This was not a planned pregnancy, I had decided that I was fine with not having kids.  At least right now.  I was working allot, and really having a good time. When I found out I was surprised.  I didn't tell anyone for a while.  I was like, let me wait and see how it goes, because of my past.  I was also scared, I mean I knew that they had told me I had one more chance, and I hadn't planned on this being that chance.  But everything really went good.  When I found out I was only 3.5 weeks along.  But at like 5 weeks I swore I could fill kicks, even Amy felt it.  At my next Doctors visit I asked about maybe my dates being wrong, maybe I got pregnant in London, but it wasn't the baby we felt, it was contractions.  The Dr gave me a shot and said they would stop.  And they did for the most part.  Everything went good though, I went to the Dr. regularly and I heard your heartbeat and watched him grow. I watched myself grow too.  I had an Amniocentesis done at 12 weeks and found out it was a boy and that there were not abnormalities.  I had my shot at MD Anderson every two weeks like I was suppose to and there was not sign of cancer anywhere.  Everything was going good with the baby. Time to tell everyone.  Wednesday night January 28th I called Amy, and it was late I told her that I didn't really fill good and to take her phone to bed with her, she asked if I should just go to the hospital then.  I told her no, that I would be fine.  (How I wish know I would have just gone).  I didn't have a problem going to sleep though, as soon as I hit the pillow I was gone.  When I woke up the next morning my stomach was cramping REAL bad, I got out of bed and saw that I was bleeding.  (that morning I was getting a new air conditioner also so they were on their way)  I called my boss and told here that I was going to go and get checked out cause I didn't fill good.  I called Amy and she met me at the hospital.  By the time Amy got there I was already in the back, she walked in and you could tell she was crying, she had went to the wrong hospital at first.  They took me for the ultrasound to confirm what I already knew in my heart.  My baby was gone.  Some people say or for the best, or things happen for a reason.  But nothing is for the best, that was my baby, baby boy.  I just don't understand what more god thanks I can take.  Just when I get excited he took him away.  No matter what I loved him and wanted him, more than anyone can know. There was no cancer the baby was healthy, they say I lost him because of a Septate Uterus, they say that I have to have surgery to fix it.  We will see I guess.  

But I do want to thank Amy, she was there for me.  When I found out I was pregnant and no one else knew she kept it quiet.  When I went to the hospital, she was there.  When I wanted to lay in bed and cry she kept me going.  When I couldn't walk she took care of me.  I owe allot to her.

My baby boy isn't here anymore, but he does have a name its Joshua.  When I first told Skylar that I was pregnant she told me if it was a girl I should name it Emily and if a boy I should name it Joshua, I don't know where she got the names from.  The further along I got, the more Joshua stuck.  I mean I didn't really care what his name was, just as long as he was healthy.  On that Thursday when we got home from the hospital Skylar and I were in bed, and I told her god took Joshua to heaven, she asked me how and why.  I told her how, it was magic and why, cause got wanted him in heaven.  Then she asked me why god didn't take her to heaven I told her because she had to stay here and take care of Montana, THEN she asked why god didn't take Montana to heaven and I told her, because Montana was too mean.  I was just joking of course but she is 4 years old what I could tell her.  Still today the only thing she really wants to know, is HOW got took him out of my belly, I just tell her that its magic.