Dream of: 11 April 2010 "Fishing"

I was on the bank of the Ohio River in Portsmouth, Ohio, doing something I hadn't done in many years: fishing. At first I thought I had a rod and reel and I was imagining casting my line out at varying distances into the river. I even imagined pulling the hook back across the bottom of the river and perhaps snagging something and dragging it onto shore. Finally, however, I realized I didn't have a rod and reel at all, but just a fragile piece of nylon line threading through my hands. As I pulled on the line, it broke, and I was left with only a small piece, which I threw down.

I turned my attention to two things which I had brought to the river with me. One was a black and white police car and the other was my brother Chris. Both were submerged in the water just off-shore. Focusing first on the police car (which was gradually moving out further into the river and sinking), I suddenly realized I was responsible for the car and I shouldn't have let it sunk like that. Slowly the car disappeared from view into the murky water.

Suddenly, I realized I likewise shouldn't let my brother Chris sink into the water. He was only about 10 years old and was incapacitated with muscular dystrophy. I had come to believe he would be better off to die, but abruptly I realized I shouldn't let him die. When I looked for him again, however, he had disappeared. I jumped into the water and began running waist deep along the shore, hoping to run into him. I ran back and forth, but to no avail - he was gone.

I stepped out of the water and reflected. How long would it take before my father, my mother, or my sister realized Chris had disappeared? I thought they might not even realize he was gone, especially my mother, who had Alzheimer's and had difficulty remembering things. I thought his body could just stay buried in the water. But what if the authorities caught wind of his disappearance? Wasn't the reporting of deaths obligatory? Could I be in trouble if I didn't report the disappearance?

I also began to feel guilty about having let Chris die. I had thought he had been unhappy, but now I realized he had often had a smile, and perhaps he had been happy in his own way. He had always displayed a pleasant personality and had seldom complained. Why hadn't I seen this before?

As I looked out over the river, I realized this section of water had actually been blocked off from the river and was no longer part of the river at all. This section of water had once been a bend in the river which was now a lake. I thought the lake needed some kind of name, but I couldn't seem to think of a good name at the moment.

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