"The Places I Have Come To Fear The Most"
Got anything you want to say about certain aspects on the entries, feel free to say as much as you can. Please do not waste my time by attacking my written words. If you do not like it or me for that matter, just leave. But leave as many messages as you want. I don't get tired of hearing what other people have got to say. Thanks! :-)
Time Journal Opened:
6/12/03 1:38:45 PM
Up and Running.. again...
Well, I'm back up again. Thing is, i dont think i can update alot now, i get lazy and busy during the summer. anywho, i've been looking for a job. i cant seem to find one. but i think i finally got one at IHOP. yea as graveyard waiter. so that'll be cool. first time as a waiter for me. anywho, hows my summer been? its been really lazy and kinda slow. i graduated. awesome! i've only seen annie like once afterwards. no wait i havent. hehe. she'll call occasionally. but not everyday. I'm dating Nora. We've been going out alot and i spent some time at her house. One day i was there from like 3 pm till 3 am, i was going to sleep there, becuz her parents and siblings were gone, but her room got to hot, and i started to sweat and i cant sleep with heat. i need to be freezing. so i left at 3:30... got home knocked out hehe. i think her dad likes me, so thats cool. and her twin sister is the best, and her younger sister is a awesome punk rocker. so yea! oh yea, Nora and Dora, got me 2 tickets to see George Lopez in concert, floor seats!!! hell yes, im taking my good friend jayk, we'll meet up with Nora and Dora there. anywho, my brother has gone to Austin to live there, and i think hes better up there, alot better. Dora has been up in austin as well. Shes been staying with her sister i think. But shes been trying to get Nora up there as well, but Nora says she dont like it. But i hope shes not staying behind just cause she wants to see me, or whatever, you know how that goes. I mean im going to UTSA soon, and Austin is about 45 mins away from SA, so i can travel to see her once im gone for college. We'll see where it goes. Oh yea, i never noticed how socialable i can be, hehe. I walked into this restuarant to apply for a job and well, they had this hostess, and i just said hi and started talking to her. and i sat down becuz they told me to wait for the manager. so i sat and i continued to talk to her, turned out shes from Austin and is just here for the summer. so the manager came down, i stopped talking to her and talked to the manager. so then i left . as i left i remembered i forgot to say bye to her and whatnot. so i called th eplace up and asked for her, i remembered her name from the name tag thingy. so i called asked for her and i talked to her and i asked what she was doing that night and what not, and she said nothing. so i was like ok. so i asked her for her number so we could hang out and junk. what im hoping for is that i can show her around laredo you know, since she ain't from here. just to give her something to do while shes here, not to be all coopped up in that house. She seems really sweet and nice. She rather young too. shes 15 i think she said. Anywho, maybe she can meet nora or something. would be groovy. hehe. anywho im going to go now. even though there sooo much that has happened. i cant recap it all here right now, it'll burn me out. it'll burn you out. i dotn know, plus i cant remember it all hehe. so it'll only confuse you. icky poo, anywho, im back, so read on..... bye for now! :-)
Time Journal Opened:
5/15/2003 1:47:26 AM
.Succinct Melancholic Me.
Well what can I say, two more days of high school. Yup then that’s it for me. Turned out that graduation is on the 30th, which is, I think, a Friday. Anywho this last journal entry is to let you all know that this is my final entry for now. I’m not too sure if I’ll be able to get my hands on a copy of Microsoft Frontpage. And if I do, I would still need another computer to put it on. Because the one I got at home is a pile of shit. Yea. If I don’t update this thing in a month or so email me. I’ll probably start a journal at deadjournal.com or freeopendiary.com one of the two, and I’ll let you know if you email. If not, then I guess, your loss? Hehe. But, this journal entry ain’t only about this. Remember my brother. Well my mom got word from one of her friends, that he had seen him out on the streets of Laredo asking for money like a bum. Yup, he is about to hit rock bottom. Oh well. Hope he don’t come back. So now, Annie. Well I believe I’m getting over her. Best thing to do for both of us. And she was right, I am going to meet someone else, and forget about her. She was just a mere friend. Never more than that. I guess its safe to assume that I was “physically attracted”. Could be wrong, and that’s not the way I wanted to be attracted to her. But things are such. She went came to Mirando on the bus today. I heard laughing on the bus. I got off at the same stop as she. But we didn’t say see ya later or anything. Just kept walking. She’ll usually call to my house. So I stayed off the net. But she never called. I fell asleep. Woke up at 7. Nobody called.
Went out for a drive. Talked to Nora. Always a plus. Always fun to talk to her. Although I stumble to find things to carry a conversation about. I guess that’s why things wouldn’t work out. Or maybe we just need to spend time together. Yea. I wouldn’t mind spending more time with her. I met a girl online. Her name is Yajaira. She is fun. Hyper active. Seems to understand me. Shes 20. Goes to college. Shes pretty too. I like her a lot. I spoke to Holly. We had a short conversation on books. I’m going to give her some of my collection. She was originally looking for a Tom Clancy novel. Judith is gone I think. To Pennsylvania to see her brother graduate. Lucky her. Chrissy and Jayk are still annoying. Nessa was being cute. She pretended to be a kitten on my lap. So she would put her paws on my nose and lips. This is lacking, its sluggish. Fatigue. Halfway decent. Annie doesn’t have the internet anymore. Her mother I guess took it away from her. Many people noticed my melancholy mood today. Annie tried to get me out of it, by shaking my head and punching me. I was playing guitar. I was deep in thought. It didn’t work. I got hyper somewhat, and I started to play with her. Marinka wondered why my words were so succinct. She asked about anything to do with Annie. Nope. Something is bothering me. Don’t know what it is. Just something. I need some sort of excitement. Cant wait for school to be over. Cant wait to graduate. Summer coming along. I haven’t have a girlfriend since…. Hm… I’m guessing Athena. Yea back during football season. Well towards the end of it. Just be stuck on Annie. Yea all year long. Damn. I forgot what I thought about her when I was with Athena. Wish I felt like that again. Get out of my head. I need a place to be and sit. I wish I could play the guitar like a fucking professional. If I could I would play songs and sing all day. Fuck everyone. And everything. Learning new songs would be my passion and my life. Melancholy. Lazy. Sleepy. Confused. Fucked. 2 am… Dreams are made of: waterfalls, trees, clouds, blues and greens. Silence is deafening.
Time Journal Closed:
2:07:49 AM
Time Journal Opened:
5/13/2003 11:53:45 PM
Depresses me, depresses you (more than likely)
Its Tuesday, and well things aren’t so great today. But most of the time you use this journal to vent that feeling right. So what do you expect? Let me start off with what just happened. In fact let me let you in on something that perhaps I never mentioned. It’s a part of my life and its something I have to deal with. I got one younger sister named Ana and an older brother name Beto. Now my little sister shes 14, I’m 18, and my older bro is 25 or something. My brother is by far the more interesting person in my family. Not because he’s smart or invented something or something of that nature. But it’s his lifestyle. He’s a druggie and a drunk. He’s been thru almost every drug, crack, cocaine, weed, pills, everything. He cannot drink one beer, he has a habit of getting drunk. That’s just it. He cannot support himself at all; much less someone else. He borrows money from my mother, for his filthy habits. He throws away our hard earned money. He gives it to people, the scum of the earth just to satisfy his crappy habit. And truth is it hurts us all. My father, hes the one that provides for us, yet this in a way seems like hes giving him money and saying go do drugs, go fuck up your life. It hurts my father , I’ve seen him cry before. My brother finds sneaky ways of getting money out of my parents anything and everything. “I need gas money”, and then he never returns. He’ll pawn crap, sell his driver license, the sticker for his truck, just to get that damn drug. I think he should die. I hope he ODs again! I hate this I really do. And I know what your saying you shouldn’t wish that upon him. But truth is, it hurts a lot to keep him around, but it’ll hurt when hes gone to. But then when hes gone the hurt wont be so long. But I don’t know. He is my brother. I gotta deal with it. And now we turn to my little sister. She has to live thru this drama. My father and mother get into bitter fights with my brother who at times is all coked up and very aggressive. One time I had to fight him when he fought my uncle. And to tell you the truth, when I was young I had someone to look up to, and I grew used to that. But then it all went to shits. But I, being adaptive, grew out of it. I needed no one to look up to. I was myself, I was 10 when this happened. I was old enough to look after myself. So I did. Then about 4 years ago it hit me. What about my little sister? She needs someone to look up to in her early years until she can carry on by herself. So I became the person I am now. Now this leads me to think, should I thank my brother for being one fucking idiot? Nah. Its more of a serendipity, if that is safe to say. But how I wish he would go away, just go live his own damn life and stop tormenting us. I mean hes a great guy when hes sober. He is a master mechanic and great worker. Its just that when it comes to partying he does it to foolishly. Ah well, I’m leaving soon, if he won’t leave I will. But my little sister; shes grown up already. She knows whats wrong with my brother. She knows what she has to do. I’m going to keep in regular contact with her. I love her. The tear falls. I’ll be fine.
Moving on… I got really pissed earlier today. And reason behind it. Some stupid whore named Veronica. One of Annie’s friends. It wasn’t Annie that pissed me off, it was Vero. She is persistant and kicks you more when your down already. Annie tried to comfort me but in the presence of the witch. That just doesn’t work. And it gets me to think, Annie isn’t very independent. Shes always with that fat beasy named Linda, or around someone. Never have we sat down and just talked. It was always me, her and someone else. I guess that’s just her. She has to have her friends around to “protect” her. Or maybe she is independent and those around her ain’t? We’ll find out when we go to college. I felt harrased by Veronica, she hugged me when I was mad and made it worse. She told me she loved me when I was pissed. Made it worse, I swear I could have bashed her head into the wall. Yup, and to think I thought these last days would be dandy. But now me and Annie aren’t standing on the same lily pad. Shes off somewhere in the turbulent water. 3 more days till Friday our last day of school. How it nears.
On a lighter note, I went to Laredo today. Me and Jayk were planning this since yesterday. He needed to go get measured for his tuxedo and get a hair cut for this Saturday (Prom night, which has another story). Anywho it took forever for him to choose a tux. We finally got out went to get his haircut. There was a line, but it was fun there. Then we went to China Bo, it’s a Chinese restaurant. We ate like pigs. Buffets are nice. On the way home though. I couldn’t move in the seat I was stuffed, he couldn’t switch gears he was stuffed too. Hehe. But on the way home we were listening to The Ataris “So Long, Astoria” album, and well “In This Diary” came on and we sang along, but I got to thinking a lot of crap, its words and lyrics just rang something within me. Then Jayk goes “this is our class song” so I hope it does become our senior class song. “being grown up isn’t half as fun as growing up”… yea. Gave me a weird feeling and a pain in my throat as if I were to cry. Then I remembered. I have to prepare a speech for the graduation. I’m historian. So yea I need to get to work on that, I’m going to get Mrs. Bozada to help me out on that one. I mean I might as well just try to go up there and do all impromptu. I do well on my toes.
Anyways the story about prom. Well ok, after school I took Cici and Yvette home with me. Well Jayk (I knew he would do this when he found out I wasn’t planning on going) he convinced Cici and Yvette to go. So they want me to go now. But thing was I was planning on going, but then I changed my mind. They thought it was because Annie wasn’t going. But its not that. I just don’t want go. So they got it in their heads if they persuade Annie to go to the prom that that will make me show up. So we talked about it on the way home, and I told them no matter what, I’m not going to go. And if Annie does go out and do stuff that night (they had this idea of ditching prom and going out with a group of friends, which they invited me) maybe I’ll be tempted to go with them. But Linda has been giving Annie crap that her mom wouldn’t let her go so Annie is mad about that. Annie said she thinks she’ll be the only one going out. I come to think of it, I really do want to see Annie in her prom dress. God she looked so wonderful last year. I’m drooling again. I’m hopeless. I really am. I feel like shit. I am shit. I make stupid moves. But I don’t realize it till its too late. Oh well. Poor little tormented me. Gotta cope with what I got. And when I come to it, and think about it, I have had someone here for awhile. Nora, shes kept me sooo much company and shes soo sweet. I know she likes me. And I like her too. Were getting closer. We flirt a lot. Shes very open minded, sociable, understanding, and caring. Shes really what I’ve needed right now. And shes done much more than just make me happy. I think this summer she and I will be spending a lot of time together. And this seems promising. I think the answer is to forget Annie right? Or get over her? If so, then Nora is one to do this for me. Maybe then I can love Nora to a full 100%. Ah heck I’m really really sleepy, I need to sleep.
Oh by the way, I still have my laptop. I should be turning it in on Friday or something. So I’ll have it for two more days or so. But um Fate has a funny way of working.
Time Journal Closed:
12:41:56 AM
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Time Journal Opened: Sunday, May 11, 2003 10:05 PM There's just something about a guitar and the night. Gee… where to start… I haven’t written since last Sunday or something. Yea. Well lets start with the stuff immediately after last time I wrote. Hmm, not much I can remember. Just that I took two tests. Ap Spanish and the Ap English test. Both were dicks! They sucked, they were hard. Anything between that I really don’t remember. Stuff was kinda slow and uneventful. I took my Senior pics on Thursday, so I went to school half a day. Then well Friday I had to get out of school and race to Laredo for the Prom, which I think I didn’t mention before. Anywho, I came home to mirando to clean out the truck a bit, no time for washing the whole thing. So I finished about 4 or so. I took off to Laredo and I got there and I spent about 2 hours in traffic. It sucked. I finally got home showered in like 10 mins (fastest shower I ever taken by the way lol) started to get ready, but then I said slow down, and sit. Becuz then my body would get all worked up and I would be sweating all over again lol. That’s another thing. Fucking weather! 106 degrees with a humidity of like 90%! I swear I hated it. Anywho I got ready, went to go pick up Tammy (my date) she looked nice, went to the prom, took pictures, sat around, saw some people I knew, said hi, danced, took her home, she went to the after bash I didn’t. Turned out Tammy got drunk, but it was boring she said lol. Anywho I went to Judith’s house after I dropped off Tammy. I called Judith up, and she was barely getting home, so I said I’m going to tease her bout not having a date for her prom. So I went to go see her, in my tux hehe at like 1 am mind you.. And we talked, and it was fun. It was really cool, that reminds me, that day I went to take my pictures. Well I took off Wednesday night, and well I went to Judith’s house that night, and I played my guitar for her, it was really awesome, it got really quiet, and she listened to me play, and I watched her as she just thought about things. The night becomes so quiet, so still, so peaceful when it serves as the medium for which the sounds I had created travels thru. Then it hit her ears, as well mine, we sat there, thinking and then I started wondering what she was thinking about. There’s just something about a guitar and the night. So ok, I got home after prom and after seeing Judith I knocked out. I woke up about 1 in the after noon on Saturday. I ended up going to Mundo’s and returning my tux. Well later on that night at 10. Mundo and I went to go see X-men United! That movie is fucking awesome. I loved it. Now today I didn’t do much. Kinda like yesterday hehe. I just came home pretty much it. But yea I haven’t really talked to Annie much. I was right now. We have fun. We cool. We haven’t argued. I guess this is sad. I measure the status of our relationship whether we argue or not. Am I right for doing that? Ah heck I don’t know. Hehe. You know I guess when there isn’t much argument or some kind of “entropy”, this life just doesn’t seem so, happening. When everything is dandy, what is there to complain about, what is there to bitch about. I guess its safe to say that sadness or turmoil, makes you look deep inside, bring what bothers you out, and makes you look at it. But when you pull it out of your body, you just so happen to pull out other things. Then you see that those other things are malfunctioning as well. I mean, like being all pissed off all the time, that won’t help you much, but when that confusion/sadness has a direct reason for it, that’s when it can make more sense. Do you get me? Now as for you anonymous readers go. I think there are now two of them. One likes and one dislikes. Cool! Hehe. Oh yea. This laptop I use to maintain my website, is going back to the school. I borrowed this computer a long time ago and never gave it back, now that I graduating, I need to give it back so this might be my last entry for awhile. Until I get another computer with Microsoft FrontPage on it. Or if I manage to learn how to use the webshell from angelfire. But if you don’t see me updating soon, in maybe about a week, feel free to email me, this in turn might force you to reveal yourself. But its your call, if not its been fun keeping you interested. Bye Time Journal Closed: 5/11/2003 10:51:07 PM
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<-- click to see a list of my hates and loves
Time Journal Opened:
5/4/2003 10:24:28 PM
A weekend full of... happenings:)?
So Friday, I left for Laredo right after school. I didn’t do much over there lol. Hehe. But the highlight of that day was that night. I met Nora, at the IHOP parking lot. Lol. At about 3 am. Hehe, her friend and her sister were hungry. So they went inside to eat, while we chilled outside talking. Shes really awesome. Shes cute too :D. We talked about work, school, stuff I don’t remember lol. Yea then I went home, slept. Woke up Saturday afternoon. Hehe.
Here seems to be my anthem, a beauty of a song… its my favorite… and I think this song will stay with me for awhile…
“Foreign Language” by Anberlin
Boys speak in rhythm
Tell it to me straight, give it to me now, face forward, face forward
Boy speak in rhythm, And girls in code
Tell it to me straight, Give it to me now
Face forward face forward, Speaking foreign language
Nothing I can translate
Speaking foreign language, Nothing I can dictate
Speaking foreign language, Boys speak in rhythm
And girls just lie, Tell me how you feel
Come out of the dark And we can head back home
And don’t know where to start, speaking foreign
Nothing I can translate, Speaking foreign language,
Nothing I can dictate, Speaking foreign language
Nothing I can translate, Your speaking foreign language
Where did we go wrong, we need medication, for this miscommunication
Where did we go wrong, our conversations weakened
Boys speak in rhythm And girls in code
Boys speak in rhythm, And girls just lie
Anyways, that’s emo for you. I love it. Yea, I just got home from Laredo. And I did some studying for my AP English exam tomorrow. Yea, were really not ready for it, or maybe I can be wrong, who knows, who cares, its just to get college credit. Yea. Aside from that one, got the AP – calculus and Spanish coming up… we’ll see, I took the AP Bio one last year, on a 1-5 scale, 5 being the best.. I got a 2… lol yea. My Saturday was spent working on my truck with my bro and my friend Freddy. We started to work on it at about 1 or so. Things we did, were change the fuel filter… my truck has 127,000 miles on it, and it still had its stock fuel filter… that is bad… also changed spark plugs, and changed the oxygen sensor. And then the idle air sensor, we had trouble with it. We took it off, we went to all the Auto Zones, to all the auto parts stores. And no cigar. They all reffered us to the junk yards… so there we went. We went to like all 30… and no cigar but one man said he could fix the part. It just needed some wire to be soldered deep in the part. So he did it, and we went back to put it on and see if it worked… and well it seems to have worked, my truck is doing a lot better now. Oh your going to crack up with this one. Alright, my air conditioner on my truck wasn’t working that great. I mean the air coming out was cold, but the air wasn’t being blow hard… I mean it sounded like it was, but nothing. So I said there must be something wrong with the blower, so I told my brother, and hes like well take it out, we’ll look at it. So I took it out. And well I showed it to my bro he started to laugh really hard. Oh, if you don’t know what the blower looks… do you know what the big round thing in the water coolers look like? This big round cylinder that spins, Well this is a tiny version of it… and well all in the inside of it, it had this padding… made out of cigarette filters, cotton, twigs, pecan shells, and leaves. It turned out to be a rat nest! Yes a rat gave birth inside my truck in my a/c system. So I cleaned it and sanitized it, along with it, I cleaned the vents to. And sprayed Lysol in the truck haha. Yea. So I put it back… and turned it on… and it works perfectly! Hehe. Yea I’m happy with my truck. Anyways, later on that night, I went to Freddy’s house and well I got online. And I saw Holly online. And I was in the mood for an Open milkshake, so I asked her to accompany me. But she was having guy problems and she was rather teary. So her mother didn’t let her drive so she got her other friend to pick her up and I met them there at the Open. So I met Audry and David. They call him brother. And I thought Audrey was the most precious female I have ever seen. She was short and very very very cute. Her eyes and her smile were the best. She rested her cheeks on her fists and she looked soooooooo dang cute. I think she caught me staring at her eyes. They were gorgeous. She started to sing NFG’s “eyesore” and I joined in and she gave me a big smile. And I smiled back. But overall I think that group is awesome. After Open closed.(Ironic huh?) We went to Whataburger, where we met up with another friend, her name was Jamie. She was a punk she was really cool. So we all pitched in to buy her a burger. Holly, Jamie, and Audrey munched out. Me and David chilled. Then I drove Holly home, she was really out of it. She lives about 2 blocks away from my grandmas house. And as I was about to turn onto Holly’s street, Annie calls to my cell phone. So I tell her to call me in about 10 mins. To my grandmas house. So I got home, ate really quick. And she called. Talked till about 3 am I would say. It was fun. I woke up at about 11, people call so early in the morning. Hehe. Anyways, So today I gave my truck a major wash. Outside and inside. But I still need to get all the loose dirt on the floor and rocks out. So I’m not done. Oh yea my spare tire… its flat! Hahaha. You know, I’m going to put pictures of my truck on my website. Wait for it, hehe. Anyways yea, somehow, the comments are not getting sent to my email inbox. I have it set up to where, all the comments you all leave, get sent to my email box. But for some weird reason it hasn’t. Don’t worry I’ve got your messages, becuz all comments get stored on a page, that I have not linked. And I don’t know if should link it. I don’t think so, its more of an archive from all comments. So yea I got them. Now to address one of them, its fun knowing someone out there is reading every one of my entries. But I think that you remaining mysterious is really… how should I say, awesome!? lol. But although revealing yourself… would be nice. Its all up to you. And Annie left a comment as well. Shes right. She don’t care who I talk to, she just don’t want to hear about it. Its fair. Haha my father is looking for shirt he’s wearing. LOL. Stupid guy. oh yes I forgot to mention, my catalytic converter. I’m going to get it cut off. It should increase my engines output. And well the sound won’t change much. All the catalytic converter does, is filter out the smoke and is the pollution control. Big whoop hehe. So yea it’ll increase the power of my engine. Its not that expensive either. 20 bucks for it. Not bad. My mom knows someone who owns a muffler shop, so we might get a better price. Not like we need it but still. Maybe we might get it for free or something. Yea. And my friend Jayk who was up at UIL state in Austin, he got 4th overall! So I was happy for him really happy. He called me early in the morn and he let me talk to Micah. She was there too, she got 1st. dang. But Jayk was telling me how Mr. Soliz was saying that if I were to ask Micah to the prom, and if she said yes, that they would get me a rental car, and pay for me to go all the way to Rocksprings to pick her up! lol. So I asked her when her prom was, it happened to be on the same date as ours. So that sucked lol. This journal is kinda missing the deeper part to it. All I can come up with right now. Is that my thinking and my mind isn’t Annie anymore. Good? I don’t know. Although I want to get to know Audrey a lot more, Shes very interesting. Holly invited me to hang out with them more often, and maybe something could happen between me and Audrey, so that’s what Holly said… hm… lol. Wonder if Audrey thought anything of me. Don’t that get you sometimes. When you meet new people, don’t you just want to know what they thought of you? And if they feel the same way you do? Hm… I guess that’s the wonder of the human mentality. This is poorly organized. I think. Well the journal. I don’t know. Ah heck I have no energy to revise it and look over it. So bear with me. Hehe. Thanks. Laters all
Postscript- To reveal or not to reveal? Tis the question. Oh and you “want” to shake my hand? Can I ask why? Hm.. that sounds a bit vain… hehe, pardon me. I make no sense.
Postscript 2- Holly trusted me to take her home late at night. I felt good. It was awesome. I hope she felt comfortable riding with me, or maybe she didn’t even think about that considering all the guy problems she was having. I really wished Audrey would have came with me on the way from the Open to Whataburger, I wanted to show her that “forgein language” song. Yea… goodnight.
Time Journal Closed:
11:23:29 PM
Time Journal Opened:
Thursday, May 01, 2003 4:47:09 PM
More than likely I'm wrong. But then again I'm entitled to being wrong, I'm really stupid for fucking up awhile back.
I fucking hate this shit. Its like a goddamn cycle. Yea its about Annie again. I don’t know, but I’m sure she loves the attention I give to her. I might be wrong. But anywho. It just gets to me how I have no conversations, no interaction with her at school. The only time I talk to her is online. Yup, its an online relationship, so that is what it seems. It saddening… but my chances of meeting someone from another town maybe another state and taking her out to dinner, is more likely to happen than with Annie. Seriously. And I told this to my friend Judith and this is what she had to say
Judith says:
mmm she's playing games, dude
Judith says:
and people don't play games if they care
And that has
a lot of truth. Does it not? If not then tell me. She also told me to meet new
people. And truth is, back in the day, I always met new people, every weekend “I
met this girl…” and Annie would get sick and tired of it. And then I started to
develop maturity I guess. Or something. But I started to pay more attention to
Annie. But things would happen, where I felt like nothing would come of us, so I
met more other people, and I kept it to myself, didn’t say much to Annie about
it. But yea… so now I have been at a place and time where I haven’t met new
people. Why? Because of her. And well, now with the mentality Judith has given
me, I should meet somebody new. But how do I go at it. I lost my touch for
meeting people. Moving on, yesterday, Annie and I were talking and she mentioned
that I would forget about her when I go to college. And I told her that I don’t
forget people I love, and or loved. And she got I guess… I don’t her cheeks
turned red or something. Anywho, maybe shes pushing me away now, so I won’t feel
so strongly for her when we do go away? I doubt shes trying to do me a favor.
Maybe its her way of saying, I don’t want you closer. “stay an online friend”
fuck that. I don’t know. This morning I was online, she didn’t even say hi or
anything. I was like ok whatever. Then I went to school, I went to go jus bug
her… she got mad becuz she was reading and took off to go sit by herself… yea…
her little troll Linda wasn’t there. She left for state. I hope she falls and
breaks her ankle or something. Short fat fucking beast. Angry? Yes I am!!!! You
know… I do waste my time… a lot of it. Sheesh… what to do… where to go… who to
meet… waste my time on Annie? Waste my time on writing this? Waste my time..
how?! I’ll tell you thing… I’m surely wasting my hate on that… thing over there.
And what surprises me is that, that little hound isn’t going to college nearby
where Annie is. Its shocking for once somehow I’ll be closer to her than old fat
hound over there. I guess that’s one of my mistakes huh, not getting along with
her best friend. Its like trying to knock on a door to get someone to respond…
but they have a dog in their yard. So maybe you get a piece of meat to feed the
dog while you go knock on the door. Hm… Linda does like to eat a lot…
…
hahaha.. I feel better now… you know all that ragging on Linda makes feel a lot
better now. Just like she gets a kick pissing me off… I get mine too… anywho…
I’m going now… sleep… yes… laters all.
P.S. I still wonder who you are, your last message was really clever. Although I do gather you are of an older reader. Anywho, thanks for reading.
Hehe she just signed on… and said hi… hm…
Time Journal Closed:
5:13 PM
Shortly after journal closed:
She keeps saying fuck you... but she joking!? and she smiles...
Time Journal Opened:
4/29/2003 12:23:21 AM
What the hell is wrong with my head?! It might be the lack of sleep... huh?
Well it’s kinda late in the evening. And I am tired, so please excuse me if this is not so great. Anywho let me start with the more obvious as always. Things have been odd as of late. I get these anxiety attacks mixed in with depression. I think I’m stressing out the whole college thing. I don’t know why, but I’ve been one that has never been afraid to change, to leave, to make myself independent. But for weird reason, I get to thinking about UTSA… I get nervous and I get this feeling, I feel afraid. My stomach then turns and makes a noose with my intestines and hangs itself, or something. I lose my appetite (which at this point, might be a good thing; I need to lose some weightJ). Now the depression I don’t where the hell that comes from. I’m not normally depressed, but recently yes. I’ve been thinking about why. And I have come to the realization that all I think of is Annie, and that nothing will ever come of it. I’ve looked at maps; calculated to distance from San Antonio to Brownwood (Annie is going to HPU, which is in Brownwood, TX). The distance is 188 miles. I really wish it was like 30 miles or something, but that’s the way things are. Am I going to visit her. Sure, I’ll try to, my hardest too. But there are no guarantees. And I find myself at ____________.com almost everyday looking to see if Annie “did” anything. But only recently, I was blown away… I shouldn’t be talking about this… moving on… sorry. I’m doing that to protect the privacy of a loved one. Anywho, things have been going bad too. Let me list -- 1.) my truck is a piece of shit 2.) My graduation invitations have my name card as “Adam James Salinas, Jr.” WTF?! I’m not JR!!!! 3.) Annie and I won’t ever be a couple 4.) My hair needs to be cut 5.) I got stopped by a DPS, and got a ticket for no seatbelt and no liability (yes that sucks and this is what I say “FUCK!!!!!”) hm let me think is there a 6.)… oh yea I got a hang nail. That’s always good L. 7.) I wanted a pet ferret but chrissy had to burst my bubble by telling me they are not allowed in dorms. 8.) my cell phone don’t work … I think that’s all, yea.
I’ve kept myself entertained though. My trusty guitars… ah yes… my only best friends… Ms. Alvarez and Ms. Takamine. They make such beautiful tunes. I don’t know if you know but guitars are like females. Theres a poem out there called “The Guitarist Tunes Up” by I forgot who, but the author compares the guitar to a woman. Which I can see, but when I voice this they laugh at me, I guess becuz its coming from “me”. Anywho, they are like a woman, they have the curves like that of a woman, the “neck”; if touched correctly, meanwhile strumming the belly button (the strings), make such wonderful sounds… if touched wrong… then its just horrible. And the tuning machines of a guitar are like the make up and accessories women wear. Finely tuned… sounds better, as well as finely dressed… ah I don’t know what I’m talking about.
I still don’t know if I’m going up to Austin with my friend Jayk for the UIL comp. Annie asked me today if I was going, but I had to tell her I didn’t know. I mean I don’t want to go up to Mr. Soliz and ask “hey can I go”, when really I didn’t make it, I’m not supposed to go. If he wants me to go he’ll ask me to go. If not well then I’m staying here.
My weekend was alright, spent it with Marc and his bro. They used to go to school out in Bruni, but then they moved to Laredo. Anywho them two, me and my friend Jordan went to some guys crashed there, ate his munchies, watched tv, and left about 5 am or so. Slept a lot. Received a scholarship. Mirando City had this huge reunion, and they were raising money for a scholarship, they planned to give it to the highest ranked Mirando City citizen in the senior class. That happened to be me. How much is it? I think its about 1,000 bucks or so. Glad I got it.
Hehe, I got this program from my msn messenger, it allows a lot of crap. But one feature is that you can assign an mp3 song you got on your computer to any person. So when they sign in, instead of the normal DING, it’ll start playing a snipet of the mp3 song you put… so the messenger gets very personalized. Well I did that for Annie, I put “want you bad” by the offspring. And well that songs starts off pretty loud.. so when she signs in, my computer goes off in a frenzy, its really cool. Hehe. Interested in the program. Its called Messenger Plus! 2
http://msgplus.patchou.com/ . Was there any significance between the song name and Annie you ask? More than you think… look up the lyrics… ah what the hell let me post ‘em here.
If you could only read my mind
You would know that things between us
Ain't right
I know your arms are open wide
But you're a little on the straight side
I can't lie
Your one vice
Is you're too nice
Come around now can't you see
I want you
All tattooed
I want you bad
Complete me,
Mistreat me
I want you to be bad bad bad bad bad
If you could only read my mind
You would know that I've been waiting
So long
For someone almost just like you
But with attitude, I'm waiting So come on
Get out of clothes time
Grow out those highlights
Come around now can't you see
I want you
In a vinyl suit
I want you bad
Complicated
X-rated
I want you be bad bad bad bad bad... bad
Don't get me wrong
I know you're only being good
But that's what's wrong
I guess I just misunderstood
I want you
All tattooed
I want you bad
Complicated
X- rated
I want you bad
I mean it
I need it
I want you bad bad bad bad bad...bad
really really bad
I LOVE THAT GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST WANT TO HUG HER REALLY TIGHT FOR LIKE A DAY!....... oh and to that person reading this… could you reveal your name to me, or some sort of hint of some sort, how old are you, where you from, do you know me personally, have you ever shaken my hand??....
I dont get tired of writing about her.... sheesh
Time Journal Closed:
4/29/2003 1:00:34 AM
Time Journal Opened:
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 23:30:54
(part of the cover art of new album,
Metallica©)Well, I’ve been meaning to update this mess, but I just never got around to it. After I got a message from an unknown reader, asking me to update more often, I got around to it. So yea, here I am. So to fill you in on what is happening. I’ve been out of it. I have not been myself. I’ve been acting weird. I mean I know its happening but I cant do much about it. It’s just a mental thing. I don’t know if its Liz’s presence or the thought of her. I don’t know. Anywho if you read past entries, you know how I feel about that “territorial hound” Linda. Well she didn’t fail today. She succeeded in pissing me off again. What happened, was I was online talking to Annie all cool. Well she then says “Linda came to pay me a visit” so I was like grumbling “oh great”… and from that moment on, things came crashing down. Well lets not jump to the end just yet. Well I told Annie I’m going to try to learn “Everything” by Stereofuse, so one day I could play it for her… maybe sing it for her. (It used to be her favorite song, but I tried to learn a long time ago, then I got in a fight with her and I stopped listening and playing it) And so I was off to it. I listened to it over and over, and played to it and all that. Then I replied to a message she left, and then I thought it being her... she replied harshly, saying that I do things for my own benefit but use the excuse that I’m doing it for someone else. And I got pissed off; I mean I sat there for a long amount of time, trying to devote my ears, my heart, everything to learning that damn song for her! I mean how the fuck would it benefit me, where I really don’t like that song. Anywho I got pissed. But it turned out Linda was the one that was typing that shit. So Annie tried to talk to me, but it wasn’t the same, I mean I know it wasn’t her who said it… but its hard to be pissed then be “oh.. hi!!!:-D” so she started to say things like take it out on me… so that got me to an even worse stage… so yea then I told her I was going to go do something productive outside and that I didn’t want to talk to her. So she got off as well. So the rest of the day I spent kind of in a slump, then I went and got on my truck and went offroading… that was what I needed… so then I got back… got online.. and then she got online later… she didn’t talk to me, until I said hi. But I don’t think that went to well… oh well, yea then I was talking to Chrissy and she told me that Jayk was on his way home from Laredo (he went to the doctor to get his heart checked… damn asthmatic… lol) so Chrissy wanted to go offroading as well, so they came over… and we went, but for a short while, Jayk had to be home. Oh yea Jayk got an awesome fucking car! It’s a Hyundia Tiburon, its all black, with black leather interior, standard V6, with a nice stereo system. I love his car, I think I might steal it J hehe. Anyways. So yea they left I went inside, took a shower, my mom got home, I ate dinner, got online, and here I am now. Listening to “Like a Stone” by Audioslave. They suck they really do, but that song is good. By the way. Metallica’s New album is coming out June 10th. Its called “St. Anger”. I hope its awesome, but Metallica can never let me down. They are awesome. OK OK, getting sidetracked here. I started to read about MTV’s Icon: Metallica. The people paying homage to Metallica is Avril, sum 41, limp, linkin. This will air May 6th… I’m going to record that! Hehe. Oh and remember Christie… well shes broken up with her boyfriend. She says that shes destined to be alone. Humph… I don’t know. I made up my mind to do to UTSA. Yup, that’s my future. San Antonio… Jayk will be close by as well… so I don’t know. Yea… anywho, I gotta go to bed now… I’m taking the bus. I’m leaving my truck here. Too much gas… oh well… gotta go. Laters all. And to that person who wrote me… I don’t know who you are. But I appreciate the fact that you read this and you want more. Goodnight
Time Journal Closed:
Thursday, April 24, 2003 00:01:29
Time Journal Opened:
4/16/2003 12:29 AM
Will we wait forever, or jus till the stars come out. Will we ever see December? Or will the summer jus wash us away?
Its been awhile yet again, but I must agree with Annie, “time flies when your having fun”. I got much to say and I have been doing much debating in my head too. Lets start off with the more material things. Christie got back with her boyfriend almost simultaneously as i posted the past entry. What else? We went up to Brenham for our Regional UIL thing, where I didn’t advance my computer decided to be a dick head and give me an illegal operation after I did all my work and didn’t save. So I didn’t get to advance to state. But my friend Jayk got third. So hes going. He got beat by this girl that I was talking to, I met her last year, we got along really well, and I saw her and surprisingly she came up to me. So we talked and junk, but I didn’t make it and she did, so I thought I wasn’t going to be able to see her anymore… but then jayk told me that mr. soliz is going to take me up to state, as a “freeloader” lol.. to provide comfort and help out jayk with stuff. That should be fun, so yea I get to see Micah. Anywho, Linda got 2nd in lit crit. So shes going with us to state as well, and that’s it. Only two people made it to state this year.. but you see, Annie and Linda are inseparable so I’m hoping they will take Annie, like they are taking me… but who knows… anywho yea up there in Brenham Annie and me spent a lot of time together, we hung out… watched tv as I layed on her lap, tickled her a lot (that was fun), ate at restaurants together… yea it was good, but theres something… something I want to see, or tell, or feel. I don’t know. Ok here I start questioning, I start delving deeper into my thoughts. Throughout the time we spent together, it jus felt right. It felt good. Laying my head on her stomach and faintly hearing her heartbeat was by far the greatest thing. Times when we tickled each other, was not only fun but a bonding moment maybe… I admit I like to be touched… but her touch is different. Somewhere in between her holding on to my finger for 30 secs, her finger digging into my sides, me staring into her eyes, hugging her feet, and her almost falling asleep by my side… somewhere I felt a since of sincerity in me, something that made me feel that putting my hand atop hers was right, but I didn’t. That same something, like a tidal wave wiped away the tall buildings of past thoughts, bustling streets of worries, and crowded lobbies of “I think I love you”. I know she don’t see it this way, nor does she feel the way I do, why because she don’t think like me, she don’t fall like me. But thing is I fell a long time ago, and I battle with thoughts of her. Constantly. All the time, its her. I try to make her happy, but I get frustrated because I think I’ll never be by her side. So I do the things to piss her off. But where did I try to run… so far away. I couldn’t, it jus seemed the farther I went away, the more I missed her so. “the higher you are, the farther you fall” she noticed all the time, when I was gone, When I tried to push her away. Shes that perceptive… so will I go on about her… yes I will.
In the pool, under the water when our feet pushed up against each other, I didn’t want it to stop. The water was hot, but it was not that warming my heart, it was you. The water was like you Annie, untamed and wild, almost boiling, you get in and get used to it, or get out and leave it. But that was my problem, I never wanted to get used to it. But I think now (late as to pain me) I’m getting it. And now I read about college, and leaving this place. Going away, so I told you that I would go see you every weekend… but how I wish that were possible. I’m staying close to home… but you don’t want to. And you say that there at that college you want to go to, (HPU) you met lots of Christian people. Great people. Its probably inevitable that you’ll meet that guy you been waiting to meet. And I’ll meet someone… but probably not as great as you. You’d be one that got away, that love that got so near as to perfect. I’d give a flower that never wilted nor died to you Annie, if only… if only. I lost it all, when I hurt you… all of it. Nothing is going to make that right again. Its just that… I got no explanation. A word cannot mend a fractured feeling.
Your close to being my goddess, one that I didn’t want to believe in. A religion I didn’t practice. (I’m not saying you’re a godly figure) All I’m saying is I wish I took the time everyday of my life to do something that made you happy, something that you wanted from me, something that would draw you closer to me. This may all sound stupid or way to premature. Its just that now feelings I probably suppressed for awhile are spewing out now. Maybe because they see it as a right time to come out, or they jus needed to. I know, again, you don’t see these feelings, and I’m sure you know some of these feelings were there, but not to what extent. Here it is. It’s not everything. There so much more. Stains upon a paper cannot capture nor display the intensity of such feelings. I just want to make you proud, and I know I’m never going to be good enough for you, because you deserve so much better than me. And that’s what kills me, that’s what makes me cry. Why couldn’t I be that much more better? Is it being better that matters? I know I messed up somewhere. But I can’t stand another fight. I’m trying hard to avoid them. IM trying to improve the things that still jive between us, polish those good things I was capable of doing. And possibly retrace and retake my steps that made me fall into a hole in a different direction. And I think I might be on the right track here. All this for just a short time, where many things exploded within my head. My smiles are hard to wipe off when I think of you. And you’re never out of mind. I know there’s a line of what feelings are right and which ones aren’t, which ones are right to be felt and which ones are jus plain wrong. I don’t know the difference right now. I wrote a song for you. I understood you when you said “its boring now”. I want to see you. I want to sit with you on some hilltop somewhere. I want to share a blanket with you. I want you to know that, when your gone, asleep, or busy; I miss you, and here I am writing again these letters to you. And I’m not sleeping. I should though. But I feel this need to express this. Right now that I’m close to closing this up… I still feel this unfinished. Annie is dynamite, and this is the aftermath. I should clean up, and get ready for more? Because I want more. But let me reiterate. This is no attempt to get a reaction from you Annie. If you do read this you know how much I love you. We’ve been through some sort of ride, up and down, and after its all said and done, we come back to each other. But will it be like this in a few months? Will we wait forever, or jus till the stars come out. Will we ever see December? Or will the summer jus wash us away?
Time Journal Closed 1:30 AM.
4/7/03
BUSY LIKE A BEE!!!!!!!!
"Wings & Thighs: shit, if I knew a girl that had wings & thighs I'de fall in love with her!!"
Been awhile yet again. so where do i start... ah yes, recently, what jus happened. Well this sunday i returned from Houston. I left on thursday, but that day we headed out to kingsville. for TAMUK, and well, we were going there becuz we had advanced in our One Act Play, we hung around there did our stuff, and we got awards, our furies got all star cast, my friend cj got honorable mention, and our mary girard got best actress (congrats to val on that one) and we advanced to regionals, along with benavides, we were hoping to ditch them there at area, but i guess not, were going to have to defeat them at regionals, or so thats what were hopin for, but anyways the day we took for oap comp. the other guys in the robotics team took off to houston, but the people in oap and robotics, took off a bit later, we took off from kingsville, at around 4 or 5... we then ate at some place where they served only pork, brisket, ribs.. and it was on a piece of wax paper, and it was damn good! then we had to go back to kingsville to pick up the laptop with the programming data for our robot. So we drove back to kingsville then finally to houston, we got there got our hotel rooms, and we checked out the hotel. This hotel was massive, one of the biggest i have ever seen in my liofe, it took like 20 mins to walk from one end to the other end, and it would probaby take 2 hours to walk every hallway... it had three pools, like 50 meeting rooms, and about 6000 rooms... it was crazy. anyways im not going to spend much time talking about it, but it was damn fun, nowhere in between cj walking out of the shower naked and doing jumping jacks in front of the tv, arguing with mrs bowers and bozada, going out to places, was there a boring moment. CJ got thrown off a tread mill, we spent sometime in a suana, ate like kings, our home was the reliant arena where we became mechanics, round after round something went out or wrong. went to dave and busters, i had never seen so many hot chicks! CJ rode a plastic horse game.. and alomost broke the thing, i cried from laughter.. it was crazy !!! he also hit on a 5 year married woman in front of her husband,.. she was tipsy.. hehe... we slept at 4 am avg. and woke up at 8 am... people tried to call us and knock on the door, but we woundt responde, if it wasnt for jayk we wouldnt have answered anyting or gotten up ever. hehe. i threw shit out the balcony window. like a binder, breakfast menu (for being damn expensive *$3.00 for one egg*) we had a spiderman climbing from balcony to balcony to get to some chicks house... cj was still prancing round naked and jacking off... which was jus wrong! lol... calling people and acting stupid. twas fun, then the competition that happened over the course of friday and saturday. Friday was practice... prelims kinda. that was fun as hell, competed against schools from all over the states.. met lots of new people (go to www.usfirst.org to see whats up, then click "first robotics" at the top) we made it to the finals so that was damn awesome! got eliminated the first round though... but yea.. then got home sunday... and now, im going to brenham for UIL regional on friday, and staying up there for One Act Play regional that happens to be at the same college that uil regional is at.. so im staying there another night.. and i wont return till sunday afternoon. yet again, so no Laredo again. and i really wanna go to laredo. to meet a few people. And i figured out that i jus want to be with someone. Im talking to this girl named Christie, and shes really great, shes tiny and cute, and she loves rock music... so that always a plus, ive known who she was for awhile now.. but shes soo awesome, and i cant help to ask does she want me that way?... then theres this girl named Monica. who supposedly has something for me, but she told me today as i chatted with her, she likes some guy named Chris. So that got me :( she says i live to far away, and that if i lived there she would be after me and there was no stopping her. And what about Annie? Shes one that i one day hate and see no use in talking to her then to loving her.. i mean i love her no matter what were friends.. but, i had it in my mind that i could be with her... which now, is pretty hopeless, i need to stop going back to saying maybe jus maybe something can happen, i have to face it nothing will happen... and so thats why i want someone to devote my time and love to... and right now im really going for Christie, there something about her, something inviting, and something sincere about her, i like the she plays and is innocent. Heart warming and promising she is. Her soul shines thru the darkness of the world, she is the light one needs to find his way thru a cave. where all souls a dark and grey and dwell in a land of shades of black... she radiates a bright flesh red, and the world around her turns bright green and bright blue. i dont know what to do, when i talk to her, i feel really happy, specially when she says cool little flirtatious things like one day i said "im going to sleep also, she asked 'with me'", i dont think no one can understand the size of my smile at that point in time! hehe, yea thats always cool, but here i'll stop... and write yet again, soon. laters all..
3/23/03
Its coming back to me now...
Well, im going to try
now to keep updating as much as i can, its been awhile since i last writ here. I
have been very busy with school and crap. It jus all of a sudden caught me. Well
where to start, i dont remember alot of things that have happened since the last
time i wrote... ok now i remember now from reading below... TMSCA state was a
blast, i ran into an a/c unit dented it, running after marissa for a starburst,
at full speed, it was either fall to the flooor and hit the ac, or keep running
and hit the glass and fall for 4 stories.... i did the math in split second...
BAM, skinned my knees really good, didnt get the starburst, and people were
laughing at me... it was cool, then CJ, was there, and well thats a whole nother
story, i do feel sorry for my friend jerry after getting HARRAssed by cj for 3
hours,, from SA to bruni. haha... CJ acted gay, and hit on jerry, i'll leave the
imagination that you have wander what he did to the poor freshmen... haha i
guess it was initiation. then... i dont remember.... um... oh yea, then it
was time to get ready for district uil., which happened this Thursday Saturday
that passed (broken into two days). but that whole week was slow passing... but
anywho i dotn remember much that happened in that week, but at the uil meet i go
1st in Computer Apps. and my friend jayk got 2nd, so we pretty much swept the
event, no one got close to our scores (314 and 305, 3rd place had a 220 score)
so now me and jayk plan to practice everyday for three weeks till regional in
Brenham at Blinn college. I dont know about jayk but my goal is to be state
champion or place either 2nd or 3rd at state. i know i can do, i know me and
jayk can sweep the state! that'll be the coolest! hehe. Anywho, this weekend was
alright, didnt do much i went to laredo, after the uil meet on saturday, it was
ok, i hung out with some friend of mine, and her friends came over and we ended
up playing guitar and singing.. which was cool. Got home and i crashed, i was
damn tired. woke up at 1 today, spent the day with mike and junk... watching a
movie, eating hot wings, and stuff, came home at about 8 or so, got online, and
here i am now, i was trying to play "angels or devils" by dishwalla on my guitar
it hink i got the verse, so im alright. Anywho, before i started to write i
cheked annie's ----, see if she ---- about me, but she hasnt even -------n
anything. But i have come to see that the only time she does ----- about me, is
when she is mad at me. But its ok, at the uil meet (on both days) i tried to
spend time with her.. it jus cant happen, you got linda going around liz like a
hound making sure no one touches her, then liz herself is really, "get away from
me"-ish, she cant sit and have a talk, she has to either be flirting, or hitting
me, i found many flaws aobut her, but thats the one that i cannot jus see past,
or deal with, its that... i guess maybe its cuz i want to be able to hold her
hand, when i want, without anyone saying anything, or someone feeling weird. Its
never going to happen, and recently im trying to not care, of what happens,
becuz no matter what i say, or what i do, i will never hold her the way i want,
i dont have enough time to become her friend, becuz it takes her forever to
trust someone, i cant get near her becuz of that "territorial hound", shes very
"get away" ish, and if you persist, she gets mad and frustrated and annoyed... i
dont wanna do that, and it hurts me the most when she says "your being annoying"
We got what, its march almost the end, then april, may, gee... two months left
til we leave, so theres no time in pursuing something thats never going to
happen anyways. or so thats the mentality that i have now. i mean i dont wanna
argue with her, nor do i want to get on her side where shes mad at me, its jus
normal, its like anyday really, i can walk past her all day at school, she wont
say hi, shell look at me but thats all, she wont look for me or anything.. and
to prove my point here... when we are friends what happens : morning i see her,
no good morning, i have her in class, nothing, then isee her 3rd and 4th period,
3rd she sits behind me, nothing yet, 4th shes out in her other little room for
art, lunch, then thats it for the day, i dotn see her anymore... thats the whole
day, but i will be one to say hey whats up, then shell talk, but thats becuz i
want something with her, but if i dont have that mentality, days can go by
before she'll come up to me and say whats up with you, why dont you talk to
me... but ah, whatever.... now jayk insists i ask her to prom again... i did
last year, she said yes, but later on i couldnt take her, she had to go with her
now boy friend or ex im not sure on their status, jeff, total dork ass, but her
mother set her up with him. so i was with no date, i was heart broken and i
didnt want to go with anyone, i planed to go alone but then elvira askedme to go
with her, where i was put on the spot by jayk and chris, and so i said yea why
not. should i ask after i said all that i have. Guess it doesnt hurt to take
her, make osme memories, maybe they'll last maybe they wont, who cares right?
dont regret anything, it wont be a waste of time or waste of breathe.. shes
worth it, shes more than worth it... right now im looking at her picture,
and my god.
yea thats her... hehe what is she doing... i dont know hahaa.. shes funny
though.... two more months to be near her... two more months, i have to be
something to her, two more months, of.....................
3-13-03
MAMMA MIA!!!!
gee, I apologize for not writing in forever. But lots of crap has happened. Since the last time I wrote. Well remember I was all crazy about Jazz. Well I met her, it was great, then I saw her again, and the feeling was gone. I didn’t feel the same anymore, what happened I don’t know. But we aren’t seeing each other anymore. We kinda broke up you know. But anywho… life does go on… yesterday was great, I went to San Antonio the whole day thru. We spent about 4 hours at the north star mall, then we went to eat, went to go watch Mamma Mia. AND MY GOD!!!!!! I LOVED IT, I WANT TO GO BACK AGAIN AND AGAIN. Yea it was the best. So anywho, I got home about 4 am. Didn’t wake till 10 or so. Went to school for the latter part of the day. It was ok, everyone was pretty much dead because of last night. So yea. Im having trouble writing right now. Ok, maybe I jus don’t want to write but I have to. So tomorrow im going to San Antonio again. But this time its for competition, TMSCA state. Its strictly math competitions. I won’t do good, math isn’t my thing but I do alright. Science is another part of the competition, science was my forte then I lost touch with it. I don’t know, hopefully I do good in that. But tomorrow we leave early somewhere about 12 or so, so were going to have some time to kick back at the hotel, that’s always a good thing. But we should return at about 10 pm Saturday night. And I really wanted this Saturday to myself to meet Jasmine (another one) because along time ago I paint balled her house, on accident, she wanted me to paintball the one next to hers.. but I got the addresses wrong, so I’m like I want to meet this person that I have never seen before. So it’ll be interesting, but it don’t seem feasible. Mainly because I’m going to be very busy this time now, district UIL next Saturday then district One Act Play the following Saturday, and then who knows after that. But I’m really busy. It’s good but then again I can’t come in here and mess around you know. Now moving on. Annie. She has let me into something no one knows, and your never going to find out what it is. She has trusted me probably this one last time, and I’m not going to fuck this one up. Annie and I, were jus on and off. All the time. It’s weird. I mean were friends, but even that is hard to maintain. Haha. I think we’re dorks. IM SLEEPY!!!!! Goodnight….
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