Quickies

A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a barstool alone. He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?" She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody at any time, any where -- your place or my place,it doesn't matter to me." The guy raises his eyebrows and says......... "No shit, what law firm do you work for?" =======================================================


How do you Know when you're REALLY ugly? Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

======================================================= What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?Say, "Nice dick."

======================================================= How do you know you're leading a sad life? When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

======================================================= Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?Because they have cotton balls.

======================================================= Why is being in the military like a blowjob? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

======================================================= Why did God create alcohol? So ugly people have a chance to have sex too.

======================================================= What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?"

======================================================= What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.

======================================================= What three two-letter words denote "small"? "Is it in?"

======================================================= Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.