This is the very first article I am
doing I will be adding many either
weekly or monthly (depending on whether
or not I get a job,and or lose my net).
I jumped ahead of myself,and thought up
many many things to write about,and even
made the pages ready for the context to
be added.Should I discuss my feelings on
such age old topics,such as
religion?Violence in the media?No hell
no I'm going to write about Howard
Stern,whose movie "Private Parts" just
premiered on the USA Network.
In true Stern fashion the movie made a
dent in how we should (and most likely)
shall see movies making their appearance
on t.v.The movie was edited by Stern and
Ivan Reitman themselves and it
shows.After it's impressive debut back
in the summer of '97 these two men
showed the pride of what they had made
(a movie thats format was unseen by the
masses).
I,like Stern hate going to the movies
with someones demon spawn screaming and
yelling because momy and daddy were too
busy worring about which house they
wanted to buy next to find a babysitter
so they take their mistake to the movies
to make the rest of us decent folk who
had the decency to wear a condom and not
fuck up not only our lives but the rest
of America,suffer.Add in 'gummie bears'
on
the enlarged "Imax" like screen and "day
old" pepsi on the floor sticking to your
brand new air Jordans.So fuck it on
premier day I stay home."I'll see it
when it comes to USA,or TNT",I say.
But goddamnit when it does come to the
uptight networks what happens? You
guessed it,they have butchered the piece
to
hell.Look at "Dumb and Dumber"; instead
of doing what they used to do back in
the old days,where they just simply cut
the word out to where it looks like a
Jackie Chan movie (people's lips
moving,yet no words) they simply saved
editing money and cut the
entire scene out."we successfully mated
a bulldog with a shitzu",jeff danielas
says,we all know what he says next,but
rather then cut the word bullshit and
keep the integrity of the film they
instead just end it right when he said
shitzu and cut to him already laughing
in progress.I feel so cheated like when
the news cuts in to Jerry Springer
during,"making a porno week" to inform
me there was a fire at an abandoned
warehouse...AND??? I don't give a shit
about a fire I'm gonna have an explosion
in my pants from the blue balls you've
given me by not letting me see Jerky
Springer...where was I??...Oh yes Stern
So Stern brought back integrity to
broadcast t.v. movies.Over every single
F-word and C-word you heard the 'never
getting old' "bleep",and over the great
naked scenes rather than editing out the
entire scene which they would have done
on any other channel,Stern simply adds
in funny (if I say so myself)
mosaics..you know the blurry shit?
Well it was a homerun,not only was a
single scene not cut out and the funny
blurrs and bleeps there to please,but
Stern would periodically come into the
movie and explain what was happening.ex:
The women who swallows a l3 inch sausage
was completely blurred and if you never
saw the movie you could'nt get a real
grasp on what was going on? Well Stern
stoped the movie with a funny 'school'
board and pointer to show
sausage+girl=funny shit.Then let the
movie resume...is this guy a master at
what he does or what?
I certainly hope more
filmakers,actors,and networks will see
this innovative movie endevor and take
action to put this much thought into
their multi-million dollar projects as
well.But they won't,we all know this for
a fact,why you may ask? Because no one
has the pride that Stern or Ivan
does.They make it and abandon it.Stern
and Ivan knew what they had and made it
better.I, like I'm sure, many Stern
fans,has the original on tape and also
this t.v. version as well,it's that
good.
Bravo Howard and Ivan you two have shown
us the way in radio,comedy,books,and now
t.v...or maybe that was Drew Carrey?..or
Jim Carrey? Whoever thank you.
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