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In Loving Memory Of Jessica Lynne Rogers

January 19, 1989 -- August 16, 2004

If you were to see Jess walking down the street, you would never guess she was battling a case of serious depression. You would never see the pain she was battling, because i sure didnt. You couldn't see her pain, until you saw her arms. Her two beautiful baby girls. Those were her joy. I got the phone call on August 16th at noon. It was Jess' mom. Told me she found her dead, hanging from the fan in her bedroom. How? I was wish her the night before. She was fine. We stayed up late playing with the kids. Her mom told me she was up late on the phone with her boyfriend Morgan. The next morning, before heading to work, her mom checked on her, and saw her hanging there, bleeding from her wrists, ankles, eyes and nose. She left a note saying I Love You all, Goodbye, and please, make sure my babies know i love them. That was all. After getting off the phone with her mom, i called Morgan. I told him what happened, and he started crying. I asked him what they talked about on the phone that made her so upset. He said that Jess had read some e-mails that his ex-girlfriend sent him, saying that she was still in love with him. Jess got upset, and broke up with him. He got upset, and hung up on her. Told her he would be by to get the kids, and to have a good life.

The funeral was really hard. over 800 people showed up, i wished she could have seen all the people around her that cared. All her schoolmates. Kids i didn't even know. Kids she probably didnt know either, but they were kids that thought she was special. Kids from her job, teaching dance. Some young, some old. Me and my parents sat quietly, watching her mom sob in tears of pain, holding the two infants in her arms. The funeral was really beautiful. Tulips filled the room, jess' favorite flower. Her favorite song "Ocean Avenue" blared through the speakers. I sat beside Morgan, and i held his hand, as he looked into the yes of his two beautiful baby girls. I thought that boy was the strongest boy you'd ever seen, but that day, i saw him cry. She was cleaned up well, laying there still in her casket. Her make-up was done, her eyes closed. She looked like a sleeping angel.

Her mom walked up to the casket, leaned over, and kissed her only daughter on the cheek. Her brother walked up, and layed Jess' favorite pillow behind her head. Her dad walked up, and cried. Her told her he loved her, and that he hoped she was watching them from heaven. Then it was mine and Morgan's turn. Morgan walked up, slowly. Then paused. He looked at her mom, and her mom nodded a sympathetic nod. Morgan walked up, he looked like a part of him died. A part of him did die. The love of his life. He placed a poem that he had written her, and he layed the two girls in each of Jess' arms. He touched her hand, and grasped it in his. And held it for a moment or two. Then he cried. He walked away, sobbing into his kleenex. Then it was my turn. I walked up to her, she did really look like an angel. I kissed her cheek, and told her to be safe in heaven.

We all stood in the graveyard, the wind blowing gently. As the reverend said a prayer, and the casket was going into the ground, it started to rain. NO ONE left. Everyone stood around the scene, sobbing. And into the ground when her body. But her soul went up to the clouds. Her daughers cried, even though only two months old, they knew something was wrong. They knew their mommy was gone forever. She is gone now, forever. my lovely friend is no longer here.

School was hard to get through. We had an assembly in memory of our classmate when school resumed. The guidance counselor explained to those who weren't present for the funeral what happened. He explained that she would be with us, always. He tried to make us laugh by telling us she would be watching when we wrote our tests to make she we didn't cheat. Normally, the gym would be cracking up at his ridiculous joke, nobody made a sound. Then, there was a movie tribute to her. All home movies made at school. Some of her with feather bowas around her neck doing the queen wave, one of her cleaning the girls washroom. One of her interviewing everyone's least favorite teacher and making fun of his moustache, not realizing he was right behind her. A movie of her bring the twins to school a week after they were born, and everyone ooing and aweing over them. They made us cry. That was the girl we knew, the Jessica that smiles, the Jessica that laughed. Not the Jessica that layed dead in the cemetary.

She's gone and forever will be. That doesn't mean her memories don't linger on for those of us left here without her. She's left behind two beautiful baby girls. I miss her everyday. Every hour. I miss her in math class, everytime someone comes in late, i think of her walking through that heavy blue door, dropping all her books. Everytime the name "jessica" comes on the P.A system, i cry. Life goes on... I have devoted the rest of my life to helping her family and Morgan raise those two girls. I wish she would have asked for help. I wish she would have called me that night. I wish i would have seen. I used to blame myself for not noticing...but now i realize, that god has taken her for a reason...i do believe that she's safe in heaven, watching over us all, making sure we survive.

Some pictures of Jess and her loved ones...

The two girls that will forever be affected by this loss. Jessica and Morgan's two precious twin daughters. Italie Marie and Tareyn Doreen. When their mother passed away, they were only a month old. They were Jessica's strength. They were the reason she awoke in the morning. Now they're left to be raised by their dad. When they grow up, he says he will tell them. She will alway be with them. They came from her, and they reside with her, always.

[jess with her two daughters on the day they were born]...[italie and tareyn, three weeks old]...[italie and tareyn on the day of their mom's funeral]