TTT Corporation presents - The World Cricket XI of the Eighties.
Proudly sponsored by
"When only the besTTT will do"
The TTT Corporation has been a keen supporter of Australian cricket for many years. Some of us, namely The MP, Warrior and DJ decided some months ago that many of the great players of the 1980s have never been given the recognition they deserve. It was for this reason that TTT, in association with the good people from the Benson & Hedges Company (now a TTT subsidiary) decided to compile a team of the best players of the Eighties. We decided to create both an Australian XI and a World XI. Our hope is that one day soon, TTT will be able to bring these two teams together for the ultimate Test Match to be held at the TTTCG (formerly the SCG).
It must be stressed that talent and actual cricketing ability were not considered important in the selection of these teams. In fact, lack of talent, as well as notoriety and obscurity were considered the most important criteria by the selectors. Also considered were the average tightness of the player's shirts, and, particularly for the World XI, players with funny names and weird looking players.
After much discussion and consternation, the selectors finally came up with the following teams (in batting order):
Australian XI
1. Andrew Hilditch - One of the greatest of Australian opening batsmen. He's a national selector now, but his playing days are just too often forgotten.
2. Graeme Wood - Another of the giants of opening batmen, came in and out of the side more times than the Prince has been to the Palace.
3. Greg Ritchie - The Fatcat himself, was just another average, overweight washed up former player until his remarkable talent for comedy was discovered.
4. Dirk Wellham - Some four eyes bloke who once took a classic catch.
5. Mike Valleta(c) - In the mind of the Warrior, this player will always be associated with truly shithouse batting. He could never escape the level of mediocrity that wracked the Aussie team in the mid 80s
6. Greg Dyer (wk) - Was resident Aussie 'keeper for about a season and a half before that unfortunalte 'catch that wasn't a catch' incident.
7. Tony Dodemaide - Another forgotten warrior, and forgotten for a good reason too.
8. Peter Sleep - The spinner. This was a tough one. Selectors also considered Ray Bright, Bob 'Dutchie' Holland and 'Peter Who' Taylor.
9. Chris Matthews - The fast bowler, lesser known that the other 'Yeah Yeah' Matthews, and with even less talent too. Was flogged all over the field by the West Indies in one of his few matches.
10. Len Pascoe - This quickie was selected purely on the extreme tightness of his shirts. With a shirt that tight it's a wonder he could bowl at all.
11. Simon Davis - This fella is the ultimate player of the Eighties. Played one test (against NZ), took no wickets, scored no runs and took no catches. He is the B&H International Cricketer of the 80s - he wins the Datsun hands down
12th Man. Trevor Chappell - the lesser of the famous brothers. Best remembered for the event which nearly sparked a war with New Zealand.
Well....maybe not
The mighty Chris Matthews in action during his best bowling spell (1/145)
The TTTCG. The venue for our proposed match.
World XI
1. Najot Sidhu - Indian opening batsman remembered by the DJ for a poster in the MCG crowd saying "Knock Knock. Who's There? Sid. Sidhu"
2. Mark Greatbatch - NZ opener, once batted for a day and a half for about 100 runs. Possibly the most boring batsman ever.
3. Ramiz Raja - Actually quite a useful Paki batsman, but his name's pretty funny so he made the team.
4. Chris Broad (c) - Scored shitloads of runs during the 86-87 Ashes tour, then smashed the stumps during the Bicentennial Test and was never heard from again.
5. Larry Gomes - Useful West Indian all rounder with a large afro.
6. Wasim Bari - Another guy with an afro. Remembered by the DJ as looking like a "wig with gloves".
7. Phil De Freitas - English all-rounder. Sometimes you'd forget he was even in the match
8. Eddie Hemmings - Pommy spinner who was still playing at the age of about 65
9. Sarfraz Narwaz - Lethal fast bowler. Included in the team for his notoriety. Hand him a brown paper bag and he'll give you the result you want
10. Gladstone Small - English quickie with no neck
11. Danny Morrison - Kiwi bowler. Holds the world record for most ducks.
12th Man. Venkatapathy Raju - Some Indian bloke, no idea who he is, but with a name this funny he's got to be in there somewhere
Chris Broad - We hope he didn't smash that rather pricey looking prize of his
Hopefully we will be able to bring these two teams together soon. If you have any comments or opinions on our team, or if you would like to suggest some more players whom you think deserve consideration, please e-mail us. We'll probably ignore your suggestions, but we'd love to hear them anyway.
TTT World Cricket XI of the 1980s - Also proudly supported by:
We think a lot of our players probably indulged just a little too much in the sponsor's product!