The Palestinians have finally inspired me. They go around claiming Israel's land as theirs.
I decided I'm gonna claim a portion of the middle east for myself too. You know, for
religious purposes. This way, they'll want to have a war over it. How else does one go about
acquiring land in the middle east. Herein lies my brilliant strategy. I get the Iraqis to
fight the Turkeys (people from Turkey would be turkeys right? or would they be turquoise?
what? turkish? nah, that sounds dumb, they're turkeys). Iraq will do this because they
discover through an anonymous tip that America never really pulled their missiles out of
Turkey during the Cold War. We still have missiles there and now they are pointed at Iraq.
Iraq will then proceed to declare war on Turkey because of their involvement in helping the
United States and because, how well does Turkey do in wars anyway? They kinda picked the
wrong team in World War I. Iraqis fight the Turkeys with suicide car bombs and their newly
developed radioactive anthrax soldiers. Then the Turkeys counterattack with the American
missiles until Iraq is nothing but a big crater. Eventually both sides are wiped out from
this war leaving nothing but prime land in the middle east for me. I don't want Iraq though.
America can carve it up and deal it out to various corporations like Wal-Mart, Best Buy, and
Sea World. I am claiming my land in Turkey. I think I'll change the name of Istanbul again.
It will now be named Kickass Town, because who wouldn't want to live in Kickass Town? Then
I'd have to develop a capitalist economy of sweatshop factories full of 6 year
old children so the Western devils will not assume that I run a terrorist country and
therefore not proceed to bomb the holy hell out of me. Well now that I've set up the
for acquiring my country and a basic economy, I'll have to make a tour guide and a travel
brochure, along with various theme parks to attract wealthy Americans who want to feel brave
for visiting the middle east for their summer vacation.