LOUIS' PAGE
A Little Information
- Hello, my name is Louis. I'm 16 years old and I live in Texas. This is my site. It's boring, but I'm doing the best I can so bear with me. That's my picture above. Sorry, I couldn't find a way to make them clearer. The pointer (if it's working) is Laetita Casta, a hot French model. If something pops up telling you to download a cursor program, do it. It just takes a second. Oh, and what do you think of my multi-talented animated girl?
Jokes
A boss is sat in the office one morning when one of his employees, who had a terrible history for taking time off, phones in:
"I'm sorry, but I'll not be able to come in today as I'm too sick."
On hearing this his exasperated boss could barely conceal his anger and retorted in a rage: "well, just how sick are you exactly?"
"Well" the employee sighed, "I'm in bed with my sister!"
A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed. The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.
The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. "Good God, Dear," he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!" She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning." What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp. Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. What do tornadoes, hurricanes and redneck divorces have in common?
Someone's fixin' to lose a trailer home.Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and saying, "Lie to me!"
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
We're closed - Beat it.
Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
She's withholding evidence.
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mom.
Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people have a chance to have sex too.
What three two-letter words can destroy a man’s ego?
"Is it in?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in,
what do you have?
Divorce proceedings.
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
What do you do when you come across an elephant?
Wipe it off.
A Couple's in the living room. He says, "You're dry tonight."
She says, "You're licking the rug."
Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for men?
No phone numbers.
Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
He heard the snowblower coming.Every Man's Dream
An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a
good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place. Then the Irishman
says,
"Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there's a
better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and
MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"
The others agree that sounds like a nice place. Then the Italian says,
"Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one.
Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink,
Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink."
Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.
Then the Polish guy says, "You think that's great? Where I come from,
there's this place called Warshowski's. At Warshowski's, they buy you your
first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third
drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"
"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to
you?" "No," replies the Polish guy, "but it happened to my sister!" A guy walks into a bar and sits down and looks over at a beautiful woman in the corner. The bar tender tells him not to go
near that girl because she is a hooker, but the guy goes over to
her despite the bartender's warning. He asks her how much it
would be for a hand job and she says two-hundred-dollars. He says wow isn't
that a little steep? She says see that Ferrari out there? I got that from
just doing hand jobs. So he says ok and gets the best hand job of his life. So he goes back the next day and asks how much it would be for
a blow job. She says three-hundred-dollars. The guy says well isn't that
a little steep? She says see that three level apartment, I got that from
doing blow jobs. So he gets the blow job and it's the best he has ever felt.
So he goes back the next day and asks how much full sex would be. She says
see that island out there, I would own that island if I had a pussy. Well, that's pretty much it for now. Maybe I'll add some more stuff later. Who knows. See ya.
