MARGE: "They told us what to wear, how to dress, what clothes we should put on."

HOMER: "They told us we could park them in front of the TV. That's how I was brought up and I turned out TV."

HOMER: "I wanna set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute."

HOMER: "Let's just say that fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug was the drugs."

TV COMMERCIAL: "It's 11:00. Do you know where your kids are?"
HOMER: "I told you last night, no!"

RALPH: "Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

BART: "What a day, eh Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them--as is my understanding."

(Homer is looking behind the couch for a peanut he dropped but finds 20 dollars instead)
HOMER: "Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut."
HOMER'S BRAIN: "Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts."
HOMER: "Explain how."
HOMER'S BRAIN: "Money can be exchanged for goods and services."
HOMER: "Woo-hoo!"

HOMER: "I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals fa-laaaming!"

HOMER: "Look, Marge, you don't know what it's like. I'm the one out there everyday putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order. You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge! It's Chinatown."

MOE: "Hey, I don't need no advice from a pinball machine. I'll have you know I wrote the book on love."
ABE: "Yeah--'All quiet on the Western Front'"

CHIEF WIGGUM: All right, you scrawny bean poles; becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge."
MAN: "Forget about the badge! When do we get the freakin' gun?"
CHIEF WIGGUM: "Hey, I told you, you don't get your gun until you tell me your name."
MAN: "I've had it up t here with your 'rules'" (leaves)

JIMBO: "You kissed a girl! That is so gay!"

MR. BURNS: "Now that I'm the town's oldest man, I'm starting to realize I'm not a young man anymore."

MARGE: "It seems a little wasteful."
HOMER: "Wasteful and practical!"