they'll ever get. Wouldn't you rather risk getting hurt in order to show somebody the best gift they'll ever get? Be ready to overcome. Be ready to be blessed by God.
7/4/04 ~ "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. 'Because he loves me,' says the Lord, 'I will rescue him' " Psalm 91:11-14 As I was talking to a friend last night, I realized that I am at peace with everything in my life. At the same time, I am being attacked nonstop. For the past few weeks, Satan has launched an all out assault on me. Sometimes, he gets to me, and puts me on the verge of a breakdown. Every single time, God has come through, rescuing me from my Enemy. I like the fact that God has commanded angels to protect us. This only works, however, if we rest in Him. When we try to do things on our own, we fail, and we get hurt. When we turn to God, He makes it all better...in time. This verse tells us that we can walk in this world, full of serpents and lions ready to strike and devour, and not get hurt. How many times have we wavered in our faith, just long enough to be hurt by the Enemy? It only takes a split second and we're gone...another victory for the Enemy. We have our own personal army; a group of angels guarding us 24/7. They never sleep, and they never need rest. They are always fighting on our behalf. This is not just make believe stuff...it is directly from God. We must rest in God in order for us to be protected. God never ceases to surprise me. He has been so faithful to me over the past year, and he continues to bless me in several different ways. He is constantly on my mind, and I have a hunger for Him and an unquenchable thirst for His Word. I am being fed through my friends down here, and God is constantly using them to challenge me to step up. I want to share my faith with people who don't know Him. I want to be a sponge, ready to soak up anything I can to learn about God. A group of us has been serving in a homeless mission for the past month. It is amazing to see these guys, who literally have only the clothes on their back, praising Jesus. It makes my heart overflow with joy to see the radiant look that only God can give on the faces of these men. Every time we serve, God shows us something new. It also gives us a chance to share our faith with people that we would otherwise never talk to. It makes me ashamed to say that, but it is the truth. However, it makes me more aware of the God given ability to love others, regardless of how they look or where they live. I wish I had the faith of these men. I can't say that I would be able to have enough faith in God if I were on the streets. God, however, knows this, so he put me where I would best serve His Kingdom. I just have to make sure that I do everything for the glory of our wonderful Lord.
6/23/04 ~ Well, June has been an interesting month thus far, especially the past week or so. Last Wednesday, a group of us went to serve dinner to the homeless. I think that it was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. We went to the mission expecting to witness to the people, not expecting them to minister to us. Some of these guys have only the clothes on their backs, but they are praising Jesus all the time. I met a handicapped man who broke out into a song about Jesus in the cafeteria. He said that he always has a song in his heart, for, if God was for him, nobody could be against him. Then, there was another guy that I met that was incredibly nice. He told me all about the program the mission has to help them get back on their feet. He showed me something that he wrote, and it was totally amazing. It was the first time he'd ever written an entire page, and he is dyslexic. The passage was all about how we are hungry for God, and the only way to satisfy that hunger is to come to Jesus.
5/31/04 ~ Well, it's only been a week and a half since I last wrote, but so much has happened that I don't know where to begin. First off, I had another accident prone attack. A couple of Fridays ago, I went to ladies' night with some of my friends. We got super dressed up and went out on the town. The guys also had their night. All week long they told us that they would 'get us.' Well, we wanted to hit them first, so we played the middle school card and toilet papered Jason's house (all the guys were there). They were leaving to get us and caught us in the act. So, we split and went to Amanda's, which is not too far away. Amanda, Taylor, and I decided that we would hang out and watch TV and see what the guys did. Amanda was the first to hear them, and she bolted out the front door. Taylor was next, and then me, except that I didn't make it out of the front door. As soon as I got on the tile in the entryway, a water balloon hit at my feet, causing me to slip and land on the floor. I blacked out for a second or two, and then I realized that my back was seriously hurting. I started screaming, thinking I broke my back. Amanda called the parents and 911. It was quite an ordeal. The paramedics put the neck collar on me and then strapped me to the board, so I couldn't move. They put me in the ambulance with a female paramedic who happened to be pregnant. She had morning sickness, and I thought she would get sick on me, but she jumped out of the ambulance and did it in the yard. When I got to the ER, I was feeling better, because the whole group prayed over me. I had to laugh at my situation, because it's something that would only happen to me. Had I known there would be water balloons, I would have stayed on the couch. In the end, I came out ok. I bruised some of my vertebrae and my pride took a major hit. I got to see God in it, and that made everything alright. By the next day, everybody knew about my injury, and was asking me about it. I'm glad God gave me a good sense of humor, because that's the best way for me to deal with situations like that. My birthday was awesome. The evening before, my mom and Dennis took me to the Cheesecake Factory (this was the day after the fall). I was really too sore to fully enjoy myself, but I had a great time anyway. Then, on the day of my birthday, I went to an awesome service at church, brunch with my grandparents and dad, and then to a birthday party that some friends put on for me. I ended up out at my mom's and just hung out for the rest of the day. My mom remarked that most people who turn 21 have a wild birthday, but I told her that I'm a little different, and I wasn't going to party about it. I also got a chance to explain to her my decision not to drink, which was another opportunity to show her how much God has changed me. This weekend, the HomeTeam had a retreat at my mom's place. We went out there yesterday and camped out last night. We had some great food, thanks to Jason and my mom. Jason grilled all the meat to perfection, and my mom made a lot of side dishes, as well as some cake and brownies. We all got to mess with the horses and go fishing. Jason and I had the bright idea to do a surprise attack on everybody and jump in the pond, and it was hilarious. We ran down the hill and jumped off the dock into the water. Tommy put it best when he saw us coming down the hill and then past him on the dock: "No, you're not. Yes, you are...yeah, you did." We then had an awesome message from Mike, and sat around the campfire roasting marshmallows and telling stories. The guys chased a skunk, but, luckily didn't get sprayed. We finally went to bed, and it was a perfect night for sleeping in a tent. This morning, we had breakfast, and I spoke about something God had been placing on my heart. Then, we packed up our stuff and headed back to the city. All in all, it was an awesome time of fellowship, and it was great to see some of the HomeTeamers out of their normal element. I had a blast, and I know a lot of other people did as well. Alright, that pretty much does it. It's been a long week or so, and I start summer classes tomorrow. I don't like being so far behind, so I'm doing what I can to get ahead. At the same time, God has me where he wants me, and I'm excited to see what He's about to do in my life. These next couple of months should be interesting.
5/19/04 ~ "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart..." Jeremiah 1:5 God gives us our purpose in life. When He called Jeremiah to be a prophet, Jeremiah protested, saying that he was too young and inexperienced. God replied by saying that he would make Jeremiah a "fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall" (v18). True to His word, He gave Jeremiah the strength and words to go against the entire nation of Judah. God made him a leader before he was even born. Although Jeremiah had a lot of highs and lows during his life, God was faithful to him, and never took away his leadership position. Right now, God is calling me to be a leader. I have started to apprentice under my HomeTeam leaders, Nate and Amanda. It is a good possibility that I will become a HT leader in the next few months. While I am fearful that the responsibilities of this position will be too much, I know that God is faithful to His children. I can sit and make excuses about not being a leader, but God makes it known that we have no excuses for following Him in Romans 1:20. I expect to be attacked while I am preparing for this position, but I know that God will take care of me. It's strange, however, because my passion for God has been lacking as of late. Amanda told me that I can't stop reading or having fellowship or going to church just because I don't feel like it. Any relationship in our lives requires devotion, obedience, and commitment. I must be obedient to God if I want to prevent a major time of darkness. I understand that we don't always feel that passion, but we can't just stop being a Christian just because of that. Our relationship with Christ takes work, and being a slacker causes major problems. I've slacked before, and I've crashed and burned. God rewards us for our obedience. It's not the only reason we should persevere, but it's nice to know that God understands that our flesh is weak, and He rewards us for toughing it out. There are also a lot of other things going on in my life. I'm forming a lot of awesome relationships, and my brothers and sisters are constantly challenging me to be a better Christian. A couple of weeks ago, Jason and I went to a Third Day concert, and it was an amazing worship service. At one point, the entire crowd was singing "Holy, Holy, Holy, You Are Holy" and there was no music at all. Jason and I couldn't imagine how awesome that must have sounded to God. Our HT has been also doing a lot of service projects. The pictures at the top are from our project in a guy named Shelby's house. We knocked down some walls, and destroyed a bathroom. It was awesome to see people serve for God. We also went to a Nursing Home and played BINGO with the folks there. I don't think I've ever had so much fun playing BINGO. Those ladies were awesome, and they let us pray with them. It was a unique opportunity to see how God works in other people's lives. God is working in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, and it is an awesome experience to see Him change people's lives every single day.
5/3/04 ~ Man, things are crazy in my life. This week is finals week, and I can't believe that the semester is already over. I'm glad, though, because I didn't really like my classes this semester. Also, God has really been working in my life in the past month. A few weeks ago, I quit my job at Ashley Furniture. When I quit, I didn't know what God was going to provide, but I knew He would take care of me. Sure enough, my mom got a lot of houses, and told me I could work for her until I start summer classes. It was truly a blessing from God. Also, God has really been speaking to me about what He wants for me right now. He took away some of my stumbling blocks, and has provided some awesome friends to challenge me and build me up. I was stupid and took advantage of God's blessings. For some crazy reason, I separated myself from God by not reading the Word every day, and not talking to God. At the beginning of last week, I saw myself sliding into the valley, and I didn't like it. Luckily, God sent two people my way who listened to me, and vowed to pray for me. By the end of the next day, I was feeling better, and I know it was because of their prayers. At the end of the week, I was going the right way. On Sunday, God lifted me up even more. I played football with the Home Team for three hours, and it was so much fun. For those of you who know of my clumsiness, I didn't even get hurt. Then, at Home Team, we talked about friendships, and what it takes to have good friendships. I was reminded of all the people God blessed me with in Missouri, and with the people he's been blessing me with in Texas. Then, Nate told us of his calling to go to San Diego, and how much he loves us. Nate is an awesome guy, and he has really challenged me to step up. Over the past few months, he has been like a brother to me, and I'm sad to see him go. I know what it is like to leave your comfort zone to follow God. I know that God will bless Nate in this endeavor, and I pray that he continues to be faithful to God's Will. Sunday night, I was called to visit someone who hasn't been to Home Team in a while. I drove around the city for 45 minutes before I found her house. When I showed up, she was so glad to see me, and we talked for a couple of hours. She told me of how she's been witnessing to her family, and how God blessed her with a job, even though she normally works during HT events. The visit really put my heart where it needed to be...with God, not on what's stressing me out. So many people out there have lives crazier than mine. As a Christ follower, I must take the initiative and talk to people about what is stressing them out, and then pray for them. That made the difference in my life last week, and I want to serve God, and others by doing the same thing.
4/9/04 ~ I was born into this world cursed by God. You were too. In Zechariah 5, God tells Zechariah that he has sent the curse out over the entire earth. From the moment I entered this world, I stood cursed and condemned by God. Then something amazing happened. I met Jesus, and learned that Jesus took on the curse for me, so that I may be declared righteous in God's eyes. Today is the day that we mourn the crucifixion of our wonderful Savior. Today is the day that he took on my curse and yours. Today, Jesus paid the price for our sins. Romans 6:23-24 says this: "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Jesus died so that we might live. Today is a day of mourning, as the Lamb was led to the slaughter. It is a horrible image. However, it was the start of the most amazing thing ever to happen. Jesus knew he had to die for our sins...he was the only One who could. True love is not found among people...it is found in Jesus. The one who knows us best died on this day, over 2000 years ago, and we still mourn. Yet, this Sunday, as we rejoice in the Resurrection, we take for granted that he saved us. We were cursed; God was prepared to banish us. There are still people out there who stand condemned by God. We must not be afraid to stand up to the people we love and speak the Truth. The harvest is ready; the time is here. People are more willing to hear about Jesus than they have been in a long time. Do you know anybody that is cursed? It would be a shame for them to never know that they it doesn't have to be that way. Jesus commanded us to make disciples of the nations. It is the least we can do for the One who saved our lives.
3/28/04 ~ It's been a while since I last wrote, and a lot has happened in the past month. One of the highlights of the month came when God blessed me with the opportunity to go up to Missouri for spring break. I was so excited that God brought together everything that I needed to go on this trip. I knew that he had a purpose for letting me go up there, and I asked him to prepare my heart. Before I left, I had some friends pray over me, and I knew that I was ready to do whatever he asked. I was sort of hesitant on what I felt like he wanted me to do, since it would involve some tough issues, but I was willing to be obedient to him. On the drive up, I had nine awesome hours of listening and talking to God. I thought that my purpose in going up was clear in that I was going to have some hard conversations with people. It was sort of selfish, but I knew that God was going to work through me...I wasn't prepared for how much he would bless me. A couple of hours after I got in, I realized that God had a different plan in mind for me. Instead of convicting my friends, God wanted me to be there for them. He wanted me to show my friends how much he loves them by being there for them when they needed me. I realized that he has changed my heart to one of love for others, not myself. I used to be the one to talk, but God changed me to one that listens. I think that very change was one of the clues that God has really changed me and aligned my heart with his. I realized this while I was in Missouri. One of the most amazing things that God showed me during that time was how much he has blessed me with my family up there. Yeah, I said family. God put these people in my life for a reason, and I treasure the friendships that he has blessed me with. I learned a lot about some of my friendships. There were some friendships that I completely underestimated. There were some people that I didn't realize I was so close to. I saw how much everybody had grown in God while I was away. I truly praise God for waking them from their slumber, and igniting in them a passion and thirst for him. I didn't expect God to change my views about my CoMo family, as well as all my other friendships. I praise him for changing me while I was in Missouri. When I think about it now, the things I remember the most from my trip are the talks, tears, and triumphs. I saw so many of my friends beat the enemy, and it was encouraging. Even now, one week later, I still rejoice in the fact that my brothers and sisters in Missouri are open to what God is doing in their lives, and are allowing him to accomplish great things through them. Praise be to God! Alas, all good things must come to an end, and I had to come back to my home state. One the way home, the enemy attacked me where it really hurt-my car. My fuel filter busted and released dirt and other things into my engine, causing my car to break down outside of Oklahoma City. God was with me, and I got it towed to a nearby Ford dealership without any problems. My mom drove up and we waited until they figured out what the problem was, and how long it would take to fix it. We decided to come back home, and I ended up going back to get my car last Tuesday. Last week, as I stepped up to be a leader for God, Satan attacked me even more. My trip to Missouri yielded some awesome results for God, and that was a threat to the enemy. This week, as our hometeam prepares to reach out into the community, and as I prepare to be a leader, he has attacked me from all sides. Too bad he can't get one important fact in his head. As long as we have God, WE WIN!!! Praise be to God forever and ever! Amen.
2/29/04 ~ "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we were healed." Isaiah 53:5 The Passion of the Christ starts out with this verse. It has been 24 hours since I've seen the movie, and I'm still pretty much speechless. Throughout the movie, I kept thinking, "That should have been me." He took on the full burden of all our sins, and gave us eternal life instead. Seeing this movie made Christ's death more real to me; there's a big difference in reading the accounts of it and seeing a depiction of it. Also, this movie is stirring up a lot of curiosity among nonbelievers. As Christians, we must be prepared to speak the Truth to anybody who asks us about Christ. I firmly believe that this movie would have been the equivalent of a biography on the History Channel if God didn't have His wonderful hand in it. We must not be ashamed to go out and say that we love Jesus. This movie just shows the world why we love him so much. God has also been changing my heart these past couple of weeks. It started with a couple of people asking me about serving in various ways. God really took that and made it his. Nate recommended that I read I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. He said that the lessons in that book could be applied to so many parts of our lives, and he was right. While I was reading the book, God kept making one thing totally clear to me. He kept telling me to drop all my worries about relationships, money, school, future plans, etc. Instead, God wants me to serve him with all of my heart. He's already provided me with opportunities to do this. I'm currently stepping up and serving in the Home Team, as the service project coordinator, and I'm going to stop making excuses and serve at the high school services on Wednesday nights. I'm excited about this, because I know that serving will bring me closer to God. While I feel like I've matured so much over the past few months, I know that I still have a ways to go in having a mature and deep relationship with him. There is nothing like knowing what God wants you to do. However, many of us only hear what God is telling us, rather than listening to him and taking his Will to heart and living it out. God will reward us for following him. Jesus lives in us, and he was the ultimate servant. Through him, we can do anything...we just have to stop making excuses and step up. On a closing note, I have to say that I can't remember the last time I was filled with this much joy. God is taking me and changing me in so many ways, and I am humbled that he is blessing me so. I feel that the season of suffering for me is over, for now. Rather, God has opened up a season of going deeper with him. I am truly unworthy of such blessing, and it really is humbling to know that he loves all of us this much. Praise be to the Father. Amen.
2/16/04 ~ What a week. I can't put into words how much God blessed me last week. It started with a conversation with Nate on Monday, where we talked about my serving in the Home Team. Through that, God really opened my eyes to the servant heart he has given me. All week long, I thought about ways our Home Team could serve the community, and God really brought a lot of ideas to mind. Then, I had another awesome conversation with another friend later in the week, and I really saw that God was blessing our friendship. Also, I had a bunch of tests last week, but God took away my stress. He helped me get through the week. My weekend was even better. Saturday, I woke up to 4 inches of snow. Yes, folks, it snowed like crazy down here. I knew that it was a gift from God, because he knew that I missed Missouri, and the snow up there. Anyway, I took some pictures to prove that it really happened. Anyway, I totally forgot it was Valentine's Day, until later on at work. When I went to church, the talk was about God's Unconditional Love. It was amazing. I think the neatest part was this: "For God so loVed the world thAt he gave his one and onLy Son, that whoEver believes iN him shall noT perIsh but have eterNal lifE. " This is one of the greatest verses in the Bible, John 3:16. We are God's valentine, and God should be ours. God loves us, no matter how many times we stumble or turn our backs on him. That is unconditional love. That is amazing love. We will never know anything else like it. Anyway, after church, a group of us tried to decide what to do. Tommy and I were planning on going to a friend's house to watch a movie, but the others were going to the SI event, Night at the Improv. They all left, and Tommy and I were indecisive. We changed our plans and decided to take a chance on the event. We got there late, and I went to find a seat while he waited in the food line. After searching for a long while, I finally found two chairs at a table with one of our friends. When I got back to the food line, Tommy said they just ran out of food. We made a quick decision to get our money back and leave before everybody else tried to. Tommy talked to the door attendant while I got the coats, and we got our money back and bolted. We ended up going with our original plans, and everything turned out to be fine. It turned out to be an awesome night. Last night, we had Home Team. I'm really starting to come into my own there, and I can only give credit to God. We talked about listening to God in several ways. I started to talk about how we pretend we are too busy to talk or listen to God, and how we have no excuse for it. How many times do you walk to class and not think about anything in general? Pray to God during that time. How many times do we listen to the radio when we're driving somewhere? Pray to God during that time. We waste so much time doing dumb things, when we could be better served if we just spent it with God. He finds favor with those who seek him. He will bless us, but we have to ask. Think of all the blessings that we miss because we would rather watch TV than pray or read the Word. A friend of mine puts it this way: If I were saving my money to buy you a Porsche, and you saved up your money and bought an old El Camino, you would be a fool. You missed out on something great because you went for what you wanted in the short term. It's like that with God. We do things in the moment, instead of waiting for him to shower us with blessings. Then, today, God further confirmed that he is willing to bless us and talk to us if we only listen. Bill sent an awesome email about stopping and listening to God, and being thankful for the life he has given us. We don't deserve anything that God gives us, but he does it out of love. Now, that's the kind of love that I wouldn't want to go without.
2/8/04 ~ God's plan. It's perfect, right? Sometimes, it's hard to believe that God knows best, especially during trials. It's easy to give up hope. We have to keep in mind, however, that we only see a small portion of the picture. God sees it all. Say you saw a picture of this guy on the cross, bleeding from his hands, head, and sides. On the surface, it looks like something absolutely horrible. Pan out, and you see that it was Jesus, who had lived a perfect life, died upon that cross, and rose on the third day, guaranteeing our Salvation. It may have seemed bad, but it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened. Our lives are sort of like that. When something comes up, we focus on the bad part of it, not thinking that there is a better purpose. Last week, this happened to me. One of my brothers in Christ passed away last week, and a lot of us took it hard. At first, it was hard to realize that God would redeem himself through this. Then, something amazing happened. We (my Home Team) always meet up at Starbucks on Thursday nights. Most of us found out about Trevor that night. Then, we started praying over people in our group. After about 45 minutes, I looked up and saw that three ladies and a young guy were praying with us. After Starbucks closed, we went outside and prayed some more. Someone found a verse about lifting your voice like a trumpet to God, so we started yelling praises at the top of our lungs, right there in the parking lot. I felt that God was right there with us, taking our brokenness and making it his. Over the last few days, I've come to realize that God didn't make this happen, but rather allowed it to happen. God's plan is perfect, and his glory will be shown through all of this. God is good, and he does everything out of love for us. We just have to trust in his plan, no matter what. It doesn't matter if we're dealing with death, change, persecution, or anything else. If we trust in God, he will reward us for our faithfulness. We will never enjoy the mountain-top unless we go through the valley. We cannot be refined without fire. God is calling us to persevere through everything. It is my prayer that we will. The reward is far greater if we persevere than if we just give up. I love God with all that I am, and I am thankful that he has called us to do this.
1/11/04 ~ First of all, I have new pictures up. I start classes tomorrow, and I'm sort of excited about that. It seems like forever since I've been in class, so I'm glad to get my mind back in the thinking mode. I have two biology classes, a technical writing class, a nutrition class, and a government class. I'm sort of anxious to see what God has in store for me, school wise, this semester. He's the reason that I'm doing all of this, so I'm sure that it will be challenging and worth it. The most exciting thing going on right now is my spiritual life. Last weekend, my passion for God exploded. It started when I was talking about how everything that God does is out of love for us, even though we don't realize it. As I was talking, a girl next to me started crying, saying that God was directly speaking to her through me. Talk about humbling. All of a sudden, my soul woke up, as if from a long sleep, and my passion was re-ignited. Since then, I've found myself giving everything to God through prayer. For the first time in a long time, I feel that God is right here beside me, helping me through everything. Then, as I was sharing this with Elisabeth, she said that I sounded like myself for the first time in almost a year. It is amazing to see that God is turning my life around, and I'm starting to see why everything has happened the way it has. Last year was a training year of sorts. God was strengthening me through my trials so that I would come down here and fight His battle. I am so thankful that God loves us too much to give up on us. I just want to live a life of praise and obedience to His Will. It is because of God that so many wonderful things are happening in my life. He is right here, blessing my new relationships with people, getting me back on track. Now that I have fellowship back in my life, I have learned that I should not rely on that for my sole source of spiritual nourishment. It is because of God that I have an unquenchable thirst for His Word. It is because of God that I rejoice. "Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O Lord; I will sing praises to your name." ~ Psalm 18:49
1/1/04 ~ Happy New Year, folks! For the first time in my life, I spent New Year's Eve out of the Lone Star State and away from my parents. Nevertheless, it turned out to be one of the best ones ever. I headed to Shreveport, for the Independence Bowl, early in the morning, and, when I got there, I knew that I was going to have a blast. I met up with the Lautenschlagers, and James and Aaron. After a change into my game time outfit, I was ready to go to the stadium. We headed out there, and looked at the pregame festivities, which were pretty lame. Instead of leaving and paying for parking, we got on a shuttle and headed to a local mall. After eating lunch, Laura and I decided we wanted to find this place that was supposedly having a big sale, just to see what kind of clothes they had. The guys followed us, and we finally found it. There were all these extremely ugly high-heeled shoes in the front, and I picked out a neon green pair and was laughing about them. Then, out of nowhere, this guy shows up and tells me to go for the clear jelly ones and was raving about these shoes. Laura and I just sort of looked at each other and tried to get away. It was a crazy experience. When we got back to the stadium, we got in line and welcomed the Mizzou players after they got off the bus. Then, we went to our seats and waited for the game so start. Some guy turned around and called me a "hearty woman" on account of me wearing soccer shorts and tall socks, while everybody else was bundled up. I didn't know whether or not to take it as a compliment, so I just told him I was from Texas, and that's why I'm so tough. It worked, because he turned around and didn't say anything more. The game was good, but disappointing because we lost. After the game, we stopped and got some pizza and went back to the hotel. I joked that it was definitely a guy's New Years Eve, because we were sitting in a hotel room, eating pizza, and watching ESPN. We didn't really have a big countdown, but we all said "Happy New Year" when the time was right. Since the Mizzou folks had a long drive, we went to bed shortly after. This morning, we had breakfast together, said our goodbyes and hit the road. On the way back, I realized just how blessed I am to have friends like Bill and Laura. Over the past few months, I have gotten to know Laura really well, and I am blessed to know her. Bill has been an awesome friend to me, and I thank God that he has blessed me with so many friends like that. Seeing them, even if only for a day, was really good for me. I am happy that God has me down in Texas, but I do not forget about my Mizzou friends. I am thankful for any opportunity to see or talk to them. I am hopeful that I can get pictures up soon of my trip to Shreveport and of my friends from down here. Until then, I'm out like a light.
12/30/03 ~ Well, this will be my last entry of 2003. What a year it has been. I began the year so optimistic about what would happen, and that outlook was tested from the onset. Luckily, God blessed me with a lot of friends who took care of me in many ways, and were there to support me in my moments of need. They were the ones that God used to tell me that everything was alright. I learned that I could trust God, no matter what the situation was. I think the most important thing that I learned this year is that God only does things out of love for us, and that, even though we can't see the outcome, He knows what He's doing. I have truly been blessed by God this year, both through my triumphs and trials. I'm ending this year extremely happy with where God has me and what God is doing in my life. Also, tomorrow is the MainStay Independence Bowl in Shreveport. I'm excited to go to the game, but more so because I get to see some of my friends from Mizzou. Hopefully, Mizzou will win the game, and 2003 will end on a positive note.
12/17/03 ~ So, this week has been really good so far. Sunday night, I went to Home Team, and I had such a good time. We are doing a study of James, and were talking about faith and deeds. It was really encouraging to hear other people's stories about how people have impacted their lives through their actions and faith. Afterwards, a big group of us went out to eat and talked about the capture of Saddam and such. I'm really getting to know a lot of people down here, but, strangely, they're all guys. I think I know 3 girls, and I would only call them acquaintances. All the rest of my friends are guys. That's not a bad thing, but I'm not used to it just yet. Anyway, we all sat around and talked about God until we realized that mostly everybody was leaving. Tommy and I stood in the parking lot afterwards, talking about how awesome God is, and how the Bible comes into play every single day. This week has also been a good week because of my new job. I work at a furniture store, and all I do is bake cookies for the customers to have, dust, and maybe help the clerical people out a little, and then I can do whatever I want. Basically, I am getting paid to sit and read for most of the day. It's quite a nice job, and I think it will be a good one when I have lots of homework and such to do when I go back to school. When I got home last night, I knew that a group of my new friends were going to go see "The Lord of the Rings" and I set out to get my ticket. The only problem was that I got home too late, and the midnight show was sold out. As I was telling Tommy that I couldn't go, he said that we could go after I got off work today, even though he was going to the one at midnight. So, I went ahead and got the tickets, and met him at the theater. I had a really good time, and saw a really good movie. All in all, it was an awesome night. Too bad I'm not going to get to see Tommy until January, because he's going home to El Paso for 2 weeks. It's alright, though. I've got plenty to keep me busy, with Christmas and going to the Independence Bowl and all. I can't wait. One last note...In the next week or so, I hope to have new pictures up of some of the people I'm hanging out with down here, so some of you can put a face to the names. Peace out!
12/14/03 ~ GOD IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!! Last night, I went to a Christmas party for my new home team, and it was amazing. God's Spirit filled the whole place, and we worshipped him all night long. God even spoke through me tonight, and that was an experience in itself. Now, I have no words to accurately describe how deeply, madly, and insanely in love with God I am. There is nothing I want to do more than boldly proclaim to the world that I LOVE GOD!!! That's all there is to say, and I think that's quite enough. 12/8/03 ~ You know, it's kind of hard to get in the 'holiday spirit' when it's not cold outside and there is no snow. I sort of got used to that holiday feeling during the past two years, and I have to admit that I miss it. Nevertheless, I was a little down about not being happy that Christmas was coming. I had lost track of why we celebrate in the first place. Add that to some major confusion about what God wants for me in my life, and I definitely found myself in a valley last week. Friday was the breaking point. With only a month and a half until classes start, my financial aid for UNT hadn't been received, and I was on the phone with the lovely FAFSA people. They finally told me that all I needed was a parent signature from a correction I made in May. I couldn't believe that they had known this for months, and just now told me. Finally, I turned to God and asked what was going on, and what was I supposed to do. When Saturday night rolled around, I was ready for church. I needed to hear what the pastor had to say, because I believed that God would speak to me through it. Sure enough, God spoke to me and showed me what I've been doing wrong. I had to give these problems over to him, not hang on to them and try to solve them myself. Then, I went to Single Impact. It had been a while since I hung out with Tommy, so it was good to see him again. He introduced me to a lot of his new friends, and we all sat together. Then, God spoke to me again through the talk that the speaker gave. It was all about realizing that some of the best gifts are the most unexpected and hardest to receive. It seems like my life this year has been a testament to that, but I forgot it. After SI, I got to tell the whole story about how God altered my life this year, and it really lifted me up. Then, Tommy invited me to dinner with some other folks, and I got to know more about them and hear their testimonies. I really saw how God worked in each of their lives. After supper, we went to this girl's apartment and played 'Mafia' late into the night. The biggest boost that God gave me this weekend happened on Sunday. Tommy invited me to go see Lee Strobel give a talk on "The Case for Christmas." Strobel was an atheist and worked for the Chicago Sun Times and went on a two year journey to find out who Jesus was. He ended up becoming a Christian and wrote The Case for Christ. His talk was about what convinced him that Jesus was the Son of God. After hearing his story, and all the evidence that he found, I realized that I forgot that Christmas was more than having that 'holiday spirit.' It's all about celebrating the best thing to happen to us. I should be thrilled that the time for Jesus' birth is coming. He is my Savior, and I should be anticipating the celebration of his birth. This is the most important birthday of them all. That's what should make me excited. No amount of cold weather or snow should have an effect on my excitement for Christmas. As I sat and talked with the people that went with us, it became more evident that God spoke to all of us in this way. God is real, and it's easy to forget that. Then, if we just pray and listen, he'll come right back and remind us that he is everything we need. That's what I realized this weekend. On a completely non-spiritual note, it seems that Mizzou is going to the MainStay Independence Bowl, in Shreveport, Louisiana. That's only about 3 and a half hours from my house. I've already asked someone to get me a ticket, but I want to extend an invitation to anybody that wants to come down. There's plenty of room for people to stay, so the more the merrier. I'd love to show some of you folks what my new life in Texas is like, and why I'm unbelievably happy down here.
11/23/03 ~ This weekend was awesome. I got to go diving for the first time in about 3 months. I really missed it, so when the chance to go came up, I knew I had to go. Last week, when I decided to go, I thought about what time of year it is, and how crazy I must be to do this. I knew that the water temperature was in the mid-60s. Now, that's not a bad temp for the air, but it's a lot different in the water because water absorbs body heat 4 times faster than air. Luckily, the weather looked good by the time I left on Friday. During the 3 hour drive to the lake, I got to really connect with God. It was just a good time to sing along to worship songs and really talk to him. By the time I arrived in the lake, I was in an awesome mood. I met up with Mark and unloaded my stuff. Mark was my instructor when I got certified, and when he goes to the lake with a class, I like to tag along. He's a pretty cool guy, and it was fun to hang out and talk with him. Since us divers camp when we go to the lake, I went to bed pretty early. The wind really picked up early in the night, and as I was getting ready to go to sleep, I kept thinking about the FFH song, "Where You Are." The song starts out, "In this quiet place again, I can hear you on the wind, whispering to me." All I could think about was that God was right there with me, and that gave me such a sense of peace. It's one of those things that God lets you feel every now and then, almost as if to say, "Hey, I'm always here for you, and I'm in control of it all, so don't worry." When Saturday morning rolled around, I was so at peace. Mark and I had breakfast and then his students showed up. It was time to get in the water. I had to wear two wetsuits, a hood, and some seriously thick gloves, along with my other gear. I definitely looked like a serious diver. When I hit the water, it really woke me up. The first little shock is what gets you the most; after that, the water's fine. We did 3 dives on Saturday, and all of them were quite refreshing. The only problem was the wind on the surface. During the day, it was really blowing, with gusts around 30 mph. If my tent hadn't been staked to the ground, it would have blown away for sure. Since it had been blowing through the night, it produced a pretty good little current under water. One diver, with another group, had problems of some sort while he was diving. He had to be taken to the hospital, and I don't know what ended up happening to him. Also, there was a boat that capsized in the middle of the lake, and they had to send rescue divers to find the people. They were found, and turned out to be alright. All in all, it made for an interesting day. I usually do a night dive on Saturday nights, but Mark and I didn't want to go in the cold water and then have to go to bed all wet and cold. So, everybody went to bed. This morning, we woke up to some pretty good rain. In order to get some sleep, I kept the rain shield off my tent, because it just flaps in the wind. I had to hurry up and put it up so my stuff didn't get soaked. Then, the temperature dropped about 20 degrees in about 45 minutes because a front moved through. We had to do one more certification dive for the guys in the class, so we packed up what we didn't need and headed for the water. It actually felt good to get in, as the water was about 15 degrees warmer than the air. When it was time to get out, I dreaded it. I really didn't want to leave the 'warm' water for the cold surface. I don't think I've ever taken my gear apart and put it up as fast as I did today. We were all packed up and ready to go to a local restaurant to do paperwork by 11:30. Usually, we're not even ready to go until late in the afternoon. Anyway, we went to the restaurant and Mark did all the paperwork for the people in the class, and I just hung out. It was nice to warm up a bit before I drove home. On the way home, I just thought about all the blessings that I have sort of been oblivious to lately. The whole weekend was a blessing. It takes a bit of preparation to go diving for a weekend, as well as some money. There have also been so many other blessings in my life these past few months. I guess that I haven't really taken the time to think about them, and God wanted me too. This whole weekend was awesome, and it was all because of him. It humbles me that God took this weekend and made it something that was totally his.
11/17/03 ~ The other night, as I pulled into the driveway, I noticed that they finally put the 'for sale' sign up for our house. Driving down the driveway, it sort of hit me that we were really going to move. I'm sort of used to it by now, with all the times I've moved before. This time, it feels different, though. I consider this farm to be my home...it's one of my favorite places to be. More than that, however, is that this is where I came to know Jesus. It happened under the big tree on the top of the hill. I know that I've taken that spot for granted since then. Now I keep thinking that I'm not going to be able to return to it after we move. At the same time, however, I'm excited to see the new place we're going to move to. I've resigned to the fact that I'm not going to have 'my room' anymore. I guess that's part of growing up. Still, I find it amazing how this all hit me the other night. We've talked about this for months now, but it seemed so definite when I saw the sign. It's amazing how things don't really sink in until something tangible comes along. On another note, I've been thinking a lot about how my actions affect others. We all know that Christians are always watched, and the enemy is quick to point out our failures and weaknesses. Then, I found a verse that defines how we should act as Christians. "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel," Philippians 1:27. What an amazing impact we could have on people if we always acted with God in mind. I know that I have trouble with that a lot of the time. It's easy to think of yourself first. However, that isn't how God wants us to be, and Paul shows us that in this verse. If, instead of getting angry at someone who hurt me, I instantly forgave them and forgot about it, I could show them how great Jesus was. If we could live like Paul talks about in this verse, our whole lives would be complete testimonies for the greatness of God, but it's hard to do. Still, I know that I want to strive to live a life worthy of the One who created me, and this verse is pretty helpful in guiding me on how to do that.
11/9/03 ~ Ok, so I'm getting happier by the day down here, and it's all because of God. He's really blessing me with the new people in my life. This last weekend, a few of us went to see the new Matrix movie, which was awesome. If you've seen it, you know what I mean, and, if you haven't, you need to see this movie right away! Anyway, I had a good time this weekend. One thing that God has revealed to me these past couple of weeks is the fact that it's good to give our burdens to him. A few weeks ago, I finally turned over some major burdens to him, and he turned right around and showed me what he could do with them. He has put people in my life right now that are making me extremely happy, and I'm so grateful. I guess God really did know what he was doing all this time. I have no doubt that he wants me in Texas, and I'm loving what he's doing. I know that it won't be an easy road, but, right now, he's providing some pretty cool people that will help me when I need it. I guess, that, in short, I'm starting to see what God has done in me during my latest time in the valley, as well as preparing me for his future plans. So, yeah, I'm totally humbled and blessed by the things that God has been doing in my life.
11/1/03 ~ More good news! God brought a huge smile to my face last night, and it felt really good. I went to Fall-a-paloosa with my bud Tommy, and a couple of other guys, last night. Now, the party wasn't 'all that' but we didn't let that get us down. Instead, Tommy, Jason, Ted, and myself made it awesome. We laughed at each other when we were square dancing (yes, square dancing), and looked at all the other people in their costumes. Some of them were just plain funny. There were a lot of 'rednecks', one of those cows from Chick-Fil-A, among other things. I even danced with a mime. I can't really dance all that well, as some of you may know, but that was ok. There were plenty of people around me with the same affliction. Anyway, we turned a somewhat dull event into a fun time for us. Tonight was another Single Impact, and I met some pretty neat people. There was a new girl from Finland, and she was really cool. I also met some girls that were teachers, and they were really nice. It's nice to be in a position to meet so many new people. I'm excited to see how God is going to use these people in my life. I realized tonight that, right now, God is calling me to be committed to these new relationships. I'm glad, because it's an answer to prayer. I'm finally getting back to enjoying fellowship with others, rather than trying to be a lone Christian. So, life is good down here in the Lone Star State. At the same time, I know that many of my brothers and sisters are going through some struggles of their own. I want you people to know that you are on my mind and in my prayers. It hurts me to see people that I'm close to struggle in their walk with God. Even though I don't talk to most of you that often, I haven't forgotten about you. I want to encourage you people, and I have a verse to give you some hope... "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1Peter 1:6-9 I do not doubt that God is working in your lives. He does the most work in us when we are in the darkness. One day, he will reveal to you just what he did in you during this time, and you will see that things have worked according to his Will. Praise be to God that he blesses us in this way.
10/19/03 ~ I sure am glad that God made it clear to me that I should stay home this weekend, rather than going to the 22-Hour Retreat up at Mizzou. I really wanted to go, but God pretty much made it impossible. So, I ended up going to Fellowship for the third week in a row. This time, I went on Saturday night, because Single Impact was after the service. Single Impact (SI) is the Bible study for singles 18-27. As I was walking to the building where it is held, I met a guy named Ray, who was really nice. He introduced me to a lot of people and helped me get signed up and such. Then, I met some other people who were there for the first time, and they were pretty cool. The room where SI is held was divided up into Home Teams, so I found the one closest to where my dad lives. Home Teams are sort of like small groups, so it's a good way to meet people who live in your area. Anyway, all the people in mine were super cool, and they all welcomed me like I'd been there a hundred times before. SI is sort of like another church service, where a band comes up and does some songs and then someone gives a talk. All in all, it was an awesome experience. After it was over, I mingled with some folks, and got invited to Fall-a-paloosa. This is an SI event at a local ranch on Halloween. I'm so excited to go, because it will be a great opportunity to meet even more people. I guess it's safe to say that this is my new church home, thanks to God. On a more somber note, there has been a death in my family. My mom's cousin died yesterday after a battle with Leukemia. I never knew her, but my mom said they were really close when they were growing up. She lived about an hour and a half from us, so my grandparents flew in from Maryland to come to the funeral. I haven't seen them in a couple of years, so it's good to see them now, but it's not exactly the best reason for them to be here. Still, this is a good chance for me to show them how much God has changed my life in the past two years. I ask that you folks pray for her family. Even though it is better where she is at now, I know it has to be hard for her family to know that she's gone. Alright, that about does it for now. I hope that all you Mizzou folks had an awesome time at the retreat, and I can't wait to hear all about it. Peace out.
10/15/03 ~ I added some new pictures from when I was up at Mizzou. Most of them are from the dinner at the Pasta House.
10/13/03 ~ Alright, so it's time for a new look and name for my site. I don't like keeping it the same all the time, so I figured a change was due. New pics are coming soon. As for me, well, I'm still truckin' along down here. I've been going to my new church, and I like it even more each time I go. This weekend should be fun, because it's the Bible study I've been looking forward to. Hopefully, God will provide some new friends for me, so I can have some fellowship down here, other than my family. Anyway, that's really the biggest thing going on right now. I guess it's about time things slowed down a little bit. I need to rest and get ready for when God needs me to go to battle for him. On another note, I want to say that I think it's awesome that Mizzou routed Nebraska. As I watched it on TV, I saw a few of my friends, which was kind of neat. I did feel a little down when the students stormed the field, because that was one of the things I wanted to do while at Mizzou. Still, I'm happy for those of you who got to go on the field. It looked like a lot of fun. At least the players didn't jump on the goalposts this time. Last time that happened, Mizzou got a lot of flack. Anyway, bring on Oklahoma. Anything can happen!
10/9/03 ~ I switched guestbooks. Entries from my old guestbook can be found under the Archives section.
10/8/03 ~ It happens all the time. I'm looking for something, and it's right in front of my face. I overlook it, and search for it frantically. Sometimes, it's my keys, or that shirt I've been dying to wear. Sometimes, it's a person to talk to. Most of the time, it's God. I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off, all the while looking for a way to connect to God. Every night, I sit at my computer, and the answer sits right in front of me. Literally. My desktop wallpaper has a very important verse on it, but I overlook it almost every single day. It's Matthew 11:28: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." I wear myself out when I run, and I forget that God is the only one who can make it better. I worry and dwell on things that are beyond my control. I think that one of the enemy's favorite games to play is to open old wounds. He's good at that, and I dwell on those things, breaking my own heart. However, God is always there, and all I have to do is turn to him, and he will make everything alright.
10/5/03 ~ I found my new church today. It is called Fellowship Church, and it is located about 10 minutes from my dad's house. The church itself is HUGE, and by huge, I mean that the auditorium seats over 4,000 people. God allowed me to see that it met all of my requirements for a new church. There were a ton of people my age, and you could tell that the church as a whole was passionate for God and God's Word. In addition to meeting my requirements, the church had a lot of other positives. The praise and worship band was great, and the pastor has a real gift from God to share the message in a humorous way that also makes you think. In about the middle of the service, it just hit me that this was going to be my new church. I'm glad that God directed me to this church through my grandparents. They had attended a funeral there a while back, and it came up when I was sharing my desire to find a new church with them. Anyway, it just capped off a great week where God really silenced me and let me see and think about the things he's doing in my life. God is using me down here, and I'm aware of that. I don't know what kind of impact that I am having, or who I'm even having it on, but that's ok. I would rather it be that way so that I can stay humble, and let God take all the glory.
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