Jokes To Go

1. What does a bee use to keep her hair so nice? --A Honeycomb

2. What do missionary churches in the southwest used to call people to church?--A bell-pepper

3. What does the car salesman do to learn math? --He hires a tutor (a two door)

4. What did the English teacher do when he saw the lion charging him?--He shake-spear.

5. What happened when the boy fell in the nuclear waste?--Son-shine.

6. Did you hear about the cleaner who ruined the clothes? --It was a shirt tale.

7. What did the momma sheep say to her misbehaving son? --Baaaaaadddddd boy.

8. How the fence maker communicate? --He posted on the web?

9. Why was the carpenter such a great guy? --He was on the level.

10. What happened to the very fat cow? --She was an utter drag?

11. What do you call a long horn sheep afloat on the ocean? --A sail-goat.

12. Why did the farmer win a prize? --He was outstanding in his field.

13. What do u call a 400 lb. priest buried to the waist in sand?  --A deep fat friar.

14. Did you hear about the man who was in the world record book for having the influenza for over 80 days? --It was a "Genius Flu"

15. Do you hear about the woman who was so relaxed at her job that she fell asleep? --She was a calm-puter operator.

16. Did you hear about the man who sold chimpanzees?-- He had a monkey business.

17. What do you call a dog who lives in a Chevy? --a car-pet

18. What do you use to clean the highway? --a road-mop.

19. What is worse than a spelling bee?...a letter-jacket.

20. What do you call a sheep that wears blue evening dress? A blue suede ewe.

21. What do you call a country woman's idiot husband? --A Sadie Hawkins dunce.

22. What instrument does a line backer play?  Flute ball

23. What do you call a duck who hoards cookies in a backpack? --a quacker cracker packer.

24. What do you call a little boy who is obsessed with primates and doesn't take baths?  --a funky monkey junkie.

25. did you hear about the new alternative country music group?
--Limp Brisket

26. What do blueberry farmers invest in for the stock market? --berry bonds.

27. How do they fix potholes on the streets of haven? --with good intentions (The road to haven is paved with good intentions.)

28. Where do you keep sports equipment? In the ball-room.

29. What is an architect's theme song? --stairs and steps forever.

30. Why did the old woman knit in the  back lobby? --She wanted to weave me a loan.

31. What do you call a plant that shocks you when you touch it? --a stun-flower.

32. How do you record a speech form a Washington politician? --on a DC Player.

33. What did the skunk say at mass?--church pew!

34. Where did the skunk graduate? --P U

35. Why don't spies go into the forest?  --to many bugs.

36. Where does a dog go for pastry? --a barkery.

37. What do you call a tiny preacher? -- a mini-ster.

38. What did the young child do when he had a cold? -- little boy blew!

39. What do you call a truck that transports spring water?  --a brook-mobile.

40. What do you call a board game made of hamburger left out over night?  Limp burger chess.

41. After trying to make cholesterol free eggs, researches have given up and gone back to classic yoke. 

42. What do an out of work woman and a baseball player have in common? both are diamondbacks.

43. What do you call a cowboy's good book? --the Get-along Bible.

44. What did the print shop install to keep people from breaking in the store?  A flier alarm

45. What do electricians use to get their news?  A fuse paper.

46. Why did the boy drive the Jeep into the ocean? --He wanted a car-port.

47. A family vacationed at Robert E. Lee's ranch. While their the youngest girl fell into the pond. It took several hours but they finally found her.  She was perfectly alright.  That was a Lake Lee story.

48. Did you hear about the barber who cut hair with stationary? --It was a paper clip.

49. Did you hear about the man who kidnapped Old Man Vichyezeski? --He was arrested for taking a poll.

50. What do fish use to paint their pictures? --a craw-ola.