Our Sweet Baby
Went to Heaven February 2001

This is the baby at 7 weeks. Looks like a PEA with a big nose to me... :) 



This is 8 weeks, I know it scanned dark 





This is 9 weeks
They where pushing on my belly when the pic was taken, i guess thats why it looks like that. We went to the dr. and MOMMA and baby are doing fine. no signs of any problems so far. I still havent gained any weight, but your able to tell im preg, but Dr Jones, said that i might not gain any.. and that sounds good to me!!! But my blood pressure was good, my white blood cell is good, and there is no sign of cancer. Hey I thought of all these names right. This is what I like, what do you guys think.... Boy... Ryan James, (thats AJ and christophers middle names) and girl... Arika Nicole... what you guys think? But The heart beat is real fast,and she said that usually that means a girl. I cant wait to know that for sure. You know... OK, ok. I go to the dr once a week so ill keep yall posted!!!  OK OK OK heres an update on what I wrote before. OK all this Time I though christophers middle name was Ryan, but its not, its Scott. I dont know what I was thinking. So all this time I have thought I was choosing a name, after my two younger brothers. I was wrong. But I like Ryan still. Sorry christopher. Well I can still say that I got James from AJ.... lol.. O well i tried... :) 


10 weeks
I went to the dr this morning. Still no signs of cancer. Which is good. But My blood cell count is low, and my blood pressure is real low. I am going back friday morning because she just wants to make sure that its nothing to worry about. But there is no cancer so thats good. The baby i doing ok, there is still a stong heartbeat. Just that if I am stressed then the baby is too, so they are watching us close. I'll keep you informed.

2/9/01 almost 11 weeks
I know I know today is friday and I just went to the dr on wednesday. But when I went Wed my blood pressure and white blood cell count were both low, so they just want ot keep a close eyes on me. So they gave us, me and the baby a stress test this morning and we are both showing signs of stress. But he said that could be normal, they are just going to watch us close. But the heartbeat is still real strong and there is no sign of cancer. so thats good... 

11 weeks
 There is still no signs of cancer, so that is good. But the babys heartbeat dropped almost half. Like last time I went it was at like 165 beats and this morning it was at 71 beats. The dr said it was ok, that its not unusual. But just to be safe I am going in the morning again. I dont get anything, they just want to listen to the heart. Happy valentines day all.

When I found out I was preg with you I guess really I was in more shock then anything. I said I wasnt going to try anymore, and then you kinda sneaked right up on me. I didnt tell alot of people at first, but you know me, it was hard to keep you secret. I didnt show it Arika, but inside I was so excited. You were like an angel send from heaven, even before anyone knew you. You werent planned, which made you even more special.  With you I got to go to the dr once a week, and see you and hear your little heatbeat. Most people only get a glimps but I got to watch you grow week by week.  I dont know for sure if you were a girl or not, but everyone, even the dr, told me that you were a girl, cause at the beginning your little heartbeat was SO fast.  Erika you are not with me anymore, but you will always be in my heart. I loved you from the day I found out I had you growing inside. I started to plan your life. What I would name you, what you would look like, Who you would take after. Your daddy loves you too honey, he might now show it like mommy does. But he was excited. I would crave seafood and pasta, and I am not fond of seafood, and pasta, well i rarely ate pasta until I was preg with you. I would eat the stuff and think how odd it was that I was eating it.  Arika you left me for reason I will never know, you little heart just stopped beating. And when god took you to heaven he took a big piece of my heart with you. I love you.

Daddy you will never show me
how to catch or throw a ball
Or tie my laces really tight
or how to fish (with bait and all!)

You'll never teach me ABC's
or read to me, and tuck me in
You'll never kiss and make me laugh
with tickles from your spiky chin.

You'll never watch me graduate
For my cap and gown I'll never see
And you'll never hold my babies
(Like you never got to cuddle me...)

You would have been the bestest Daddy
But I had gone before you knew
So instead of watching me, My Daddy
I'll be watching over you...

Only The Best
A heart of gold stopped beating, two shining eyes at rest. God broke my heart to prove, He only takes the best. God knows you had to leave me, but you did not go alone- for part of me went with you, the day He took you home. To some you will be forgotten, to others just part of the past, but for me who loved and lost you, you will always last.

At about 12:15 Igot this sharp pain in my stomach and stood up, and started bleeding real bad. My first instinct was to hold myself, and in doing so a clot of blood about the sixe of the palm of my hand fell into my hand. I didnt hurt, I mean I guess I was in too much shock even if it did. I just kinda sat there, and didnt say anything holding this thing. (Which now I know was my little baby Erika. And the whole way to the Emergency room I held my little one. She didnt look like a baby. But I knew what I was holding. The people in the ER took her (the clot as they called it also) to the lab for cultures. They took me streight in and gave me an ultrasound. There was nothing there. It all happened that fast. Just the day before I was laying on the same kind of table and I was watching my little babys heart beat. A doctor came in and got some information from me to call my achual doctor. They called it an aprupt somthing. Erika said it was time to go, and my body said ok. I came home, blood from hed to toe, and crawled in bed. It all happened so fast. Now that I sit here on sunday, in front of this computer, im crying, the first time I have really cried since thursday. Its hard for me to talk about all that has happened. I just dont understand, why me. On friday my doctor called me and ruled out cancer. Arika didnt die from cancer. Which is the first thing I would think with my background. But she was cancer free. Her little heart just stopped for reasons we will probably never know I guess and she said it was time to go.