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List your sobriety date to the world :) Hereattitude towards AA, NA, Alanon and Alateen. They are far more, then just stopping drinking or drugging. They are spiritual programs, where we strive for spiritual progress, not perfection.
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Bill Wilson
William Griffith Wilson
(1895-1971)
Co-Founder of Alcoholics Anonymous
Born in East Dorset, Vermont. An excessive drinker on the verge of ruin, "Bill" in 1934 experienced a religious conviction that he could rid himself of alcoholism by helping other alcoholics. Having successfully counselled a fellow sufferer, "Doctor Bob S."*, he instituted the well-known self-help group Alcoholics Anonymous. "AA" meetings are still held in East Dorset's Wilson House, the hotel once run by Bill's mother and in which he was born. A non-profit organization, it still functions as a lodging and eating facility, supported largely by contribution.
See actual letters and talks by Bill Here.
Lois' words;
"I believe that people are good if you give them half a chance and that good is more powerful than evil. The world seems to me excruciatingly, almost painfully beautiful at times, and the goodness and kindness of people often exceed that which even I expect."
Lois Burhnam Wilson
Lois Burnham, the co-founder of The Al-Anon Family Groups, was born on March 4, 1891 at 182 Clinton Street, Brooklyn Heights, New York. Brooklyn Heights at that time was in character much the same that it is today, one of the most lovely areas in the Greater New York area and a desirable place to live.
Her father, Clark Burnham, was a gynecologist and surgeon and Matilda Spellman, her mother, a young woman of refinement. Dr. Burnham brought his bride to the fashionable brick-front row house upon their marriage in 1888. Dr. Burnham had been renting part of the house as offices but leased the entire five-floor house upon his marriage.
Lois was the first of the Burnham's children. A daughter, Matilda, would die in infancy leaving three girls -- Lois, Barbara and Katherine -- and two boys, Rogers and Lyman. In her memoir, Lois Remembers, published by Al-Anon, Lois recalls her childhood as "idyllic", and it seems that this is an accurate assessment.
Lois' parents were different from parents in the Victoria era in that they were affectionately demonstrative with each other in front of the children. These open displays of affection were rare in those days and attest to the deep love the two had for each other and that it was regarded as natural and good. Indeed, in many photos of the two, even into old age, the couple seem engaged with each other and truly enjoying each other's company.
The Burnham household seems to have embodied so many wonderful elements. The children were respected and deeply loved by their parents and were brought up to be loving and thoughtful towards others. They were given excellent educations and all sent to college. Lois was a graduate of The Packer Collegiate Institute in Brooklyn. All the children went to Pratt Institute in Brooklyn which was one of the first schools to have a new type of preschool started in Germany called "kindergarten". Later, they were enrolled in the Quaker's Friends School.
Lois' primary interests were mostly artistic. She would later become interested in interior decoration, but also showed interest in fine art. After graduating from Packer Institute, she took drawing classes at the New York School of Fine and Applied Art.
Lois' memories of childhood are a rich pastiche of the best of the turn-of-the-century family life and infused with stories of warm gatherings with her relatives, admiration for her intelligent and artistic mother and her energetic and confident father. Most of all, she remembers how loving and warm her parents were and how much she wanted to one day have a home like the one from which she came.
The Burnhams taught their children to be thoughtful and caring of others and to be of use in the world. The impressions of her home life are ones of excitement and lots of fun. Lois was particularly adventuresome and cared little for how she looked and was often referred to as a "tomboy."
This aspect of her personality was given its fullest expression during the Burnhams long sojourns in southern Vermont. Each year, the family spent half a year in the Manchester, Vermont area where Dr. Burnham's New York patients also spent long periods. Her parents were fully part of the upper-class social life there and were friends with many well-known people of the day, including Abraham Lincoln's son whose children were among the younger Burnham's playmates.
One of the children the Burnham's played with, especially Rogers, was a boy who came each summer with his prominent family from Albany, New York. His name was Edwin or "Ebby" who would also become a close friend of Lois' future husband, Bill Wilson, and be instrumental in Bill's getting sober. (See Bill's Story.)
Rogers also found a pal in Bill Wilson, and in 1913 introduced him to his sister. Lois was over four years older than Bill, and being 22 at the time, did not regard him as anything other than her brother's friend. But as the summers went on, she and Bill more and more found many common interests and gradually fell in love. They were both intelligent, athletic and fun-loving. Lois encouraged Bill at his studies and thought him to be a most remarkable young man. Her family shared this assessment. And so, in 1915, the couple became secretly engaged and married on January 24, 1918, just days before young officer Wilson shipped off to Europe in the First World War.
Village Street
East Dorset, Vermont 05253
802-362-5524
Welcome to the Wilson House.
This is designed to give you a brief history and to serve as a guide as you go through the House.
HISTORY
In 1846 this lot was vacant. Five years later the Barrows House opened as a hotel. When Bill Wilson was born here in 1895, his Grandmother Wilson owned the hotel, which had been in her family since it was built by her father. When she married Bill's grandfather, the hotel became The Wilson House. Bill Wilson lived in the House until he was about two years old and then the family moved to another house and later moved to Rutland. When Bill was 11 years old his parents were divorced. His father went to work in the quarries in Canada and his mother went to a Boston medical school. At that time, Bill and his sister, Dorothy, came back to East Dorset to live with their maternal grandparents, the Griffiths, who lived in the yellow house across the church yard. It's here that Bill grew up, weathering the trauma of his parents' divorce when he was 11 and the death of his first love when he was a senior at Burr and Burton Academy in Manchester. The Griffith House became a part of the Wilson non-profit foundation in June of 1991. Three rooms of the Griffith House are open to the public. You may enter by the front door. There is a sitting room downstairs and upstairs there are two bedrooms. Bill's bedroom is the one facing the Wilson House.
In the late 1880s, East Dorset was a lively town of 1,800 people, compared with the present population of approximately 350. The main livelihood of the day was the marble quarries and lumbering. This was during the time Washington, DC was being built; much of the marble in that city came from the quarries in the East Dorset area. The New York Public Library was also built with East Dorset marble. Route 7 ran right past the front of the hotel. Factories, a school, and small shops lined the street. East Dorset was a popular stopping point on the railroad, lying approximately halfway between Montreal and New York City. The Wilson House was truly a grand hotel!
The Wilson House remained open as a hotel until the mid 1970s and then, due to illness in the owner's family and the depressed economy, it was closed and remained vacant for 13 years before restoration began. Water leaked through every ceiling, the foundation and some walls were in danger of collapsing, and dirt was pushing up the floorboards in the kitchen. Twenty-eight steel columns had to be placed under the House to stabilize it. The back part of the House had to be raised and a partial cellar was dug under it.
Bill and Lois' Home.
This house was giving them to them when they were completely homeless.
Lois first named the place "Bil-Lo's Break"..later she changed the
name to "The Stepping Stones".
In 1939, Lois and Bill faced one of the greatest crisis in their lives. They had to leave home in which they had been living at 182 Clinton Street in Brooklyn Heights, New York. It was a red-brick house, one of the fashionable attached houses in the well-to-do neighborhood, where Lois and her five siblings were born. Her father, Clark Burnham, a doctor, had rented the part of the house when he began his medical practice and subsequently leased the entire five floors upon marrying Matilda Sullivan and bringing her there in 1888 as his bride.
Lois and Bill had themselves married in 1918 and lived in Brooklyn as well, renting apartments that expanded in size according to Bill's rise in the world of finance and then decreased and evaporated when, in 1929 the New York Stock Market crashed and Bill, by then a chronic drinker who was shunned from Wall Street, could no longer afford to keep any apartment.
They did the smart and perhaps the only thing -- they moved in with Lois' parents. This made sense for a couple of reasons. One, Lois's mother, to whom she was extremely close, was gravely ill and Lois could help care for her. It is possible she may have wanted to live with her mother at this time regardless of her own desperate situation, but the truth was -- Two, the Wilson's were broke, and they would need a roof over their heads. So, with some large degree of humiliation, Lois returned to the home she had left as a bride with her husband who was unable to provide for her.
They moved in with the Burnhams in early 1930. Lois worked and brought in some money and cared for her mother. She was shattered when, on Christmas Day of that year, her mother died. Lois' father eventually remarried and moved from the Brooklyn Heights home leaving the Wilsons to live there alone. However, he did continue to support them by keeping the lease payments current.
In 1934, Bill's drinking finally stopped several weeks after a visit by an old friend and "hopeless" drunk, Ebby T. [SEE BILL'S STORY] Ebby told Bill about recovery through application of the spiritual precepts of The Oxford Group. Bill had a transforming spiritual awakening at Townes Hospital and never drank again for the rest of his life. He subsequently met Dr. Robert H. Smith (Dr. Bob) in Akron, Ohio, in 1935, and the two created the program of recovery that would later be known as "Alcoholics Anonymous." Many drunks were brought to the house at 182 Clinton Street in Brooklyn and many meetings held there. But in 1938, after almost three years of sober living for both Lois and Bill, Dr. Burnham died, and the Wilson's could no longer keep their house. They had to move. And, there was no place to go.
Bill was 43 and Lois was 47; it was the depression, and things didn't look good. Lois was especially affected because home had always meant so much to her. Lois only wanted two things in life: She wanted children and a home in which to raise them. She was unable to have children which was a devesation to her, and now, she didn't even have a home. But, like always, she forged ahead making do with the situation and did what had to be done.
They packed their bags and watched the Salvation Army and Goodwill take away truckloads of furniture. However, they managed to hold onto a few pieces, the ones that were the most valuable or meant the most, and put those into storage along with a hope and a prayer that maybe, someday, they would be used again in a Wilson home. For the Wilsons, there was no choice but to live off the friendship and charity of their friends. It was not an easy thing to do. They lived in 52 separate places in the span of two years. As Lois said, they lived from pillar to post, relying on her meager salary as a department store saleswoman to see them through. Bill plunged himself into working with drunks, with an occasional bright idea now and then to somehow parlay that into making some money. Each time, he was persuaded otherwise by the group conscience.
Lois was a very private person. Even her diaries don't reveal much about how she felt, they are mostly chronicles of what she did. She was of the Victorian era. She was reserved and self-contained. The idea of going on a TV talk show and revealing her experiences would be as unthinkable as going to Mars. So, it is moving and poignant to know that this private person, this optimistic and hopeful woman, felt so discouraged that one day, as she and Bill are going to yet another person's house to spend a few days, she dropped her bags in the great expanse of Grand Central Terminal and, in the middle of this very public place, this very private woman sobs. This was her life and at that moment, this is what her life would always be. It seemed as if they would be nomads forever.
But God had a plan for Lois and Bill, and the solution to their homeless problem came to them like a miracle.
There was a woman who owned a house in Bedford Hills in Westchester County, New York. It was a summer house built in 1920 which she rarely used. In fact, it was boarded up most of the time. The woman's name was Helen Griffith. An interesting coincidence -- Griffith was Bill's maternal family name and his own middle name.
Helen Griffith, however, was no relative. She was the widow of an alcoholic and the friend of an alcoholic who had gotten into AA and had recovered. Helen went to meetings with her friend and met Bill and Lois on a few occasions. She thought they were wonderful people and was shocked to find out that they were homeless. She was so disturbed by this that she decided to let go of her summer home and let the Wilsons have it at a good price. She asked her friend in AA to mention to Bill and Lois to see if they were interested.
They were, and they were thankful for Mrs. Giffith's thoughtfulness, but they had no money. Buying anything was impossible, especially a house, so they declined it with thanks. But Helen was determined, especially after she was told some weeks later that the Wilsons had actually seen the house. Bill and Lois had been staying with friends in nearby Chappaqua. The weekend had rolled around and with nothing to do on that March Sunday, Bill got it into his head to go visit that house of Helen's -- even if they weren't sure where it was.
Even today the house is difficult to find without directions, but somehow they did. The house was all boarded up, but Bill, ever resourceful, thought he could find a way to break in. He did with the party following him inside.
Both Bill and Lois loved the house immediately. Bill especially liked the large stone fireplace in the living room which reminded him of the fireplace in the East Dorset inn of his grandparents where he was born. Lois, the amature naturalist, loved the French doors that looked out towards the woods. In fact, they both loved entire house, but the idea of buying it was fantastic. They also had wanted for years to live in Westchester County and would drive around looking at the area and pipe-dreaming about living there. They looked around the house and the grounds and soon left without thinking that they might buy it.
But when Helen was later told that Lois and Bill had been at the house she took it as a divine sign that if they could actually find the house, they should live in it. So, she made an extraordinary offer -- the house and the small garage on 1.5 acres for $6,500. The price was probably somewhat below market value, but what made it truly extraordinary was that she, knowing that the Wilsons were broke, required no down payment. The terms were $40 a month against a mortgage she would hold and charge them no interest for at least the first year. Could they swing that? They were pretty sure they could. They would take the furniture out of storage, there would be $20 there, and they were pretty sure they could ask Don V. for some money if they needed it. They often did.
So, in the spring of 1941, the Wilsons moved into the house. After 23 years of marriage, Lois and Bill finally had a home of their own.
The Wilson's lived in the house for the rest of their lives. Bill spent almost 30 years there until his death in January 1971 at age 75. Lois lived on 17 years longer, dying in October, 1988, at 97˝. We always mention the one-half because Lois was determined to and convinced she would live to 100 -- was was only off by 2˝ years, not three.
When they first moved in, Lois named the place "Bil-Lo's Break", because that's what it was, a lucky break for them. But sometime later, while driving around Nantucket Island, Lois saw the name "Stepping Stones" at one house and thought it would make an appropriate name for her own. There were many stepping stones around the property, and she also liked inference of the twelve steps. So, the house was remained Stepping Stones.
Every time an abutting lot was for sale, Lois would buy it, eventually increasing Stepping Stones' size to 8˝ acres. (An Al-Anon visitor once observed that Bill, the AA, who dabbled in the financial markets never really made much money in them, but Lois, the Al-Anon bought the real estate!) Much landscaping had been done as Lois transformed the wild area around the house and planted beautiful gardens with flowers that still bloom each year. Bill added a garage and, most importantly, a small work studio, "Wits End", on nearby slope where he did much of his writing, including the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.
Lois and Bill dearly loved Stepping Stones and since they did not have any children, to whom to leave the house was a problem. Bill thought AA might take it and offered it. However, the trustees reminded Bill about a tradition he wrote about AA not owning property. Bill acknowledged that he remembered the tradition but that he thought the trustees might make an exception in his case. They wouldn't. So, he did as someone once said any self-respecting alcoholic would do, he left it to his wife to figure out. And she did.
In 1979, nine years before her death, Lois established The Stepping Stones Foundation and charged it to maintain the property in perpetuity as an historic site dedicated to the enjoyment of those in AA and the Al-Anon Family Groups. Lois lived in the house until her death when the property was given to the Foundation which maintains Stepping Stones as a museum with a thoroughly homey touch. Walking into Stepping Stones, it seems as though the Wilsons still live there. The original furniture, photographs, books and memorabilia are still to be seen.
Bill's studio which he called "Wit's End" built with a friend around 1948. Most of Bill's writing, including the AA book, The Twelve Steps and The Twelve Traditions, were written inside. Over to the side of the above house was Wit's End.
Dr. William Duncan Silkworth
1873 – 1951
from the A.A. Grapevine, April 1951 issue
His medical opinion after seeing Bill Wilson
Dr. Silkworth's Letter after examing Bill
Early beginnings of the Big Book
And Early Resource Material
This EARLY LIFE magazine shows many photos including one of Frank Buchman.
The Founder of the Oxford group.
In it are 5 pages documenting the photos above.
This is an example of the large get-to-gethers of AA's first conferences.
Many held in Melvern, England.
At this time there was no A.A. group or club,
only the "drunk squad" of the Oxford group.
First Edition
14th Printing
back of the cover.
SMT Guild presents the Golden Recordings of Father John Doe on 33 rpm. All the talks on Golden recordings were originally retreat talks, the first of which was given in the fall of 1945. In 1947 responding to many requests for copies of these talks, the first ones were published in the Golden Book of the spiritual side. This same talk given at a convention in Texas was a claimed by Bill W.. The founder of Alcoholics Anonymous as a talk which should be heard by every member of AA throughout the world. Subsequently all the retreat talks were published in the Golden books Sobriety and beyond, Sobriety without end. these books have been highly recommended for alcoholics and nonalcoholics alike. This is a fantastic archive of 1940s Alcoholics Anonymous thought. Long before the cassette tape was invented, these records were used.
The above taken from these resources:
My thanks to the following:
The World Services Web Sites
Available Reproductions of Archives Items
Voices of Our Co-founders
an audio-cassette of five talks by Bill W. and Dr. Bob.
Archives Scrapbooks, Vol. 1 - 1939-1942, Vol. 2 - 1943.
Offset reproduction of newspaper clippings
about A.A. 18 1/2" x 16 1/2".
Essential Readings About A.A. History
Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers (B-8)
The life story of the Fellowship’s co-founder,
interwoven with recollections of early A.A. in the Midwest.
Pass It On (B-9)
The Story of Bill Wilson and How the A.A. Message Reached the World.
A.A. Comes of Age (B-3)
Bill W. tells how A.A. started, how the Steps and
Traditions evolved, and how the A.A. Fellowship grew
and spread overseas.
The AA Grapevine
Has many historial facts and graphics.
You may subscribe to a paper back AA Grapevine
HERE
Your local public libary will have alots of AA history
with graphics, if you just ask for history of Bill Wilson
or Dr. Bob.
As Bill Sees It
The A.A. Way of Life
[selected writings of A.A.'s co-founder]
This book includes several hundred excerpts from our literature,
touching nearly ever aspect of A.A.'s way of life.
It is felt that this material may become an aid to individual meditation
and a stimulant to group discussion, and may well lead to a still wider
reading of all our other literature.
This is a prayer we like to use.
We call it "The Serenity Prayer".
Our Prayers from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
The 3rd Step, 7th Step, 10th Step, and 11th Step Prayers
Click Above for Web Site
Where did the 12 Steps Come From?
by Bill Wilson
from the AA Grapevine
Above you can add your very own saying to this web site.
It has a random display and changes every couple of visits
to this site.
Just click the "Visitor Entered Saying Link" above.
Please keep the subject to Recovery.
The original manuscript of How It Works.
A New Version is now available in any new Big Book.
HOW IT WORKS
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our directions.
Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give
themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally
incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not
at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of
grasping and developing a way of life which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances
are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and
mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -then you are ready to follow directions.
At some of these you may balk. You may think you can find an easier, softer way. We doubt if you can. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that you are dealing with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for you. But there is One who has all power - That One is God. You must find Him now!
Half measures will avail you nothing. You stand at the turning point. Throw yourself under His protection and care with complete abandon.
Now we think you can take it! Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as your Program of Recovery:
1. Admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care and direction of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely willing that God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly, on our knees, asked Him to remove our shortcomings - holding nothing back.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make complete amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual experience as the result of this course of action, we tried to carry this message to others, especially alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
You may exclaim, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after, have been designed to sell you three pertinent ideas:
(a) That you are alcoholic and cannot manage your own life.
(b) That probably no human power can relieve your alcoholism.
(c) That God can and will.
If you are not convinced on these vital issues, you ought to re-read the book to this point or else throw it away!
If you are convinced, you are now at step three, which is that you make a decision to turn your will and your life over to God as you understand Him. Just what do we mean by that, and just what do we do?
The first requirement is that you see that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives may be good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show: is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wishes, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.
What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself some more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?
Our actor is self-centered - ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired business man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the preacher who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Whatever their protestations, are not these people mostly concerned with themselves, their resentments, or their self-pity?
Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly, without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self, which later placed us in a position to be hurt. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is almost the most extreme example that could be found of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there is no way of entirely getting rid of self without Him. You may have moral and philosophical convictions galore, but you can't live up to them even though you would like to. Neither can you reduce your self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on your own power. You must have God's help.
This is the how and why of it. First of all, quit playing God yourself. It doesn't work. Next, decide that hereafter in this drama of life, God is going to by your Director. He is the Principal; you are to be His agent. He is the Father, and you are His child. Get that simple relationship straight. Most good ideas are simple and this concept is to be the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which you will pass to freedom.
When you sincerely take such a position, all sorts of remarkable things follow. You have a new Employer. Being all powerful, He must necessarily provide what you need, if you keep close to Him and perform His work well. Established on such a footing you become less and less interested in yourself, your little plans and designs. More and more you become interested in seeing what you can contribute to life. As you feel new power flow in, as you enjoy peace of mind, as you discover you can face life successfully, as you become conscious of His presence, you begin to lose your fear of today, tomorrow, or the hereafter. You will have been reborn.
Get down upon your knees and say to your Maker, as you understand Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee - to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" Think well before taking this step. Be sure you are ready; that you can at last abandon yourself utterly to Him.
It is very desirable that you make your decision with an understanding person. It may be your wife, your best friend, your spiritual adviser, but remember it is better to meet God alone that with one who might misunderstand. You must decide this for yourself. The wording of your decision is, of course, quite optional so long as you express the idea, voicing it without reservation. This decision is only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, will be felt at once.
Next we launch out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which you have never in all probability attempted. Though your decision is a vital and crucial step, it can have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in yourself which have been blocking you. Your liquor is but a symptom. Let's now get down to basic causes and conditions.
Therefore, you start upon a personal inventory. This is step four. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking a commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. Its object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.
We do exactly the same thing with our lives. We take stock honestly. First, we search out the flaws in our make-up which have caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, is what has defeated us, we consider its common manifestations.
Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. List people, institutions or principles with whom you are angry. Ask yourself why you are angry. In most cases it will be found that your self-esteem, your pocketbook, your ambitions, your personal relationships, (including sex) are hurt or threatened. So you are sore. You are "burned up."
On your grudge list set opposite each name your injuries. Is it your self-esteem, your security, your ambitions, your personal, or your sex relations, which have been interfered with?
Be as definite as this example:
I'm resentful at: The Cause Affects my:
Mr. Brown His attention to my wife. Sex relations.
Self-esteem (fear)
Told my wife of my mistress. Sex relations.
Self-esteem (fear)
Brown may get my job at the office. Security. Self-esteem (fear)
Mrs. Jones She's a nut-she snubbed me.
She committed her husband for Personal relation-
drinking.He's my friend.She's ship.Self-esteem
a gossip. (fear)
My employer Unreasonable - Unjust - Over-
bearing - Threatens to fire me for Self-esteem (fear)
drinking and padding my expense Security account.
My wife Misunderstands and nags.Likes Pride - Personal
Brown. Wants house put in her name. and sex relations-
Security (fear)
Go on through the list back through your lifetime. Nothing counts but thoroughness and honesty. When you are finished consider it carefully. The first thing apparent to you is that this world and its people are often quite wrong. To conclude that others are wrong is as far as most of us ever get. The usual outcome is that people continue to wrong you and you stay sore. Sometimes it is remorse and then you are sore at yourself. But the more you fight and try to have your way, the worse matters get. Isn't that so? As in war, victors only seem to win. Your moments of triumph are short-lived.
It is plain that a way of life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic whose only hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We find that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.
If we are to live, we must be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm are not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.
Turn back to your list, for it holds the key to your future. You must be prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. You will begin to see that the world and its people really dominate you. In your present state, the wrongdoing of others, fancied or real, has power to actually kill you. How shall you escape? You see that these resentments must be mastered, but how? You cannot wish them away any more than alcohol.
This is our course: realize at once that the people who wrong you are spiritually sick. Though you don't like their symptoms and the way these disturb you, they, like yourself, are sick, too. Ask God to help you show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that you would cheerfully grant a friend who has cancer. When a person next offends, say to yourself "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
Never argue. Never retaliate. You wouldn't treat sick people that way. If you do, you destroy your chance of being helpful. You cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show you how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and everyone.
Take up your list again. Putting out of your mind the wrongs others have done, resolutely look for your own mistakes. Where have you been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation may not be entirely your fault, disregard the other person involved entirely. See where you have been to blame. This is your inventory, not the other man's. When you see your fault write it down on the list. See it before you in black and white. Admit your wrongs honestly and be willing to set these matters straight.
You will notice that the word fear is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, your employer, and your wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It is an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence is shot through with it. It sets in motion trains of circumstances which bring us misfortune we feel we don't deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing as a sin. It seems to cause more trouble.
Review your fears thoroughly. Put them on paper, even though you have no resentment in connection with them. Ask yourself why you have them. Isn't it because self-reliance has failed you? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.
Perhaps there is a better way - we think so. For you are now to go on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. You are to trust infinite God rather than your finite self. You are in the world to play the role he assigns. Just to the extent that you do as you think He would have you, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable you to match calamity with serenity.
You must never apologize to anyone for depending upon your Creator. You can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. Never apologize for God. Instead let Him demonstrate, through you, what He can do. Ask Him to remove your fear and direct your attention to what He would have you be. At once, you will commence to outgrow fear.
Now about sex. You can probably stand an overhauling there. We needed it. But above all, let's be sensible on this question. It's so easy to get way off the track. Here we find human opinions running to extremes - absurd extremes, perhaps. One set of voices cry that sex is a lust of our lower nature, a base necessity of procreation. Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex; who bewail the institution of marriage; who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it, or that it isn't the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. One school would allow man no flavor for his fare and the other would have us all on a straight pepper diet. We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct. We all have sex problems. We'd hardly be human if we didn't. What can we do about them?
Review your own conduct over the years past. Where have you been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom did you hurt? Did you unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where you were at fault, what should you have done instead? Get this all down on paper and look at it.
In this way you can shape a sane and sound ideal for your future sex life. Subject each relation to this test - is it selfish or not? Ask God to mould your ideals and help you to live up to them. Remember always that your sex powers are God-given, and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed.
Whatever your ideal may be, you must be willing to grow toward it. You must be willing to make amends where you have done harm, provided that you will not bring about still more harm in so doing. In other words, treat sex as you would any other problem. In meditation, ask God what you should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come, if you want it.
God alone can judge your sex situation. Counsel with persons is often desirable, but let God be the final judge. Remember that some people are as fanatical about sex as others are loose. Avoid hysterical thinking or advice.
Suppose you fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble. Does this mean you are going to get drunk? Some people will tell you so. If they do, it will be only a half-truth. It depends on you and your motive. If you are sorry for what you have done, and have the honest desire to let God take you to better things, you will be forgiven and will have learned your lesson. If you are not sorry, and your conduct continues to harm others, you are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience.
To sum up about sex: earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing. If sex is very troublesome, throw yourself the harder into helping others. Think of their needs and work for them. This will take you out of yourself. It will quiet the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache.
If you have been thorough about your personal inventory, you have written down a lot by this time. You have listed and analyzed your resentments. You have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. You have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. You have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even your enemies, for you know them to be sick people. You have listed the people you have hurt by your conduct, and you are willing to straighten out the past if you can.
In this book you read again and again that God did for us what we could not do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now that He can remove the self-will that has blocked you off from Him. You have made your decision. You have made an inventory of the grosser handicaps you have. You have made a good beginning, for you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself. Are you willing to go on?
THE TWELVE TRADITIONS OF A.A.
1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity.
2. For our group purpose, there is but one ultimate authority--a loving God as he may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups of A.A. as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose--to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
6. An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance or lend the A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
7. Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
9. A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
from ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women
Have Recovered from Alcoholism
NEW AND REVISED EDITION
(Second Edition)
Down to Earth Questions
Below, I will answer them the best that I can,
and some are only the way the steps and God, have been
working in my life.
If I answer some too strong, I am sorry, but a
high is a high, and it doesn't matter
what substance was used to get it.
Some answers come from the best way I can remember
my 43 year, clean and sober sponsor telling me.
What is Alanon?
Alanon is an organization of men and women
where the partner, spouse, loved one, or relative
have been associated with an alcoholic or addict.
They use the same 12 steps as A.A. and usually
do not drink or drug.
To find out more click the Alanon link below.
(From the Alanon World Service Web Site)
To the Potential Newcomer
Your inquiry is confidential and anonymous. If you are concerned about someone else's drinking, we encourage you to browse our web site for information about our program. Call 888-4AL-ANON, Monday through Friday, 8 am to 6 pm ET for meeting information.
Al-Anon's Purpose
To help families and friends of alcoholics recover from the effects of living with the problem drinking of a relative or friend. Similarly, Alateen is our recovery program for young people. Alateen groups are sponsored by Al-Anon members. Our program of recovery is adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous and is based upon the Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, and Twelve Concepts of Service. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. Al-Anon/Alateen is not affiliated with any other organization or outside entity.
Groups
Al-Anon meetings are held in 115 countries. There are over 24,000 Al-Anon and over 2,300 Alateen groups worldwide.
Literature and Materials
Our publications are based upon the shared experience of our membership and their application of Al-Anon's principles to their lives. Our literature is available in 30 languages.
Mutual Support
Whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not, Al-Anon offers hope and recovery to all people affected by the alcoholism of a loved one or friend. This web site is created and maintained by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. (the "World Service Office" or WSO), Virginia Beach, Virginia. The World Service Office is the international headquarters for Al-Anon and Alateen worldwide.
AlaTeen is an organization of young
people, of all ages, who use the same 12 steps.
They hold their own meetings and share their
lives and their experience, strength and hope
with each other on how they stop drinking and drugging.
My hat off, to all, that are members.
There is no age limit.
To find out meeting info, literature, questions, the 12 steps
the 12 Traditions, a Television Public Service Announcement of Alateen
Click Here -Alateen Web Site
Where do I find info on Nacoctics Anonymous??
Basic Information about Narcotics Anonymous with HomePage
Do I have to believe in God to go to AA,NA,Alanon, or Alateen meetings.?
No.! But find a person, group, or thing that is stronger then yourself. (hmm maybe one clear night, look up at the beautiful sky
and stars and ask yourself.."where does the sky end"?
How do I know I am an Alcoholic or Addict?
Try some control drinking. Try drinking 1/2 of a beer or drink or taking your medication as prescribed by your doctor. If you can't, we need you, and you need us. If you can go days without drinking or drugging but really get drunk or high over problems in life, or when you are extremely happy, or down, you need the directions of living life according to the 12 steps and the "Big Book".What do you mean Grateful Recovering Alcoholic or Addict?
{The following are only my words}
I believe I was chosen by God to be an Alcoholic to find a new relationship with HIM. God, wanted me to take a strong look at myself, improve myself and help other alcoholics in return. In return, I was given a new way of life, a new understanding of myself and God. He made me an alcoholic, to carry the message and help others, lonely, sad, depressed, and in need of a true friend. Now by stopping drinking or drugging I have been given a new peace and happiness. I see now, that to give is to receive. I see Him working in reality in my life and others. I am truly grateful to be an alcoholic else I would not have this peace or contentment God has give me thru me trying to live the 12 steps and directions of living life as described in the Big Book of Alcohloics Anonymous. I am grateful to be alive and watch a flower grow, the sun set, one helping another. I am grateful not to be a cheat, liar, thief or con any more. If I slip back into those patterns I know where to go to restore myself back to sanity, thanks to God giving me that piece of paper to get signed some ten years ago. How selffish and stupid was I, not to see Him asking me if I wanted help. If I had not been an alcoholic, I don't think I would have found my new relationship with God, and this new me I have inside.How do I find an AA, Alanon or NA meeting?
Check your local phone book, under Alcoholics Anonymous, or Nacotics Anonymous. Call any Alanon, Alateen, or NA information. I am sure they will try to help you, concerning any area you are concerned about.How do I get to a meeting? I don't have transportation!
Call a local group. Explain your situation. Just ask for ride over the phone. More then likely, they will be glad to pick you up and give you a ride. Don't be discouraged if you get turned down.!! All of us have jobs, homes, and families and things going on in our lives. Simply try again.Why should I go to a meeting? The last one was pathetic!
Not all meetings are going to be exactly what you like. Take from the meeting what you need and like, leave the rest. Remember! Its your life! Alcohol, drugs and the over doing of prescriptive pills will kill you! Remember that our disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful. Make sure those things you don't like, are not what you need to improve in yourself. The smallest word or sentence at that meeting, may save your life and be an answer to some of your problems. Go to a meeting for yourself. "To Thine Own Self Be True". Try not to get too wrapped up in others' personal lives. Look for those living the steps and Book in their normal daily lives. Look for those in the "solution" not dwelling in the problem. The next meeting will probably will bring a different person to it. Don't give up on that group, but see what you can learn about yourself.
Page 67."We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. we cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one".
To see more Down to Earth Questions
asked of me you can go to my
Down To Earth Questions with Answers Web Site Click Here
Begin Chat
Private AOL Chat Rooms Created by Me for Public use.
Please feel free to invite whomever you like here and use the rooms.
OneExDrunks' Private Chat Room on AOL
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LIVE VOICE CHAT RECOVERY
We have been getting together on Paltalk.
If you would like to do live voice chat recovery...
Go to www.paltalk.com and do the easy 2 minute install.
Click the Groups Icon, Look inside "Meet New People" for the
chat room "Friends of Bill and Bob"
Paltalk has free voice and video cam chat. If the room doesn't exsist, please click it's Group Icon
then Highlight, mouse on Meet New People and click the
Create Room icon.
Surely some of us will join you in there soon.
Free! Live Voice Chats and Meetings
If you have a mic, you can even share, live!!.
SOBERVOICES - Live Voice forum for 12 Step Meetings
If you have trouble getting the voice working, or room up..
Download the setup file..close any other application that
may use voice, (this means right mouse click that application
on your very bottom task bar, and do exit or close.) then
run the setup program while online.Don't worry, no setup,
Use Windows Sound Record to record and test your mic,
before you enter the web site.
~End Chat~
search engine.
Complete Big Book with Search Engine
This is simply incredible!. Special thanks to Tim!
May God Bless you, and keep you Happy.
Links
How to Start a New AA Group
Service Material for a New or Old Group
How to Order AA Literature
Personal Recovery Web Site Creations
Do you know of a Personal Recovery Web Page that
impressed you? If so, please send me the link
and I will post the link here.
A Brief Guide To Alcoholics Anonymous by Lefty58
BASTROP Texas ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS Group & Meeting Schedules
The Twelve Suggested Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous by Dana
Addiction and Recovery Asylum :)
HESHE ANONYMOUS 12 STEP RECOVERY
Life Recovery Ministries - Christian substance abuse recovery program
Jami's Journey Into Recovery
Eternal GateWay........Is..Awesome
From Me:
This site is dedicated to my 43 year sponsor
Gordon Nelson, of San Antonio, Texas
Without a question, an AA angel.
This site is only 3 days old, and I have
already received the most touching email.
All I can say, is, "Thank you!". Keep it coming!
Email (Me) OneExdrunk
Special Thanks and Credits to:
Octoberbabe for helping with the research.
Dick B and his web sites.
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Links
The United States Constituion
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Test to See If You Are An Alcoholic
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This site was created by me, Ben M., in the
Seabrook, Clear Lake, Baytown, League City, LaPorte,
Texas area
Home Page Creation Date: June 18, 2001.
All graphics, web sites and sounds are freely distributed by me.
Almost all graphics were created by me.
*Celebrating 10 years, clean and sober,
and without any mind controlling substance, October 21, 2001.
Thank God, YOU, and AA and Alanon for my sobriety!
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