Friends Quotes

CHANDLER: "Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. Did I just say that out loud?" (The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate)

ROSS: "What does he want with her?"
CHANDLER: "Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. Make a little love. Pretty much get down tonight."

PHOEBE: "Dude, 11:00, Totally hot babe checking you out. That was really good! I think I'm ready for my penis now." (The One With The Prom Video)

CHANDLER: "I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret. Much like they did in biblical times. Though you may haveth anger now..." (The One With The Prom Video)

MONICA: "I'm no longer at my job. I had to leave it."
MRS GELLAR: "Why?"
MONICA: "Because they made me." (The One With The Prom Video)

PHOEBE: "Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay!" (The One With The Prom Video)

JOEY: "We're bracelet buddies!"
CHANDLER: "That's what they'll call us!" (The One With The Prom Video)

PHOEBE: "They don't know, that we know, they know, we know."

PHOEBE: "If I kept it, it would be like stealing."
RACHEL: "But if you spent it, it would be like shopping."

MONICA: "That was my bathing suit from high school. I was a little bigger then."
CHANDLER: "Oh, I thought that's what they used to cover Connecticut when it rained." (The One With The Prom Video)

RACHEL: "Oh my God."
JOEY: "What is with your nose?"
RACHEL: "They had to reduce it because of my deviated septum."
CHANDLER: "Oh, ok, I was wrong. That is what they used to cover Connecticut." (The One With The Prom Video)

JOEY: "Some girl ate Monica!"
MONICA: "Shut up! The camera adds ten pounds."
CHANDLER: "Okay, so how many cameras were actually on you?" (The One With The Prom Video)

MONICA: "You cannot tell Chandler, but I ran into Richard."
PHOEBE: "Which Richard?"
MONICA: "The Richard."
PHOEBE: "Richard Simmons! Oh My God!"

CHANDLER: "When I was a kid, I only played these games because I couldn't get girls. And now I can get them. Now, I have you. No, not, not, not that I think I have you or think of you as property in any sort of way. I see women..."

PHOEBE: "Now, if you want to receive email about my upcoming shows, then please give memoney to buy a computer."

MONICA: "Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it." (The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate)

CHANDLER: "I've had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is smoking is cool andyou know it."

JOEY: "Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling her."

CHANDLER: "Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass."

JOEY: "I don't need violence to enjoy a movie--just so long as there's a little nudity."

CHANDLER: "I tell people secrets. It makes them like me."

PHOEBE: "My sticky shoe, My sticky, sticky shoe, Why you stick on me baby?"

JOEY: "You look good."
ANGELA: "That's cause I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs."

JOEY: "You wanna come poke a nude guy?"

MR. TRIEGER: "Hey duck. Is Chick here?"
CHANDLER: "Yeah, bunny rabbit."

CHANDLER: "Whenever I see a girl in fishnet stockings it reminds me of my father in fishnet stockings."

PHOEBE: (running through apartment) "Monica? I'm sorry I'm so late. Monica?"
MONICA: (walking in the door) "Phoebe? Oh, Phoebe, I'm so sorry. Have you been here long?"
PHOEBE: It's okay. What the hell took you so long?"

MONICA: "If you want to kiss him, you can use mistletoe."
RACHEL: "It's not Christmas."
MONICA: "Or spin the bottle."
RACHEL: "He's not 11."

ROSS: "Hi."
JOEY: "This guy says hello, I want to kill myself."
ROSS: "I just feel like someone reached down my throat, and grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth, and tied it around my neck."
CHANDLER: "Cookie?" (The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate)

RACHEL: (On the phone) "Come on daddy, listen to me! It's like all of my life everyone has always told me 'You're a shoe. You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe.' And then today I just stopped and said what if I don't want to be a shoe. What if I want to be a purse, you know, or a hat...No, I don't want you to buy me a hat. I'm saying that I am a hat. It's a metaphor, daddy!"
ROSS: "You can see where he'd have trouble." (The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate)

PHOEBE: "Give her a break. It's hard being on your own for the first time."
RACHEL: "Thank you."
PHOEBE: "You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was 14. My mom had just killed herself and my stepdad was back in prison. And I got here and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was like cleaning windshields outside of Port Authority. And then he killed himself. And then I found aromatherapy. So, believe me, I know exactly how you feel."
ROSS: "The word you're looking for is...anyway..." (The One Where Monica Gets A New Roommate)

ROSS: "Is today the 20th, October 20th?"
MONICA: "I was hoping you wouldn't remember."
ROSS: "Uh."
JOEY: "What's wrong with the 20th?"
CHANDLER: "Eleven days before Halloween, all the good costumes are gone?"
ROSS: "Today's the day Carol and I first consumated our physical relationship...Sex. You know what, I better pass onthe game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover."
JOEY: "The hell with hockey. Let's all do that!."

PHOEBE: "I made a man with eyes of coal
         And a smile so bewitching
         How was I supposed to know
         That my mom was dead in the kitchen?"

CHANDLER: "I am telling you, years from now schoochildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable. We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games..."
MONICA: "So, have you called her yet?"
CHANDLER: "Let her know I like her, what are you, insane?"
MONICA AND PHOEBE: "Guys!?"
CHANDLER: "It's the next day, how needy do I want to seem? I'm right, right?"
JOEY AND ROSS: "Yeah, let her dangle."
MONICA: "I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one of you people!"
PHOEBE: "God, come on! Just do it! Call her. Stop being so testosterony!"
CHANDLER: "Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat."

JOEY: "Wanted: Female roomate. Non-smoker, non-ugly."

ROSS: "Can't we just use a pen?"
CHANDLER: "No, amish boy."

ROSS: "Nora. Mrs. Mom. Your Bing."

CHANDLER: "You kissed my best Ross!"

MONICA: "What's a niffle?"
JOEY: "It's usually found on the heaving beasts."

CHANDLER: "Phoebe Buffy in Buffay the Vampire Layer."

ROSS: "I think my marriage might be over."
PHOEBE: "Oh My God, why?"
ROSS: "Cause Carol's a lesbian, and I'm not...and apparently it's not a mix and match situation."

JOEY: "Ross, if homo sapiens actually were homosapiens , is that why they're extinct?"
ROSS: "Joey, they are people!"
JOEY: "Hey, I'm not judging!"

PHOEBE: "Aren't you just the cutest?"
CHANDLER: "I'm afraid I just might be."

MONICA: "Alright, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing."
CHANDLER: "Well, how do yo find clothes that fit?"

ROSS: "Do you guys know who Carl is?"
CHANDLER: "Let see...Alvin...Simon...Theodore...no."

EDDIE: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you talking about man?"
CHANDLER: "Hannibal Lector...better roommate than you."

CHANDLER: "Hey, stick a fork in me, I am done!"
PHOEBE: "Stick a fork what?"
CHANDLER: "Like when you're cooking a steak."
PHOEBE: "Oh, ok, I don't eat meat."
CHANDLER: "Well then, how do you know when vegetables are done?"
PHOEBE: "Well, you know, you just, you eat then and you can tell."
CHANDLER: "Ok then, eat me, I'm done."

CHANDLER: "You know that thing where we talk to each other about things? Let's not do that anymore."

JOEY: "How old is young Ethan?"
MONICA: "He's our age."
CHANDLER: "When we were...?"

RICHARD: "Well we had a table in college."
CHANDLER: "Oh really? I didn't know they had foosball in the 1800's!"

JOEY: "Ok, we'll just leave, and when we pass her on the stairs, she won't know it's me, 'cause we've never met."
CHANDLER: "That's how radio stars escape stalkers!"

CHANDLER: "Condoms?"
JOEY: "We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world."
CHANDLER: "And condoms are the way to do that?"

CHANDLER: "Hey Joey, be a pal. Lift my arm and smack her with it."

MONICA: "God, this is so hard, I can't decided between lamb or duck."
CHANDLER: "Of course lambs are scariers. Otherwise the movie would've been called, 'Silence of the Ducks.' "

CHANDLER: "Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might want to have a back-up plan though, just in case she isn't a cartoon."

EDDIE: "Hey man. Check it out, I got some great stuff to dehydrate here. I got some grapes, got some apricots, I thought it would be really cool to see what happens with these water balloons."
CHANDLER: "Get out. Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out."

ROSS: "I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99!"
RACHEL: "But your divorce isn't even final yet."
ROSS: "Just that one divorce in '99!"

JOEY: "Look, I kinda had a dream, but I don't want to talk about it."
CHANDLER: "Now what if Martin Luther King had said that? Yeah, I kinda had a dream. I-I don't want to talk about it."

ROSS: (on phone) "Hello. Hi. Yeah, no, she's right here. Um, hold on... (switches back to other line) Hi, Tony, can I call you back? That's, uh, that's my sister's boyfriend."
MONICA: "Give me that!"
ROSS: "Okay."
MONICA: "Hi sweetie, listen, before I forget, did I leave my diaphragm at your place?...Hi Mom..." (The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance)

JOEY: "Ross, are there, uh, are there naked chicks on that piece of paper?"
ROSS: "No, why?"
JOEY: "Well, I've just never seen a guy stare so hard a piece of paper that didn't have naked chicks on it." (The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance)

RACHEL: "Ross, hey, you know what might make it less boring?"
ROSS: "Thank you."
RACHEL: "Some, um, some visual aids."
JOEY: "Oh,ooh, oh, you know what's a good visual aid?"
ROSS: "Please don't say naked chicks."
JOEY: "Why not?"
ROSS: "I-I don't even know why I bothered to even talk to you guys about it. I'm just gonna do it on my own, with no naked chicks."
CHANDLER: "That's the way I did it till I was 19." (The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance)

(Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross walk in the apartment)
RACHEL: "Ta-da!"
CHANDLER: "Are we greeting each other this way now because I like that." (The One With The Butt)

MONICA: "You wanna hear something that sucks!"
CHANDLER: "Do I ever!" (The One With The Flashback)

FRANK: "Don't worry. She told me all abou the Lamazda stuff."
CHANDLER: "Yeah, that's when if you get the babies out by the end of the month, they give you 2% financing."
FRANK: "Yeah." (The One Hundredth)

MONICA: "You are so cute! How did you get to be so cute?"
CHANDLER: "Well, my grandfather was swedish and my grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny." (The One Where Everyone Finds Out)