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My Official Christmas List

Dear Santa or the holiday armadillo, I would like the following things for Christmas:
  1. Katie Holmes wearing a whipped cream bikini, like the one in Varsity Blues, with a big red bow
  2. A digital camera with at least 2.0 megapixel resolution
  3. My own country, preferably a tropical island with inlets to hide treasure. I'll call it Vdubland
  4. A castle with koopas, fire chains, thwomps, and never ending pits to protect it from pesky italians who want to jump on my head
  5. A performance fleece sweater from Old Navy, cuz girls love to cuddle guys that wear one of these.
  6. Complete dvd set of Transformer episodes.
  7. My own dot com domain name, so you guys don't have to deal with popup ads anymore.
  8. An autographed Jenny McCarthy playboy centerfold
  9. An O.G. (original gangsta, for you nonthug types) style cd with a bunch of old school rap songs by Warren G, Eazy E, Snoop, and others
  10. A garage parking spot
  11. A smite button on my keyboard for people who annoy me
  12. Never ending supply of crispy m&ms
  13. A magical fridge that's always full of O.E. and beef jerky
  14. A bag of pretzels. I just want a damn bag of pretzels. Is it too much to ask?
  15. A special chair that ejects people across the room who try to sit in my chair
  16. War on Canada, or maybe just a trade embargo and a naval blockade
  17. The ability to read minds, or at least the ability to perform the jedi mind trick, like silent bob did in mallrats
  18. A heated pool in my backyard, with a jungle setting, and a couple tigers
  19. X-ray sunglasses that can see through clothes
  20. Inspector Gadget's car
  21. A Papa Johns store to move in next door
  22. A new football coach for Texas A&M
  23. MxPx albums "Life In General", "Teenage Politics", or "Pokinatcha". I have all the other ones.
  24. Some new diadora or adidas soccer cleats...size 11