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My version of sex education. If I had my way, they'd teach this in public school to sixth graders. And then they'd further explain it through demonstration in Catholic Sunday School across America.

"The List"



  • Arabian Sunglasses: When you cover each of her eyes with a ball sack
  • The Ball's Eye: Shooting your load directly into the centre of a chick's eye. Going two for two (i.e.: getting both eyes) is referred to as the Deuce, as in "I deuced my wife before she went to work this morning". The receiver of the Ball's Eye is then referred to as being Cock Eyed or having Cum Eyes as in, when she arrives at work her male co-worker could say, "Hey, I like your Cum Eyes you ugly bitch"
  • Beef Curtain [n] : The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-doh for an hour or so of jimmy-jam (a.k.a. Beef Drapes, Meat Tarp, Piss Flappers, Quim Nuts, Vertical Bacon Sandwich).
  • The Beetle: When you put your index finger in a girl's ass, and your thumb in her pussy and squeeze the two fingers together, like a beetle's pincers. Variations include the Japanese Monster Beetle, wherein you use three fingers in the ass, or Pac-Man, where you put all four fingers up the ass. An extreme version is the Florida Gator, where you get one hand up the ass, and one in the pussy.
  • Black Freddie: Taking a dump on your partners chest. Variation: The Hot Plate - First taking a piece of plastic wrap, laying it on the other persons chest, and pinching a loaf on it.
  • The Brodie: As named for Brodie Bruce of Mallrats. While a girl is mouthifying your wang, cut a fat burning fart, then hold her head in position so she must inhale the nastiness.... Beware, she may bite in revenge.
  • The Bronco: You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits and or a large lock of hair as tight as possible and yell another girl's name or say "Ya know your by far the ugliest girl I ever fucked". This gives you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.
  • The Burning Amazon: Setting fire to a girl's pubes. a.k.a. the Flaming Amazon.
  • Captain Redbeard: Doing her doggy style, spit on her back. She'll turn around and smile and then you shoot your load in her eye. In shock, she'll put her hand up to cover her eye and you yell "Arrrrrrrr" in your best swashbuckling voice.
  • Carpet Sweeping: Fucking a girl wheelbarrow style and walking backwards, dragging her along the carpet so as to "sweep the carpet"
  • The Cherry Danish: Cumming in a girl's face then punching her in the nose. a.k.a. Jelly Doughnut Variation: Chocolate Danish (self-explanatory)
  • The Chili Dog: You take a shit on a girl's tits and then proceed to tit fuck her.
  • The Cleveland Steamer: Mentioned below in The Fountain of You. After dumping your load on and around her chest--you position your ass just above your own pool of soup and sit in it, full weight, possibly causing her to gasp for breath. You then pretend to be pulling the whistle cord on a genuine Cleveland steam ship. As you make the loud noise you slide in your spunk from her chest to her bush smearing a spunk trail on her body in your wake. This can be done with the male facing either direction. The more authentic the steam whistle sound, the better.
  • Consolation Prize [n] : When you take a girl home from the bar, thinking you're going to get laid, and from all of the drinks you've been feeding her all night long, she passes out on the bed right before you get your pants off. To get revenge, you jerk off and spray your load all over her back. Even though you lost and didn't get laid, the satisfaction you got is almost as good, hence the term consolation prize.
  • Coyote: This occurs when you wake up in the room of someone nasty and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around them. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
  • Donkey Punch: Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head. This should give you a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.
  • The Dirty Sanchez: A time honoured event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it out, and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name could be Dirty Sanchez. A very popular European variation of this manoeuvre called "The Hitler" involves a simple shit smudge under her nose, replicating the look of Hitler's moustache.
  • The Fish Eye: From behind, you shove your finger in her ass, thereupon she turns around in a one- eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing. At that point, you have received a "Fish Eye." ALT: When you're fucking a girl doggy style and out of the blue you stick it in her ass, the look she gives you when she turns around is the fish eye.
  • The Flying Camel: As she is lying on her back and you aare hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like you would imagine a flying camel to sound like. Strictly a class move.
  • Fur Ball: You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, you don't mind though, that is until a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
  • The Halmstad Hook: As mentioned above in Felching. This is a unique sequence of events named after a town in Sweden, where this apparently happens quite frequently. After dumping your spunk in her rear, the sauce is sucked out of the anus by the male. Once the sauce has transferred from her bowls to your mouth--the product that has been created is now known as "Swedish Cheese." The move is completed when the "Swedish Cheese" is transferred to the ladies mouth via a deep tongue kiss. You can cap this off with a swift stinging slap of her ass to show her how much you care and appreciate all her hard work.
  • The Helicopter: You attach a steel rod to a ceiling fan and a backpack and she puts the backpack on. Then you turn the fan on high and let her rotate on your cock.
  • A Hot Carl - A simple manouvre where you withdraw your shaft from the bowels of her anus and place it directly into her mouth for a cleaning. Apparently some guy named Carl first tried this.
  • Hot Lunch: When you physically shit in the girls mouth. A popular variant is the vegetarian hot lunch, in which you place saran wrap over girls mouth and then shit, so she can have the texture of shit in her mouth without coming into contact with any meat products. She then becomes the "Lunch Lady."
  • The Ice Pick: In advanced foreplay, while the man is playing with a woman's warm vagina, he proceeds to get it as loose as possible, and unexpectedly shoves an ice cube deep into the woman. The woman must then squirm and scream until the cube melts. This is great when sleeping with an ex and wanting revenge.
  • Mung 1[n, v] : Two people dig up the corpse of the recently deceased. One undresses the mungee and places his mouth over the sexual area. The other backs up and does a running jump onto the corpses chest. The second person has to eat everything that enters his mouth. Insult, seen here in context: "I'm going to mung your grandmother!"
  • New York Style Taco: Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you boot on her box. All the fixin's.
  • Pearl Necklace: Whenever you cum on the neck area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
  • Pet Shop: Inserting a small rodent such as a mouse or hamster in the anal cavity or if a woman is very stretched, in the vagina and left to roam around. The name comes from an English pop group. Also known as "The Journey of Lemmiwinks"
  • Pole Vault: Originated by ancient Romans. When the female has sucked your pole to the point of ejaculation she swiftly inserts the index finger of her right hand into your anus. This surprise causes a subtle popping out of the eyes, a natural arch to the lower back and extra propulsion necessary to clear the high bar. Bruce Jenner added this to his warm-up routine after losing to Sergie Bubka in the 1979 Olympics
  • Redwings: (n.) : One who has eaten a ragging chick out, has received his redwings.
  • The Rodeo: Its close to the Bronco. You're in college and you go out on a date with your girlfriend, you come back to have sex in your room. Four of your buddies are in the closet. As soon as you get on top of her, your buddies come out of the closet yelling RODEO! at the top of their lungs. You try to stay on her for a full 8 seconds.
  • Secret Agent: Doing her doggy style, spit on her back like the Captain Redbeard, and when she turns around shoot your load in her ear. She'll put her hand up to her ear and then you say "Secret Agent"
  • The Southern Trespass [n, v] : The Southern Trespass most frequently occurs when an over zealous (drunk) man is involved in intercourse with his lady friend. Through lack of concentration, lack of coordination, or simply because he wants to do it, the man quickly switches from the woman's vagina to the corn hole, without missing a beat. If executed properly, this act catches the female by complete surprise, stunning her like a cattle prod to the ass in a rain storm. No matter how long the man reaps the benefits of his efforts, he can now be content with the fact that he has committed the coveted Southern Trespass.
  • The Spalding: After a chick has passed out, proceed to jerk off onto her eyelids. When she wakes up it has crusted and she can't open her eyes.
  • The Stranger: Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
  • The Sweet Volcano: Squeeze a bottle of honey up her ass and then suck it dry.
  • Tumbleweed: man receives oral sex from woman whilst driving late '70s model pickup truck (with gun rack for maximum enjoyment) at anything over 20mph. upon achieving orgasm, man reaches over, opens door, and ejects woman with a brisk shoving motion.
  • The Underwater Hanging Mongoose: You're in the bathtub barely on top of the water straddled by the sides of the tub while she is banging you from underwater. Very complex move.
  • The Wounded Dragon: You start by having your woman suck on your cock till you release into her mouth, before she can spit it out you punch her in her stomach which will force your load to come out of her nose.