There Were Times It Felt Good

By: Kerry Wisner

There were times it felt good, I went for attention and this is what I got-was molested many times-that includes rapes as a child.

No one cared enough to help me.

I have DID/MPD. We are co-conscious. “Julianna” has been with me since I was a baby. She said the abuse started when I was 4 months old. It went on all the way through my supposed childhood. My abusers were Dad, Grandpa, Keith-touched 2 times-never again, Kent, Kelly, others-as child and adult.

By age 3&1/2-Grandpa raped me. Don't know if it happened more than once at the age or not. Could have happened age 6. I was raped by Grandpa and 2 other men when I was 7.

I know I didn't ask for this. Grandpa called me princess - wish he never had. I sat in his lap a lot -he loved touching as much as he could get away with when others weren't looking. He would put the chair back-I wasn't able to get out. I also was scared of him.

He died when I was 13. Memories didn't begin returning till I was 39. I am 41 since this past January. Makes me feel dirty even though I know I am not. I hate what all my abusers did to me.

Grandpa was in the Masons-things happened at their temple. I was there as a baby-Grandpa and others fondled me (&?) at the temple. I was taken at age 11-Grandpa and 3 other men raped me. I have triplet younger selves just from that incident-“SoftEagle, SoftOwl, SoftRaven.”

I didn't deserve this. No one does. It still makes me put my eyes to the floor a lot when I talk about it. I suppose that is shame. I don't know how to get rid of that feeling.

At times I feel like I had a sign on me when I was born-”Abuse Me.” Mom didn't protect me. Grandpa was also into black witchcraft. Too much to tell.

My personal faith in Jesus helps me get through each day. I am glad to keep living for God, my husband, and 4 children, and pets, family and friends.

Please send any comments on this piece to Kerry in care of Survivor Haven

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