Me and Eddie

Sitting on a damp miserable park bench in Cypresswood--a local neighborhood that neither I nor Eddie are from-- I take out a humidified cigarette,screw it into my lips and begin to ponder as to what my best friend and I should discuss while on this one of many smoke breaks?

I take a good look at Eddie through stern green eyes and I remember how ethnic Eddie is! I begin to chuckle at him, while he calls me a fag for starring. "I'm not a fag you wet back, I just sometimes forget that your a taco!"

"Oh fuck you-you Irish meadow bunny!" he replies back to me.

Me and Edwardo are neither from the city of Houston, we were both born out of state, him being from some un-spellable place in Mexico, and I hailing from Los Angeles. We both arrived in this part of the world when we were 2 years old. I've know the little burrito since i was 14 years old when we met in 7th grade after a round of put downs in gym class. We later got to know each other and have been friends since. An accomplished woman hater, are we both, and equal misanthropes to our own good, we had so much in common.

I tease this kid allot because on the phone you'd never know he was a spic. I always call him the "mayonnaise Mexican", cause the trigging kid acts "whiter" than I do!.Which is something--let me tell you-- that he doesn't like.I don't know maybe he gets mad cause he wants to be full white, or maybe because he's proud of his people. The answer to this we shall never know.

So I'm starring at him and I remark on how good his people are to come to this country and make our homes and do our menial jobs for beans--literally! Now to the faint of heart, or the bleeding heart, this may sound rough, or racist, but fuck them! I'm an "Alpha male" and as such I am prone to speaking to other men this way.Trust me if we could grunt we would!

I start telling Ed about my grandfather and how he was a contractor in Cali for so many years, and it's how he made his fortune. I begin to describe to Ed how the homes in Cali are so laughable it's unreal! "You got to see these fucking homes out in L.A. there so tiny it's like living in a cracker jack house. They have the nerve to charge 200k for these fuckin things, whereas in Houston 200k will get you a half of a mansion." I start taking fast drags off my cig so I can reserve the time lapsed in between breathes to keep making my points. " I'll tell you the reason why--it's because of the goddamn unions out in Cali. They want all the fuckin benefits and such, and that's why the contractors have to jack up the price on these little fucking huddles that we wouldn't live in even if poor!"

"Out here in Houston we hire "Border jumpers" to make our homes, and they are so fucking thrilled to be in America, and to have a job making money, not paying taxes, and not have the fuckin Fedderalies robbing and raping their women!"

Ed begins to shake his head,"That's right. A hovel in America is a fuckin palace in Mexico."

Boy this kid really is a wannabe white! I'm just kidding. "fucking 400k will-- by anyone's imagination of what a mansion looks like-- will buy you a mansion in Houston.Did you know Howard Stern just bought a 4600 sq. home in NY? The fucking thing cost his ass 5.6 million!!!"

Me and Ed both begin to laugh knowing what I'm about to say next.

" 4600 sq. is 275k here in Houston that jew got robbed man!" Ed gets bored with this discussion on border jumpers, and whether it's right or wrong to have them here, or whether its exploitation, or saving their lives, so we both get up and wipe our asses off from the dew that begot our pants on the bench, and we get into his car and begin to drive

"So Ed when are your 57 relatives coming over to fix my roof?"

Ed looks at me coldly and says,"Is there going to be any free tacos there?"

friendship is not so bad in life!

THE END

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