You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
Redneck Letter - from a redneck mother to her son....
Dear Redneck Son,
I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though; last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your Father out.Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother........... Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off valiantly and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
Two good ol' boys bought a couple of horses that
they used to make some money during the summer.
But when winter came, they found it cost too
much to board them. So they turned the horses
loose in a pasture where there was pleanty to
eat. 'How will we tell yours from mine when we
pick them up?' one of them asked the other.
'Easy,' replied the other. 'We'll cut the
mane off mine and the tail off yours.'
By spring, the mane and tail had grown back
to normal length.
'Now what are we going to do?' asked the
'Why don't you just take the black one?' said
the second. 'And I'll take the white one.'