Dogs Can Teach Valuable Lessons Con't

I hope y'all are finding these as funny as I am!
- Tex

"It seems that dogs can make us laugh, even when they are trying not to.
I suggest that you put this article someplace where your dog can't get hold of it to use against you. Oh, that's right-dogs can't read."
- Eamon

LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM A DOG:

• If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
• Don't go out without ID.
• Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.
• Be aware of when to hold your tongue and when to use it.
• Leave time in your schedule for a good nap.
• When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged out from under the bed).
• If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.
• Take time out to chase butterflies.
• Don't bite the hand that feeds you.
• Be a blessing to those that you love.

MIND GAMES DOGS PLAY WITH HUMANS

• After your humans give you a bath, don't let them towel-dry you! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your human's bedtime.
• Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail betwen your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search teh house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong).
• Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. When the humans try to demonstate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
• Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee', sniff around teh entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you chose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
• Draw attention to the humans. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go 'poop'. Take time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
• When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing everytime a strange human walks by.
• Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.
• Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).
• When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.
• Wake up 20 minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning business. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside; this will drive them nuts!