Dating Signs

    1. Woman won't unlock car door for man - Doesn't engage in oral sex
    2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman - No foreplay
    3. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant - Prefers virgins
    4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way - Is a virgin
    5. Can't hail a cab - Impotent
    6. Insists on going to a homely little cafe with windmill motif - Compulsive Don Quixote
    7. Insists on going to a romantic candle-lit restaurant - Compulsive Don Juan
    8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar - Compulsive Don Ho
    9. Wants to go to a French restaurant - Will swallow
    10. Wants to go to a deli - Won't swallow
    11. Takes too long deciding what to order - Has trouble reaching orgasm
    12. Orders salad dressing on the side - Will give you a hand job, but will not go "all the way"
    13. Gives explicit orders to waiter - Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed
    14. Asks for extra rolls - Will say she is using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue
    15. Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as "The lady will have..." - Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't
    16. Asks for "The Usual" - Insists on missionary position only
    17. Asks what the specials are - Will want you to use handcuffs
    18. Fills up on bread and crackers - Premature ejaculation
    19. Doesn't finish everything on plate - Has already come
    20. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered - Will make you sleep on the wet spot
    21. Changes mind after ordering - Will never call you
    22. Changes tables - Nymphomaniac
    23. Drinks Decaffeinated. - Fakes Orgasm (Female)
    24. Orders in French - Fakes Orgasm (Male)
    25. Sends food back - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money
    26. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts - Needs you to talk dirty during sex
    27. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers - Wants a handjob
    28. Orders a dessert involving nuts - Castrating Bitch
    29. Wants to split dessert - Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters
    30. Credit card is refused - Low sperm count
    31. Undertips waiter - Small penis
    32. Undertips parking valet - Small penis
    33. Undertips cabby - Small penis
    34. Uses toothpick - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything
    35. Removable cassette player in car - Pulls out repeatedly during sex
    36. Cellular phone in car - Penile implant