“Can I help you with anything in particular?”
“Just looking thanks.” Kevin replied to the saleslady while entering the boutique.
“Sure, just let me know if you need any help.”
“Thanks.”
Kevin searched the store thoroughly, looking for bras for Emma. When he came up empty-handed, he finally went over the saleslady.
“Hi, I…uh…can’t really find what I’m looking for here.”
“What exactly are you looking for?” she questioned.
Kevin was somewhat embarrassed and for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why. Things like this usually didn’t embarrass him. He had no problem buying condoms, lubricant or dirty magazines when he did; what was the big deal about a bra? The only thing he could figure was that the saleslady was a little on the older side. A grandmother of someone…somewhere… she made him nervous. He felt like he was a kid again, sneaking into a drug store to buy cigarettes.
“Bra’s. I’m looking for some bras for my wife.”
“Sure honey, what size do you need?”
“Big.” Kevin’s head lowered.
“Oh, well I need a little more information that that. Do you know what cup size?”
There was no way he could forget the cup size. When he first put her clothes away back before their wedding, it was the first and last thing he noticed. “F.”
“Okay that’s a start. How about her size around?”
“Around what?” he questioned.
“Around her…”
He interrupted her, “Oh yeah, I remember seeing the tag when I was putting her things away…let me think a minute.” Kevin closed his eyes, “Yeah, a 64 that’s it 64F.”
“Oh my dear…I don’t think that’s possible. She would be a rather LARGE lady with a bra that size.” The saleslady brought out a cloth measuring tape and showed Kevin what 64 inches around would be like. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen one that size before.”
Kevin’s eyes opened wide, “Oh that’s definitely wrong. Maybe it was a 34F…does that sound more like it?”
“Yes dear.” The saleslady had to stifle her laughter when she looked back at Kevin, who looked completely mortified.
She pulled out a drawer and set it on the counter. “We really don’t have much choice in that size.” Holding up a nursing bra she questioned, “Is she nursing?”
The nursing bra mesmerized Kevin; it was quite intriguing. It had clasps on the front that you pulled down… obviously for easier access to nurse, but he was thinking about easier access for him.
Charade Kevin, charade…you are not in love with her, you don’t need easier access to anything she has…
“No, she’s not nursing.”
“Okay then, well there are only two other styles here. They both only come in white; one has an under wire and one doesn’t.”
Kevin looked in horror at the ugly things before him. They each had five or six hooks on the back. He couldn’t even imagine being drunk and trying to get those things undone.
He shook his head, “Oh well, can I special order some prettier ones? I mean, my wife already has those plain-jane looking things, I was looking for something nicer.”
“Sure, you can special order them…but they aren’t cheap.” She eyed Kevin over; noting that he looked like that wouldn’t be a problem.
“Don’t matter, let’s do that.”
She handed Kevin a book full of bras; all of which were definitely more eloquent. He took his time and selected eight new ones, all in different colors and designs. Some were a solid color; others were mutli-colored with a floral pattern. When he was finished filling out the order form, he handed it to the saleslady.
“Now, can I get some underwear to match those?”
“Sure can. What style do you want?”
Kevin scrunched up his nose, “Style?”
The saleslady rolled her eyes; this guy was quite a character. She held up three different styles of panties. “This is called French-cut, this one is a brief…I refer to it as grandma underwear, shhh…and this one is a bikini style.”
Kevin chuckled at her comment…she looked liked she could’ve been a great-grandma. “Okay, well I don’t know which one she’d prefer…so, how about if I order them all?” He handed her back the brief, “Except the brief.”
“So, you want the two pairs of panties for each bra you ordered? One pair will be French-cut, one pair will be bikini…is that right?” The saleslady asked while jotting down something on a piece of paper.
She was confusing the hell out of Kevin. “Yeah…that’s sixteen pairs right?”
“Yes sir.” She stopped writing and looked up at him, “Okay, what size?”
“Ah shit…” Kevin covered his mouth with his hand, “I mean crap…I don’t know…can’t we just order an average size? We’ve only been married a little over a month now and I don’t do the laundry, so I’m not sure what size.”
“Do you want to call her and ask her?”
“Nope.”
The saleslady looked perplexed, “Okay, an average size would be about a seven. Does this look about right?” She held up a size seven pair of panties for Kevin to view.
“I guess…listen I’m not sure, how about if we order them in a size six, seven, eight, nine, ten and eleven? That way I can’t miss…right?” Kevin smiled.
“If you say so dear.” She grabbed her paper and began chewing on the tip of her pen, “So that makes eight bras, two styles of panties; bikini and French-cut to match each bra in sizes six through eleven…. that makes eight bras and ninety-six pairs of panties…Right?”
“Sure, sounds good.”
“Are you sure you want to buy ninety-six pairs of panties young man? That’s an awful lot of panties you know.”
“I know…I guess she won’t have to do the laundry quite as often then.” Kevin chuckled and the saleslady laughed right along with him.
“Well, I do have to say that this is a first for me. I’ve never had anyone special order ninety-six pairs of panties…I do hope she appreciates it. Let me get you your total here.”
Kevin pulled out his wallet and got his credit card ready.
“Okay, so that’s eight bras at $45.00 a piece and ninety-six panties at $15.00 a piece…tax will be $113.72…your total is…. $2,009.72…” She looked up at Kevin, “Are you sure you don’t want to call your wife?”
“Nah, I’sall good. Here you go.” He handed her the credit card and remarked, “I just hope it wasn’t the briefs that she wanted.” Kevin chuckled with his southern drawl.
The saleslady was laughing so hard she was crying. Handing the credit card back to Kevin, she reached over and grabbed the nursing bra in a size 34F.
“Here you go dear…with all those pretty bras and panties, I’m sure your little wife is going to need a nursing bra before long. It’s on the house!” She handed him the package and Kevin blushed.
“I do believe you’re blushing young man. Thanks for the laugh…you made my day!”
Kevin could feel his face getting hotter as he turned to leave. “Your welcome.”
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that woman and her little girl from the street standing near the counter on the other side. He could tell by the look on the woman’s face that she knew what just went down.
Holding up the bag, he nodded and smirked. “Britney’s gonna be on tour a lot you know, I figure ninety-six panties will last a while. What’d ya’ll think?”
Tsk…Tsk…Justin’s a naughty boy…buying panties for a girl and he isn’t even married!
