Well, now I'm a mom. Kinda weird,
thinking that. Even weirder holding my daughter in my arms.
Nevermind that she looks like I did when I was a baby. She's
mine, not me.
I always thought I'd be a mom
at 25. Just never really figured it'd happen. What I mean is,
I can think about being a mom, but I never thought I'd BE a
mom. Being a mom is a lot harder than what it seems to be. I'm
just lucky to have Jesse to lean on. I never would have survived
the stress of learning to breastfeed our daughter if not for
him. Nor would I have been able to bandage my "wound"
(as my OBGYNs call it) by myself. However, he does put his foot
down when it comes to cleaning my "wound". I do that
myself.
I didn't really go thru a postpartum
depression or an onset of the baby blues. Mostly, it was frustration
at not being able to breastfeed "adequately or in style"
right away. It took a lot of trial and error and practice on
both mine and Morgan's parts. Pillows help. I was so scared
I wasn't doing something right or that I wasn't producing enough
milk and Morgan would suffer because I couldn't live up to what
I thought I should be. I've even had random thoughts of how
easily she could be injured. These scare me more than anything
else, no matter how indestructible everyone assures me infants
are.
I enjoy watching Jesse hold Morgan
and talk to her. It's amazing how gentle he is with her. He
keeps mentioning how he never thought he'd ever have children
but how cute she is...thanks to me. Of course my response to
that is: We just have good genes. WE did a good job. So much
for my dominant persuasive personality.
She's so cute! My grandmother
Baker sent me some pictures of me when I was little..Its amazing
how much Morgan looks like me...even if I was wearing a PINK
jumper. *ick face* I hate pink!
Oh, well..guess you can't have
everything.
