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So we get home,
unload the groceries and decide to go to the library (or LYE-BARE-EE as the
kids call it). Well, we go out and pile back in the MONSTER VAN and
take off. We get to the library, renew Briana's card and go upstairs,
they check out ump-teen books and we head out to the parking lot only to
find to my complete and utter horror that a van EXACTLY like ours (except
for a blue pen stripe) is parked next to the MONSTER. Not ONLY is it
parked NEXT to it, it's parked SO CLOSE they could be siamese twins!
So I open the door and SQUEEZE in, start it, back out and discover that I
pulled in at an angle and they pulled in at an angle too, the OPPOSITE ONE.
So here I am back up and pulling forward a dozen times to try to get
straight enough to pull out without catching the rear view mirror and
scraping it down the side. ACK! |
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We finally get out of
there and start home. I get stuck at a red light and start looking
around. What do I find? An antenna control! It's got a
button to make it go up and down. COOL! |
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When I finally found
the gas gauge I thought it might be wise to put some gas in the tank if I
would like to get home. So I pull into 7-11 and pump eight bucks.
Wanna guess how much that put in? Less than a quarter tank. This
thing would probably hold over forty bucks in gas!!! If we ever wanted
to go out of town in it we'd have to refinance the house just to get enough
money for the gas it would take to get outside the city limits!!!
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I decide when we got
home that I was just going to look this thing over. This is what it's
got (that I found this time around, anyway): |
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automatic locks and
windows, |
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switch for a TV/VCR, |
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cup holders (always a
plus) in THREE DIFFERENT PLACES, |
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a cool light attached
to the front of the dash, |
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a glove box you could
lose your mother in, |
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the middle seats turn
all the way around to face the back seat (not to mention they lay back so
you can catch a quick snooze), |
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monster sun visors from
Hades, headphone jacks in THREE DIFFERENT PLACES, |
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the back seat
folds down flat into nearly a queen size bed (comfy too), TWO PLACES
for a TV/VCR jack, a/c vents over the back seat (and separate controls for
them), a handy dandy place to hang a few clothes, |
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pockets on the
back of all the seats, and last but not least, a little black and white TV
that's older than my granddaddy's underwear, not to mention fluffy, cushy,
comfy seats and wall to wall carpeting that very nearly resembles the shade
of this page. Can you say "blue is good" (because blue is Paula's
favorite color). |
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Well, by the time I get
through packing the back seat back into a 'couch' (as Rusty calls it) it's
time to leave for church. I sit through the sermon and try not to fall
asleep (I'm not able to discuss why I only got 2 hours of sleep last night,
let's just say it involved a beloved dog and some non-functioning kidneys)
so finally when we get out I walk out with Grandma to show her the van.
I climb in, switch the light switch over the visor on and LO AND BEHOLD, ALL
the lights in the van come on! I bet there's at least 10 bulbs and
they all work! HOLY COW! Now what are the chances of that?
So we pile in and come home. I'm exhausted. So tired I can
hardly stand up, but that doesn't keep me and Russell from discussing how
this day has drug on like it was a week. At this point I still haven't
decided that we're keeping the MONSTER VAN. |
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I start naming off the
pros and cons. Good points: there's enough seat belts for the
kids and ALL their friends, if I wanna take my bicycles anywhere I can, I
don't have to worry about being in a wreck and dieing (unless it involved a
train or a cliff), if we wanna go to the lake we don't have to take the
tent, there's plenty of 'leg room' for the kids (and dogs, Russell's
requirement for 'the family car'), and last, but certainly not least ...
piss me off NOW and you'll be sleeping in it. |
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Cons: I'll spend
a small fortune in gas money (depending on how far and how often I go),
parking's a pain, fabric seats aren't kid-friendly, it's MONSTROUSLY HUGE,
you could lose a small child in it, and let's not forget the most important
part ... it does NOTHING for my 'image' (insert hair flip here). So
I'm still up in the air. Then Russell spits out the ONLY five word
sentence that would make the MONSTER VAN a permanent part of the family ...
"I can work on it." |
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Okay. It's done.
Welcome to the family. Family ... MONSTER VAN ... MONSTER VAN ...
family. |
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