Carlinisms

Carlinisms
  • Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

  • How can there be self-help "groups"?

  • How do you get off a non-stop flight?

  • How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

  • How many weeks are there in a light year?

  • If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he
  • still hear his walkman?

  • If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts
  • get mistletoe?

  • If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy
  • all her friends?

  • If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't
  • deaf people wear earmuffs?

  • If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still
  • pet them?

  • If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut
  • butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made
  • out of?

  • If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

  • If swimming is good for your shape, then why do
  • the whales look the way they do?

  • If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do
  • they make fog horns out of?

  • If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go
  • with sushi?

  • If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have
  • parking lots?

  • If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

  • If you take an Oriental person and spin him
  • around several times, do he become
  • disoriented

  • Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a
  • picture of a running child?

  • Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?

  • Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game,"
  • when we are already there?

  • Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
  • called rush hour?




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