You know what people? i've given up hope, i'm starting to like green. Any way heres some essays, poems, um other crap that we thought u would all enjoy. Well enjoy.
THE GOOD OLD DAYS By Chris
Chances are that you've heard that overused nostalgic phrase. "Those were the good old days." well, a few things about this phrase disturb me, first off those days were not generally good for everybody. Say, for instance, there are two people havving a conversation, lets call them Bob and Romulus, (there aren't enough Romuluses walking around i think.) Anyway Bob says to Romulus, "Yep those were the good old days." And romulus says, "Maybe they were good for you but i was in prison." Now Bob has offended Romulus, and a wedge has been driven between two very good friends, all because of this evil phrase.
BEDBUGS By Chris
When you are a young child, most parents will tuck you into bed with the phrase, "Don't let the bedbugs bite." A few things about this particular phrase bother me. First off, What is a Bed bug? Why have i never seen these creatures? I've never met anyone who has had a bedbug encounter.Secondly, what is it that your parents expect you to do if you do have a bedbug encounter? "Don't let them bite." Well! How am i going to stop them? Parents don't give you instructions on what to do in case of a bedbug encounter. What kind of tools will i need to do battle with the bedbugs? Is there a special technique to fighting bedbugs? If anybody knows how to stop a potential bedbug invasion, please let me know as i would consider this important information.
THE "BED" CONSPIRACY By Chris
When you wake up, first thing in the morning, your parents don't check for "bedbug" bites, they don't congratulate you on thwarting these horrible beases, the first thing thye tell you to do is, "Go make your bed." They want me to make my bed...into what? What would they like it to be? Why can't it stay a bed? I like my bed. I think i'm going to need more information to get this job done. Can i get a blue print of this contraption that i am in charge of building? I believe that i lack the ingenuity or the basic raw materials to do any such project. Supose i'm underestimating myself, suppose i do posses the technical know-how to fill this strange request. Where am i going to sleep now? They probably didn't even think about that. Abd what exactly is it they need this devise for? Do they have a sinister plot afoot? How far up does this thing go?
THE KENNEY SONG By Kenney
IN ORDER FOR YOU TO BEST UNDERSTAND THIS INGENIUS PEICE OF POETIC ABILITY YOU MUST FIRST UNDERSTAND THAT KENNEY IS SEMI-RETARDED =-) BUT SERIOUSLY ALL THESE LINES COME FROM VERSES TO DIFFERENT SONGS. THE GAME IS TO FIGURE OUT WHICH LINES COME FROM WHICH SONG. FUN HUH?
Kenney knows he's a baller and he doesn't wanna be a little taller. Why would he want a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a 6'4 father?It's Kenney time ohhhhh ohhhh ohh here comes the Kenney! Can you smell what the kenney is cooking? Stop, in the name of Kenney. Before he throws you a penny, think it o-o-over. Everyone loves Kenney they love him, they love him, and where he goes they'll follow, they'll follow. He'll always be their true love from now until forever. Ghetto superstar. That is what Kenney are. Coming from that backseat, of a ghetto car. Don't laugh at Kenney, don't call him names, don't get your pleasuer from his pain. In God's eyes were all the same. Some day Kenney will have perfect wings. Don't laugh at Kenney Kenney is white white baby! Kenney has a little lamb, a little lamb, and every where it will follow, or it will get hurt.
THE SEVEN TYPES OF BASTARDS
1. Cheating bastard
2. Lieing bastard
3. Inbred bastard
4. Queer bastard
5. Stupid bastard
6. Communist bastard
7. Smelly bastard
Then the hidden type of bastard. Adam Estes. Yes this is one asshole that you just want to play "13" with. The rules for "13" will be posted later. But more about that little cocksucker. Noone really likes him. I mean sometimes he's cool but mostly he's just an arrogant ass that shaves his legs. Yes folks, he shaves his legs. What kind of man would shave their legs? A Queer bastard thats who. Also since he does it he's stupid. Stupid bastard. Adam is a queer stupid bastard. But the laughs don't stop just yet. His whole family is related to someone elses family in Florence, so you know what that makes him? Inbred! Inbred, queer, stupid bastard. He denies these accusations which means he's a liar, Lieing bastard Adam Estes. He cheated on a Final in Science, then he told on someone else for cheating, so he's a cheating bastard as well. Adam Estes mooches off others to gain his own benefits ergo he's a communist. Communist bastard Adam Estes. The smelly thing just goes without saying. pppppeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwweeeeeee!!
Adam Estes is the epitamy of bastardhood!
THE RULES FOR "13"
There are no real set rules for "13". Its mainly a card game that always ends up in poking the loser. There are many ways to do this. First you can tell them that the Ace beats everything if u have it. So you win. Then you can say that you were supposed to go in order, your opponent did not go in order, again you win. "13" is a game without any winners its usually just a game that has one loser. So if you don't like someone, gang up on him in the lovely game of "13". Speaking of which, you have just been online over 13 minutes. Remind me to poke you if i ever see you.The game of 13 has evolved past it card game origins, into a game of rndom poking, at any mention of the number 13. or basicly at any point you feel like poking someone. so the next time you feel the urge to poke someone (preferibly a communist) why not just call "13" on them, and if they dont underdstnd, poke them again.Then they may try to poke you, if they do, accuse them of cheating and... yep you guessed it poke them again. the best victims for this game are the handicapped, the elderly, and small children.
Well here i am before u in judgement....i lost the password, my mom downloaded a computer, i dated a fuckin crackhead, and now i smoke ciggarettes. What more do you people want from me. Chris and i finally caught each other online at the same time now and we are going to start actually updating this site more frequently so good luck to all of you in understanding anything we write. =-)
I work at dennys here in oklahoma and i've come to find out that there are a bunch of really mean people that go to dennys after church. Why is this? You bastards dont tip and your extremely rude to all the workers, i find that very non-christian. If any one out there has this exact same problem dont hesitate to email Chris or myself and tell us your story. Once...or if we get enough stories saved up we will post them up for every one to read. Any stories will do, but they must be funny, or bashing communists. Anyways back to my story before i got off track. I waited on these two old bastards when one said "My food isnt warm enough" so i said ok and then stuck it in the microwave. Well it still wasnt hot enough for him. So i took it back and stuck it in the microwave for about 9 minutes. When i took that cocksuckers food out he burnt his mouth on the food. I stood there and laughed at him. HAHAHAHA i thought to myself the old bastard finally got his food hot enough for him. Well it wasnt 2 minutes later they left and didnt leave me a god damn penny. Well i want to know if i was in the wrong for making his food to hot. Or was it just the fact that they had no money because they gave it in offering so their preacher could buy a prostitute. I think the whole religious system is run by commys. Only a religious leader can get a way with rape and molesting a child, anyone else would be behind bars. Think about that next time your sitting in church and u wonder why everyones collecting offerings....their doing it to bail out their brothers.
CUSS WORDS BY TERRELL
What is so wrong with cuss words, to me there just words. Like if i said "Fuck that bitch is fuckin hot as all shit!" The lady would take offence to that. But if i said "My, my darling your look extremely radiant tonight. Stunning arent you?" The lady would be all over my penis like semen on Monica Lewinskys dress. So i guess what i'm trying to say is...even though i curse my thought thats going across is heartfelt and sincere. If i said "Holy shit look at the ass on that hoochie skank!" what i really mean is "My those pants that you are wearing really bring out all the curves on your exquisit body. Just looking at you in those pants make me want to caress your beatiful body near me all night. Make love to me." So you see my thoughts are sincere here people. And i think that every guy is the same way i am. So girls if a guy calls you a "fuckin bitch" he might just be complimenting you. Or he could be calling you a fuckin bitch.
Laughing all the way to the bank
Now this phrase is alright, as long as hes close to the bank, and hes only going one time. But what if the bank is in another state? i would get pretty tired of laughing after a while no matter how much money im making. If mybe i were alowed breaks in between the laughing, i may be able to streach it out, or if it wasnt a full laugh, maybe a snicker. And also, do you keep laughing when you get to the bank, when youre tlaking to the teller, i would think you would look a little suspicous. and what if thre is line at the bank? Do you hav to lagh the whole time youre standing there? this phrase needs to be more specific!
Rant against teletubbies.
wel it about 7:30 in the morning and i was jut watching tv, when i passed by the teletubbies, so i stopped to watch it, dont ask me why im not sure. but after aout 15 minutes of this i came to the realization that somthing has gone terribbly wrong in the world of childrens television. i mean pbs is famous for having the most mild and tame shows on, but this show is horrifying. first off, there s about 5 words of actuall english spoken. the rest is jibberish (witch im sure is filled with communist propaganda) second the show follows no plot, there is no sence of structure or purpose to this show, it is niether educational nor entertaining. parents would rather have thier kids watching tis than violent cartoons. at least in voilent cartoons there is a sence of purpose,they have daily goals to meet, not to mention the speak an actuall languge. this show is turning childrens brains into mush, its not even teaching them how to speak for crying out loud!
Rules for the dozens
The dozens is a game invented in order to make fun of someones mother. The rules are very simple, you just make a rhyme. Here are a few examples "You wanna play the dozens? the dozens is a game, but the way i fucked your mother, is a goddamn shame" and another is "You wanna play the dozens? the game of certain diss, but when i fucked your mother, i made her drink my piss." Theres a few for yall to start out with. Now go and have fun.
I have recently come to discover through my random rants against communists that they are indeed bastards beyond belief. That is all
In Oklahoma, where i'm at for the time being...theres a debate on whether or not there should be a lottery. Now i think every other state in america has a lottery accept Oklahoma. But the reason why oklahoma wont get one is because all the bible thumpers (the ones you see in the bar every night getting hammered) are against the lottery. And since Oklahoma is in the bible belt they wont pass the law. Now what i want to know is, why not? What is so wrong with the lottery that these drunken preachers wont pass the lottery bill? I also found out that the money the senators and such get to run for election comes from OUR TAXES!! Thats right ladies and gentlemen our taxes, what we pay the state in order for our roads to get fixed and for our children to have a better education goes to these bastards so they can get elected and run our lives. Now i'm not saying all our taxes go there but a certain percentage does. Why is that? Shouldnt these people have enough money on their own that they dont need ours? Well theres my rant people, if you have any thoughts about this then email either Chris or myself please. And sign the guestbook.
The other day i got pulled over and got a ticket for excessive speeding and i almost got my car impounded. It sucked major monkey balls. But the thing that sucked most about it was the fact that the cops made me sit and wait about an hour before they even talked to me. A car sped past us and the cop yelled at them to stop and you know what they did? they stopped!! how moronic is that...the cop is on foot and by himself and your just gonna stop because he said so...he didnt get the plate number that fast so theres no way he could really call it in...all those people had to do was just keep on going, but they decided to stop and get a ticket. how dumb.
Aight heres the situationthe anti communist webring has come crawling back to us begging us to join their web ring. After like a year of keeping us in suspence and us finding rings else where that enjoy us. Even though their pretty shitty web rings. But its fine because webrings bring us more people. what we need to know is should we do it?....Email us with your answer....i'm going to try to get one of those online poll thingies.
RANT AGAINST OKLAHOMA
this is the state i was born in. i lived here from the time i was born till i was about 3, the again form the time i was 11 till i was 15. now both of those time i ddint realize exactly how bad this place sucks, now i do. oklahoma is a state without one single hill,just flatness form one side to the other, if you get on a stepstool, you can see all the way across. now for some reason this non-hilly area attracts the most white-traah, imbread people imaginable.i have noticed driving on the highways, that people do about 10 miles an hour under the speed limit, they actually have to post a minimum speed limit sigh here! at first i would get angry at these people, but now i truly understand thier prblem. they have nothing to be in a hurry about. beacuse wherever they are going..... its still in oklahoma. and threfore what would be the hurry, wherever they came from sucked, and chances are good wherever they are going sucks just as bad. now the paticular town i live in. enid oklahoma, the first weekend i was here i went out, to see what everybody does for fun, what i saw was a sight that made me swell up with pitty for those who have lived here all thier lives.people driving up and down the same road over and over again, and some stopping in the sonic parking lot. thats right folks, the hot party spot in town is SONIC.... oh but at 11 o clock, when sonic closes they all go to the after party, you will never guess ehere the after party is located..... the walgreens parking lot. i couldnt make this shit up if i wanted to. fucking walgreeens, they go and hang out in the walgreens parking lot and throw things in the road for people to run over. talk about fun shit.
The Bike Story
I guess i need to give you an update before i can start this story, i now attend Texas State University in San Marcos, Texas, which is very well known for its incredable party school status. So anyway last week terrell comes down to visit me, it had been a while since we had seen each other, and we had never been drunk togather, so this night we decide to make some donkeypunch, which i will list the ingrediants for later. donkeypunch is a very, very strong and alcholic drink that we usually reserve for the weekends around here, becuse people have a tendancy to get compleatly out of control. so terrell and i drink a shitload of donkeypunch, then Gregg shows up and i take a beerbong full of red bull and vodka, needless to say im feeling pretty fucked up. so anyway, back to the story. terrell, me, and some guy named scott who we just met decide to go for a walk through the woods, which led to a walk through some neighborhood, and on our way back i see a flashlight moving around by our house, then i see a shiny badge. i know its a cop and he has already spotted me and terrell, so we come out of the woods, scott bailed at some point before the cops saw him. the cop says, "is that your bike?" i have no fucking clue what the hell he is talking about, then i turn around and notice Terrell has stolen a little girls bike from somewhere, complete with tassells and training wheels. after much negotioation, which included me telling the cop, "if i take the bike back will you leave us the hell alone?" i somehow convence the cop that i am more sober than terrell and i should take the bike back. so off i go stumbling through the woods, not having any clue where the hell the bike came from, after about 20 minutes of falling down and stumbling i return to the subdivision and place the bike on a lawn, apperantly apon returning i had another encounter with the police of which i have no memory, but Gregg ushered me home and Terrell and I escaped the incident without going to jail.
Ingrediants for donkeypunchWARNING! THIS IS EXTREMLY POTENT
Donkeypunch is an amazing drink, but it has been know to lead to acts of vandalsim, theft, public unrination, vomiting, and it is respocible for getting people evicted from thier house.
ingredients: 1 Gallon of fruit juice2 cans of lemonade conentrate one three liter of spriteand one bottle of everclear3 bags of ice, please feel free to try it, and email us some of your donkeypunch stories, we would love to hear them
THE WORD OF THE WEEK FOR 03/12/04 IS
Skeet- the act of jizzing on some one
donkey punch- 1.when ones penis becomes lodged in a girls ass, this is a usefull manover to escape without getting feekle matter on one's self. it is a well timed punch to the back of the head usually accompanied by "let go bitch" causing the females anal muscles to release, thus freeing your trapped penis.;2. a delicious alchoholic drink.
THE SHOCKER-- it's very simple: two in the pink, one one in the stink!
Baruising- To browse, to fuck around...for example we were baruising the mall
ri-donkey-diculious- a tomfoolery that is so jack-ass'sh that it can only be classified as ri-donkey-diculous.
rememberance- i forgot
yarf- to vomit while drunk; example last night i yarfed in my bathtub
nerd- that reject you always made fun of, the one that always sat in front of the class, reminded the teacher that she forgot to give out homework, and the one that signs your paycheck now.
piss poor- anything that you believe is not good, like george bush's reason for war with Iraq is piss poor
oklahoma sentince- being forced, by circumstances beyond your control to live in oklahoma. Terrell, my esteemed colleuge, just finished his, where as i am just begining mine.
spunk- male excrement
shpadoinkle- when the sky is blue and all the leaves are green, and your hearts as full as a baked potato, i think you know precisely what i mean, when i say its a shpadoinkle day
tinkle- the act of releasing liquid bodily fluid from ones genetalia. see also piss and urinate
propilactic- a condom, just a big word for a condom, they say it on tv when they dont just wanna say condom.
Oklahoma Christmas- where your car gets impounded with your christmas gifts inside and you cant afford to get it out
anomeatia-this means anal sex with a female partner
anililagnia- this is the sexual desire for older women
feeklefeliac- word used to describe a person who is obsessed with feces, otherwise known as a shit-lover.
homo-erotic- this word basically means that say for instance Chris see's a guy naked and gets turned on that would be homo-erotic...he might not have the gay tendency to fuck him in the ass but never the less he's turned on by the naked man...then he'll fuck him in the ass cause he's a gay bastard.
bastardize- to make somthing bastard-like. for example, terrell winans claiming to be a hetro-sexual bastardizes the word hetro-sexual.
Auto-fellatio; the preformance of the ancient art of fellatio on yourself, very few people inthe world ar capable of auto-fellatio, for a good reason, 99% of all great accomplishments the male gender has made have been done for one sole purpose. trying to get laid. if men were able to achive this on thier own, the world would collapse on itself, there would be no future generations, becuse men wold lose intrest in the procreation process, so beware of this weeks word of the week, this is a very dangerous term!
Bastard- A child that was born out of wedlock/ a child that has no father/ or a really big jerk
Kinkos- A communist run store that thrives on humilating customers and scanning pictures that wont work
Karey Insel- A whore that broke up with me to date her ex that beat the shit out of her for a year.
Sodomize- To fornicate anally
mullet- a hairstyle consisting of short hair on the top and long hair in the back. popular in the 70's, and now very popular among imbreads.
Harlot- An old fashion whore
Analingous-the anal version of Cunnulingus
CockBlock- to behave in a manner that prevents another from reciving sexual gratification.
Tea Bag- To dip your balls into another persons mouth in order to gain sexual gratification
Fornicate- The act of sex outside of marrige, (the beginings of a bastard!)
Salad Toss- To get your asshole eaten out with syrup
Trick-(trik) a prostitute, or the act of prostitution.
Mastacate-(mastah kate) Scientific word meaning to chew
Cunnulingus-(kun ue lingus) is the scientific word for "eating a woman out" this word is very cool.
Fellatio-The scientific term for "blowjob"